The Importance of Vulnerability

We often imagine that what will win us friends and esteem is strength. But surprisingly, it’s vulnerability that’s at the core of friendship and likeability. This is an invitation to make friends with one’s own weaknesses.

FURTHER READING

“The desire to fit in is deeply engrained in our nature. We’re social creatures with a long evolutionary history that stressed the importance of not standing out in the group. The oddball would be the last to get their share of mammoth meat. We are the descendants of those who conformed – and got fed…”

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CREDITS

Produced in collaboration with:

James Carbutt

[mephistophelesthesilentchi]

But of course, some people just aren't worth being vulnerable with...

[rea]

Being vulnerable often means being strong, because in order to be strong you have to know where your weakness is and not ignore it or hide it. By knowing and exposing your weakness and being vulnerable you can at least control it instead of being randomly shot by someone else.

[PursuitofWonder]

Really enjoyed this! I find it interesting how closely related confidence and vulnerability are to one another. You really can't have one without the other.

[bolivar]

1. The only way we can truly connect with someone is by taking risks . If a friend tells me that he has trouble sleeping, I can tell him that for the longest time I was having nightmares almost every night, it got a bit better, but that's how I know what insomnia means. Well, then he may think that I must be a real weirdo. But he may also take it as an "invitation" for us to engage in a real conversation where we could go deeper into the subject.

Deeper often means "darker and more complex". But still, because you two make the effort to get there together, in that moment you are really LIVING through something. That's what "feeling connected" means.

No matter how sad the subject is, you will come out of such a conversation with a sense of serenity and it will be a " good memory" because you have truly shared something.

I love this quote by Theodore Zeldin:

" The kind of conversation I am interested in is one which you start with a willingness to emerge a slightly different person. It is always an experiment, whose results are never guaranteed. It involves risk. It 's an adventure in which we agree to cook the world together and make it taste less bitter".


2. We usually try to impress the other, in the hope of being loved . But indeed boasting about yourself is not being impressive, it is being "intimidating". We all have our strengths and weaknesses. Something that came to you very easily in life can be incredibly difficult to reach for another person. So by pointing THAT out, you are emphasising what " separates" you from that person.
What is the sense of this??


3. There is a wonderful, wonderful tale by Oscar Wilde called " The Remarkable Rocket". You can read the tale or watch the animation . It is on you tube. Well, in fact, the most remarkable thing about that rocket is that the more it boasts, the more it sinks into the mud!

Comedian Sarah Jones uses a wonderful term, describing the darker side of the social media, forcing us to show a happy face all the time. She says it is a culture of " compare and despair".

If you want to think more about this, there is an episode of the excellent podcast "Hidden Brain", called " Schadenfacebook".

4. This video does not suggest that we must always talk about our problems. Being a " me, me, me" type of person is really something else.

It is another thing to "dare" to open up about the challenges you are facing right now, hoping that the other person could also learn something from what you are going through. Because indeed, anything can happen to any of us anytime.

I guess it was Seneca who said that "a ship may also sink at the port"..

5. And don't miss the wonderful TED Talk " The Power of Vulnerability" by Brene Brown. Her book on the subject, " Daring Greatly" is also very helpful.

Thanks a lot for this very valuable lesson. I loved the animation too.

[PersonalPower]

vulnerability is a two edged sword. Revealing it can help but also hurt us. Finding balance is a hard thing, but the extremes are rather hurtful for us and others. thanks for sharing this video! I wish I could make different animations for each video!

[con_m_computerscience]

When you are not happy with yourself or have strong shame or guilt you have a difficult time being vulnerable because you are hiding something whatever it is. This is bad because it seeps into many aspects of your life especially socially it becomes very apparent in body language and eye contact as well as your personality around others. Because your fearful of someone figuring out or seeing you for who you “really are” you shut down and can’t make a proper connection with someone because of your inability to be vulnerable. It is best to take on whatever it is that’s making you shut down (and if you search deep you’ll know what it is) and face that situation head on weather it means radical action to fix whatever it is or full and 100% acceptance of the reality of whatever happened and how in the current reality of things you can’t do anything about it. This is an important step in becoming more vulnerable and greatly improving your life. Thx for reading and god bless 🙏🏻

[PurAGL]

I'm a very different person from who I was five years ago. A better person. I was scared of vulnerability before. I felt as though I was placing my emotional stability and happiness in the hands of others by being vulnerable. These days, I've found that I feel more in control of my life and my emotions than I ever have, and I believe it's largely due to my willingness to be vulnerable; my ability to be honest with others, and honest with myself, about who I am and how I feel. I'm proud of that. (:

[banisan]

I needed this.
Currently, I feel like I'm just being a bother to someone I considered a really close friend. I was always afraid of speaking up about it. I didn't want to bother her with me thinking I might be a bother, if that makes sense.
But I believe that's what makes human relationships sincere and strong, the ability to be vulnerable and honest about your fears and hurts.

[GeekyMino]

I show my weaknesses and vulnerabilities only to people I completely trust. That way I know that even if they hurt me with their words they have no bad intentions. It’s a great way to connect with others on a very deep level if both are open and not afraid to reveal our biggest insecurities. Very unique video style!

[folasko]

This breaks my heart a little bit. I had friendships that I hoped would work out when I showed my own vulnerability.

[hamzasaleem]

Vulnerability is truly a gift for us, it is a fixed part of our human structure, and by contemplating that, we realize that even the brightest and the wittiest and the most powerful man that have lived, all of whom had vulnerable sides, all of them had their fears, doubts and insecurities, all of them suffered, and all have lived in the same mortal coils of tissues that aches and bleeds ( our bodies ).
So vulnerability is truly a common ground for us all that's worth respect and appreciation.

[anewloveofficial]

I admit that I am a vulnerable kind of person and I won't shy about it because it's what makes me a real person. There are people who try to underestimate me but they didn't know that being vulnerable makes me become a strong person at the same time. Don't be afraid being vulnerable because it's also showing empathy to other people.

[Coolkeldon]

Only when you share your fears and weakness can other people truly love you, and I mean any kind of love. How could they love you if you don't let them get to know you?

[octane]

Knowing how to share your vulnerability is a key aspect to confidence. Such as having one or two safe people to share your vulnerabilities with. But also doing it from the point of view of accepting that vulnerability as a stepping stone to growing as a stronger person.

[sckiw]

Shortly before watching this I got the sting of shame from expressing myself but this just proves how much understanding we need to give ourselves

[leab]

This is so important. I talked about this with my parents the other day and we totally agree with your opinion👏🏼 to gain respect you have to show vulnerability. In this modern world where most people want to have success we neglect our humanity and swollow our vulnerability. We all want to appear strong but the strongest are those who let themselves be vulnerable and emotional. So keep crying publicly guys✌🏼

[rain]

"We are strong enough to be weak". Oh boy this is one of my biggest challenges, because I've always associated vulnerability to being weak /incapable of and I hate to portray that image, so I always put a wall to protect my ego, I guess.

[annatheres]

These videos are always so relevant to what's going on in my life.

[dochmbi]

Yeah, being vulnerable and honest can be deeply seductive as well, because it shows that you can trust that person. Trust and excitement are the two elements you need for a good date.

[mau]

“Vulnerability is both a risk and a gift that is taken by somebody else”