Dating After a Divorce Is So Easy, They Said... #$h^TTherapistsSay

Dating After a Divorce Is So Easy, They Said... #$h^TTherapistsSay //

Why is dating after divorce so hard? Meeting someone new after a divorce can be exciting and some people think dating should be easy, some think it's hard. If you're wondering how to have a relationship after divorce, watch this video.

Next, watch, Just See Where It Goes

#MendedLight
#$h^TTherapistsSay
#DatingAfterDivorceIsEasy

[teddiberes]

I managed to extricate myself from a whole "battered wife" marriage. I vowed I'd never be stupid enough to get married again, so I didn't date. I had a circle of friends from work who used to come over whenever a particular marathon of shows was playing on PBS. One day, they brought along another guy who worked there, when they discovered he was also a fan of the show (a Britcom). Eventually, there were days he'd come by without the gang. Later, he rented a room at my house because he needed a place to stay and I needed to supplement my income. Ten years later, we got married. From the time we started dating until now, we've been together 26 years. He's my best friend and I love telling people that my friends got him for me as a divorce present. He's a wonderful guy. We're in love and still do all the silly, romantic things people do when they're just starting out. So, it can happen.

[kakeen]

I didn't think "I have to start over in relationships again", I thought "Dating before marriage was extremely hard and painful, never doing that again" I honestly can't ever see myself being in a relationship ever again, the thought of "getting to know someone" and hoping they are actually who they present themselves as, and hoping they accept me as I am, is not something I want to put myself through again.

[Bearded_Dro]

Wow, the whole feeling of first time moving into an apartment and it being just you and your kids really struck home... took me back a few years

[mschrisfrank]

There is no place for “your experience should be…” in therapy. The whole point of therapy, in my mind, is to acknowledge and validate the experience and feelings that are present, and then work to move toward your goals for a healthier life if possible.

[DesertHomesteader]

Jonathan's advice is dead on. Figure yourself out before you share your life with someone. Once you've got your own life in order, a healthy relationship is much more likely to follow. Never settle on less than you deserve, nor grasp at a fantasy. Keep both eyes open and face your differences head on. If you can't work them out equitably, you should move on.

I am not a therapist but I have been treated badly and divorced twice...so trust when I say that it is better to be alone than to blindly enter into a toxic or abusive relationship. You deserve better. We all do.

[MorningHawk]

2 years after I divorced my friends encouraged me to start dating. It didn't go well. 9 years later I had lost both my parents and was having issues dealing with the grief and guilt. I bought a book on dealing with grief and unresolved issues when someone passes and that was the first time I had really heard about dealing with a divorce as a form of grief counseling.

[Zzoolay]

I believe grief is a neccesity for humans, whether that is in broken relationships, in broken dreams, in death... to allow grief is the only way we can actually let go and grow around our experiencies. I remember this phrase: "Not every pain hurts" I never understood it before, now i believe I finally get it.

P.S. I love your videos!!

[Sombokor]

I am fresh out of a 6-year relationship that I ended before our wedding. I am completely heartbroken and I need to come back to this video every couple of days because there's someone who tries to... Mainly just be there for me when I feel the need (emotionally, that is). I have a strong feeling that there's mutual attraction between us but a part of me knows that this could end really badly considering the state I am in. It is extremely hard to fight the urge to let this person take care of me so thank you for this video. It helps me clear my mind.

[erikkennedy]

I’m two minutes in and I can’t agree with this more. It is so difficult to date after a divorce. Scheduling alone with childcare is a nightmare. You can’t depend on other people. You have to find your own focus before you can let someone else into your life again.
The people I’ve dated since I separated, I am so thankful for them. I needed the self esteem. But I’m done for now. I need to find myself.
I needed this video. Thank you so much.

[DonVort]

When I went through my divorce, there was no real mourning. I had mourned the loss of the life I wanted during my marriage. When finally free from that unhealthy relationship, I was finally able to rediscover who I am and find my happiness alone.

The biggest issue I've seen when getting back into dating is that I'm so happy with myself and my children that my standards have gone so high for who I would let intrude into the safe life that I've built for myself and my familiy.

[eranshachar]

Dear Jonathan and Alicia, you guys are wonderful people, I can tell without knowing you in person, I hope I would have the honor some day. But anyway, I love how you guys are talking openly and in real way. If only every couple had that, there would not be so much divorce. Because divorce comes, when a couple is not communicating, rather than a violent husband. This happens too, but most people are not violent in marriage, they just behave in a disgusting way to one another, a conversation may escalate to an ugly argument. I've never been married yet, or have any children. I want to have both one day, with the one for me, and I am so afraid that I will rehearse the education of my parents. I was taught in my childhood-"You are a soldier" That's what I received, dictatorship, harsh Soviet education. I don't mean to be offensive to any Soviets, but anyone who been thru this know what I mean. An education, with two key words-"Forbidden" and "Must". I strongly hope not to be the same.

[Walls]

My relationship was so bad, and so dead at the end, that the period of readjustment didn't occur the way you describe. The It-is-Just-Me-Now moment happened years before, I had just removed his pretence of being a husband, so it was ironically much easier for me to start over; I already had.

[cyranoone]

sitting in sadness was a something I had to learn. We try to move past sadness so fast

[Sam-xdoy]

so i had an ex fiancé, i moved across the country and moved in with her (later found out she had doubts even at this stage) and after relationship was over lied to people about me and in court to get custody of our son. how exactly am i meant to get past all that and trust someone on that level again i don't know...

on the plus side im enjoying watching these, i am finding them fascinating

[kakeen]

I went from my parents house to my husband's house, back to my parents house, 11 yrs later. I have always been in an environment where I can't be free to, say, paint my kitchen purple if I choose, I've always been under someone else's rules. I want to have my own space, my own rules, be independent for the first time amd not have to rely on someone else.

[annakr]

Oh my. Thank you so, SO much for this video. I'm exactly at this point as a divorced single mother living with her son in an apartment for the first time in my life. And I just needed to hear that I'm not the only one in this situation. And that it's possibly not an everlasting one. Phew! Please, keep your fingers crossed for me as I feel like I'm a tiny sand grain in a big, big world and I'm completely unsure of my next steps.

[lenameiers]

I gave my girlfriend the nickname sprinkle.
I use the analogy: Donuts are great on their own but sprinkles make them better.
My girlfriend was engaged before me but it didn't work out. She was devastated and felt like a failure.

[tanadarko]

My divorce just demolished me. I was barely starting to surface from it when the pandemic hit. And now it's been this additional holding pattern for 2 years. Now trying to date is so hard just with touching because the last year and a half of my marriage barely had any, then 2 years of grief and going through the process then 2 years of pandemic and suddenly I realize it's been 5 years since I've had safe, intimate, loving touch. And now with a little bit of pandemic brain, being touched by somebody not in my circle gives me this kind of repulse reaction.
I associate relationships with terrible pain. IDK if I'll ever really be able to move through it. I've got a second date with somebody tonight actually - the first person I've tried dating since divorce and the first date gave me a solid week of absolute dysphoria.
it sucks. I'm not dependent on dating to be happy but I don't want fear and trauma to keep me from exploring opportunities.
My friends, even my pet bunny, helped me through it so much. Thanks for this video!

[leandraanders]

Alicia Decker you are really inspirational to woman going through a difficult divorce. Thank you for participating in these videos.

[aletseaniram]

I never married but I have a child. I've been single for a long time now, but I don't feel the need to move to another relationship and I'm not attached to the previous one. I do feel some prejudice over "not having a man who's a provider for me". That's the only part that truly sucks. Society didn't change that much. If I ever feel romantically involved with someone and it's mutual, very good. For now, I'm enjoying my life very much and I'd like to send my support to other women in the same situation: feel free to be yourselves and be your own provider. It's a joy. Focus on the quality time you have with your children. Enjoy every second with them. You and your children are worthy of a lifetime of happiness.