Why Your ASD Partner Seems Unable to Understand How You Feel

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[markhutten]

ASD+NT Couples resources:

Parenting resources:

[Lylamamma]

My husband doesn't go into meltdowns, never has. Instead, he goes into shutdowns.

[katiepreciado]

Been married 50 years to an aspie and it has taken me a lifetime to figure out the complexities of our relationship. Think long and hard if you want to live your life void of true intimacy or connection with your mate. Our 2 children also paid a high price because their father wasn't emotionally available to them.

[tribalequestrian]

It makes it hard for me to get through the meltdowns and rages when he can't give empathy or kindness. Love is like a task. It is robotic in a way. Plus, I am walking into perimenopause and I am becoming less tolerant of negative experiences of all sorts.

[targoltran]

Mark is amazing. He points out the immediate concerns and/or important characteristics of ASD individuals. Bravo to Mark.

[thankyou]

I'm not married to an aspie, but I'm pretty sure my adult sister is one. I find that she is constantly misinterpreting my actions and attributing bad intentions to them. She'll snap on me, but when I try to point out to her that she has an anger problem, she seems unable to understand just how bad it is and proceeds to "apologize, " giving (not so) logical explanations of why she ripped into me or someone else. Many times when she explains why she is mad, I am left thinking, "what world do you live in?" It frustrates me so much that I ironically become very angry myself while trying to explain to her that she has an anger problem, which saps my credibility and gives her further reason to dismiss my observations. I obviously love her very much, and have shared MANY great moments with her, but her tendencies make me feel so insecure and defensive that it's easier to just not be around her. It just seems like everything I do is wrong, every joke I make is offensive, etc. I want to be compassionate to her if she really does have this condition, but simply knowing that someone has a condition doesn't automatically make them easier to be around. To add fuel to the fire, I have ADHD and a very happy-go-lucky personality (admittedly, I can be kind of clumsy, messy, etc), so we naturally clash, as she is very obsessed with routines, order, etc.

[lovinganaspie]

Dating an Aspie and in the early stages of our relationship. Your videos SO greatly help me be more understanding and compassionate to his meltdowns and his inability to say the words "I love you" and says he doesn't know what love means and that he can't measure it. It hurts... really bad and the meltdowns sometimes play with My mind and convince me for a bit that he must really not love me if he can be so cold and mean sometimes.
As someone that works with kids professionally I have worked with a lot of autistic kids and know a lot of this behavior you can't take personal.
But dating one is a different subject. It's hard to not take it personally when you love so much.
Thank you so much for your channel. You are saving relationships every day from failing...

[sandramcinnesscott]

It is exhausting ...for both the NT and possibly the ND. Not sure I want to be the one who gives all the time...there has to be some repricocity otherwise its not a relationship by definition

[nickzika]

Recently diagnosed and this video is very applicable to most of the issues I have had in past and current relationships. Thank You!

[MM-horw]

I need to show this to my fiancée. I am destroying the relationship unintentionally with my soul mate because I can’t describe what I am going through.

[KittenBrute]

So how is it not emotional abuse then? Sure, maybe he can't help it, but she is still the one that's shit on.

[zodsi]

your videos are very, very helpful. i'm dating and loving someone with someform of autism or aspergers and i used to take things he said and did (or more like the things he didnt say and things he left undone) personally and got hurt. i am beginning to understand and see how hard he tries

[DarkWaterEva]

I respect people and sympathize with anyone born a certain way but listening to Mark describe this ASD male sounds like an absolute nightmare regarding relationships.

[robertjohnburton]

It's why I stay alone as an Aspie. I am in a constant state of wondering what others want from me & frankly, & I'm sorry if it offends. But I can't, I don't care, I do the work, I am responsible, but my feelings & actions never meld immediately. This has never changed, it never will. So, please stop expecting us to change, give us space & you will be safe.

[Kat.The.Reaper]

Mine is still very charismatic can make anyone like him. He still cannot relate to any of them.

[ColoringGoatlover]

Why does an aspies ever get married? To have a roommate and sex. Just wondering.

[marilynruiz]

When you mentioned Robots..I lost it. Many times in our marriage I just stared at my husband. Could he be an AI generated entity? In all seriousness thank you so much for all the knowledge. I love my husband to pieces and road has been hard in understanding each other. But with him recently being diagnosed with asd has made a world of a difference in my perspective.

[queenamo]

Work as a team if you both love one another. In it for the long run❤️😘😘😘😘

[marksumbler]

Crap, wish I had found you 20 yrs or 2 weeks ago.

[JBCA]

Does anyone have any referral, links or references to a similar discussion group for NT men married to ASD women ?

I suspect my wife of 21 years is ASD, and need help how to approach the topic. She is very successful, and I do not think she will take well to the discussion