Was Your Other Parent Narcissistic Too? - 10 Signs 2024

Was Your Other Parent Narcissistic Too? - 10 Signs

This might be a tough one for some of you...

The other parent plays a 50% role in your childhood.
If you tend to have a safer parent or a parent that
you overly feel for - seeing them as a victim of your
really toxic parent, you might have some reflection
to do.

Two things are true at the same time. This parent could
be much healthier and reliable but explore this and
look at your first 20 years of life with this parent.

Chapters:
0:00 Intro
3:16 #1 Not Protective of Their Children (Neglectful)
3:49 #2 They Are Codependent
4:30 #3 They Allow Their Children to Be Parentified (The Child Is the Parent)
5:08 #4 They Are More Loyal to Toxic People Than to You
5:37 #5 They Can Enjoy Being Martyred for Enduring the More Toxic Parent
6:27 #6 They Teach Submission and Diminished Self V. Boundaries and Empowerment
7:15 #7 They Have Limited Ability to Love Their Children Fully (Longing)
8:17 #8 They Can Easily Betray You
9:01 #9 They Don’t Relate to You Like a Normal Parent Would
9:58 #10 How They Love You Is Confusing
10:49 Recap
12:14 Final Thoughts
12:31 Outro

Learn more about Patrick Teahan,
Childhood Trauma Resources and Offerings

⚠️ Disclaimer

My videos are for educational purposes only. Information provided on this channel is not intended to be a substitute for in person professional medical advice. It is not intended to replace the services of a therapist, physician, or other qualified professional, nor does it constitute a therapist-client or physician or quasi-physician relationship.

If you are, or someone you know, is in immediate danger, please call a local emergency telephone number or go immediately to the nearest emergency room.

If you are having emotional distress, please utilize 911 or the National Suicide Hotline
1-800-273-8255

[aishwaryas]

They were proud that you were 'independent' as a kid.

[ineedhoez]

The bad news: you are really effed up.

The good news: you aren't alone!!!!

[Seajunkie]

So many of us raised ourselves, in emotional war zones, and now we are wounded warriors. It is nice to finally start to see the pieces of the puzzle, thank you.

[Amy-rtbr]

Honestly this video alone felt healing to watch. To have someone else say "this parent had power that they chose not to use" "this parent probably should have divorced"... just was nice to hear someone (even a stranger on a youtube video) acknowledge that is a way for a parent to fail a kid.

[mayamartin]

Patrick you hit the nail on the head here - it really is all about it being too painful to acknowledge you have zero solid parents, so the alternative is to glorify the lesser evil.

[stephaniecoe]

I found the realisation that my emotional saviour parent was toxic to be more heart breaking than having the highly toxic parent - at least that was well known and had always been fact. Realising in adulthood that what you thought growing up to be fact wasn't necessarily true was quite a blow.

[SkyePhoenix]

For years I thought that my father was the toxic abusive parent. I later realized that my mother was a covert narcissist who blames my father for everything. My mother was in the room once when my father was beating me, and she actually watched and encouraged it by cheering him on. Later, when I confronted her with this, she denied it ever happened at first and then she said that I deserved it. I asked her which is it, really?? I've gone no contact with her (again) I hope that it sticks this time.

[tessarae]

To me, my parents thinking of me as their child was used as a way to distance themselves from me. Saying "you're my child" didn't mean "you're my child so therefore I care about you and your needs" it instead meant "you're my child so therefore you should do what I say" or "you're my child so therefore you should not have any individual needs or wants, and instead you should be how I want you to be" (which was very limiting and suffocating), or "you're my child so remember your place, I'm older so therefore I am automatically more in the know than you". There was no I, it was only them, their story, their version of who I am.

[annbetz]

My mom was the difficult, angry "walk on eggshells" one, my dad (or so I thought for years) nice, kind funny, warm. Then I got involved with a series of toxic men and started looking at where it all may have come from. Realized my dad -- in a very nice way -- made it all about him most of the time. I was surrogate spouse, counselor, and cheerleader. He had inappropriate boundaries in terms of what he shared with me. And I had him on a pedestal because he was so much nicer than my mom. Fast forward half a century (never too late to learn, right?) and I am realizing that even now when I share good news about me, he can't fully engage, but turns to some example from his own past. I'm on a break from talking to him to give myself time to process, but am seeing more and more the impact of his neglect and self-centeredness.

[ObscurasCozyCult]

Parenteification can also manifest as a parent or both using their child as their personal therapist or emotional dumping grounds but often the parent doesn’t reciprocate that willingness to allow their child to lean on them when they need the support.

[lasagamondays]

I was my mom's confidant as a kid, she talked about everything wrong in her life to me when I was young. I was enmeshed and I also believe gaslit. I now struggle with codependency, confidence, and 'knowingmyself'. It's hard.

[sophskulley]

I'm finally coping with the fact that my mother was not the "good one" she was only complicit. Number 6 really resonated with me. She was our "friend" enduring my father with us and tellingus how to cope with his behavior. I really didn't have two parents at all. I had two people who paid my rent and fed me but were mentally and emotionally their 20s. It's only become more and more apparent as i reach the age they were when they had me that they're a selfish and immature pair of people.

[CherylMuir]

"Are you their child or their confident? Their child or their surrogate spouse?" SO powerful.

[alistacramen]

I remember asking my mom to make things better. Make dad change, go to counseling, divorce him… ANYTHING to make it better. She didn’t. My dad recently admitted to sexually abusing my sister and my mom is still defending him. To this day. I feel as though I’ve lost both my parents.

[stellarzenreiki]

As I listened more and more, I got more angry. Not towards you, I'm very grateful. Just angry that I never realized how manipulative and neglectful my mother was, she always made my dad out to be the monster..

[montheoddball]

I stayed in an abusive relationship for 2 years because I thought it was normal to “put up” with the people you love and concede for them on everything.

[Intellectual_Wandrr]

*Me: reaches the end of the video.*

_How does this man_ *know* _my life?!!_

[steveeb]

Both my parents were HIGHLY TOXIC. I mean Center Core of Chernobyl Toxic. Not only toxic to me, but also to each other. Then comes my older brother - the abuser. I had to leave my entire family and it breaks my heart.

[amber]

Now I understand why I stayed so long in an abusive marriage. My ex was even worse than my abusive dad! I have always hated myself for being weak. Now I understand that I was taught to put up with abuse, to never speak up for myself. Thank you!

[Olga-zxsl]

I'm just really upset that my dad used my interest in psychology to try and get me to solve all the family issues. "You're the one who wants to be a therapist, so tell us how to deal with this." I was sixteen at the time. He expected me to have all the answers to everything but I couldn't get any support from him when I needed it. "Oh, you and mom are fighting again? Just don't make her mad! Be the bigger person!" Even now at nineteen I'm expected to have all the answers to our problems. Why do I have to sort their life out for them?! I'm their child, not their therapist!