Friendship Fixes: When Vulnerability is Too High or Too Low

Every Friday during #FrientimacyMonth, Shasta Nelson is doing a Facebook Live on “Friendship Fixes” at 1 pm PST/4 pm EDT where she’ll give some love and wisdom to those who are experiencing friendship angst, heartbreak, and disappointment. Can these friendships be fixed?

In this episode, Shasta answers five real emails that were submitted to her who basically ask:

1) I want to feel more connection with my friends, but they seem to be fine only getting together once or twice a month and talking about other people or things and never about our lives. Do I need to confront them about my needs, or do I just leave them be?

2) I have been friends with a group of people for more than a year, but they never seem to contact me first. I hate to lose contact with them after finishing university.
I tend to overshare, and I would rather not do that anymore, therefore I only try to contact them once in a while to ask about their day and comment positively, yet I still feel discouraged and unimportant to them after the conversation dies out. However, when I write to complain or ask advice on a problem, they have mostly been there to help. I am torn. I don’t want to be a downer and pressure them into writing me by telling them how lonely I am, but I feel like I am pretending that everything is fine when it’s not.

3) I apologized to my friend after she asked me to make more friends due to my wanting her to be more supportive of me. She still chose to step away from me for a few months, and I concluded not to be vulnerable with someone I considered to be a very good friend. What have I done wrong?

4) My friend easily shares her vulnerability, and for a while, I think I was the only one she could open up to. However, I still have not been able to share my real vulnerability with her. I feel like her counselor. She thinks we’re close, but I see her as just a common friend. How do I build up a friendship like it is a new one, even when there is a lot of history? Is there a polite way to slow down an oversharer?

5) How do you move a friendship from committed to common? What are some quiet ways to keep boundaries where there were no boundaries before?

What does Shasta advise? Watch this video to hear her thoughts on how to best respond to these painful experiences.

[elizabethlasseigne]

This video is exactly what I needed and will change my life with friends. I can’t thank you enough!

[vernaharris]

Love your gorgeous hairstyle Shasta. Your videos are so helpful.🤩❤❤❤

[florenciadelaluz]

Thank you! I love all your videos! 💕😊

[joyhappie]

They are 1 text away. And they cant give her what she needs. She is settling for less. Time for her to let go and find friends who do what that say... and stop abandening herself. Believing there are people out there that can meet her needs. And vice versa. And make sure she fills her own cup first. That is knowing what you need and not settling for less.

[brandy]

Thank u for such great advice! Ur awesome!