Why Some Men with ASD 'Fall Out of Love' - Seemingly Overnight

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[andrewpowell]

Men with Aspergers are often worried about coming across as obsessed or creepy and try to overcompensate for it.
I don’t think playing “hard to get” is going to work with men on the spectrum as their overcompensation will cause him interpret your mysterious behavior as disinterest in him.

[jingyiyou]

This is exactly what happened to my marriage! He was so obsessed with me, once we were together, then he stopped trying, stopped communicating. He didn't view marriage as a on-going marathon, he just considered it mission completed. he is lacking of conflict resolution, he cannot move on to the next stage of life. Then he "fell out of love" out of nowhere. I shocked and hurt!

[alessandro]

I’m a 22 year old male with Asperger’s Syndrome and ADHD. I’ve fallen in love with and dated a few girls throughout high school and my one year of college. One of the girls I dated was an old childhood friend. Honestly, it was just too much for me to meet the demands of the people I was dating. They weren’t spoiled brats or anything, but as the old saying goes, “it takes two to make a relationship work.” I wasn’t willing to commit to a long term relationship. My relationship with my childhood friend was the easiest because I knew most of her friends and family, and she was into the same things I was. But, the problem was that she was a huge traveler. I wasn’t. She always wanted to go somewhere and do something. I didn’t. We mutually agreed to stay friends as that’s what would work between us.

I’ve ultimately made the decision that I’m probably not going to peruse marriage or having kids. It’s just too much commitment that I’m not willing to go through.

[xxxafterglow]

Yep. Never again. I’d rather be alone than be in a relationship like this.

[novawallenda]

Sir, I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart. You really helped me with this video. I was in a serious relationship with a man on the spectrum and we have two beautiful boys but he left me seemingly overnight. I didn't even know we had a problem. And went and moved in with his brother. I really think it was too much for him. It got too "messy" as you put it. You really helped me feel better about myself because I was devastated in heartbroken.

[byssabyss]

Wow, this precisely describes one of my past relationships! He insisted that our work should be done, and that we should just "get on with it" and live our daily lives, with no further learning about each other. He was also very emotionally abusive...

[josh]

Sometimes people with aspergers are told they have to do x, y and z to successfully date. So the very early relationship ends up being performative. After a bit the person with aspergers is exhausted and overwhelmed by the constant performance and decides it's not worth the stress.

[QuidamByMoonlight]

This is why if you are neurodivergent (ADHD/Autism) you should reveal that early on in the relationship. It’s also helpful to have structures in place that keep the relationship new and exciting. Ex: A date night where you do something novel/new at least once a month. Also, structures that keep you working at the relationship and keep it well-maintained. Ex: Schedule sex if you’re busy, or times to talk when you get off work, meal times, etc. Those “little” things make an enormous difference over the months and years!

[n.c.]

I had problems with communication, so it seemed like that to my partner, but I wasn't happy for a while. I experienced the same confusion between love and obsession. Therapy helped me with this!!

[jent]

Absolutely spot on 😔 Just had my heart smashed into pieces by my ASD partner 💔

[JoshuaAHolmes]

I really enjoyed the video.
I'd like to share my story. I was in a committed relationship with one of the most loveliest guys I ever met. He really ignited something inside of me, he showed me how much he cared and really worked hard to be the best he could be.
Unfortunately, I saw many signs of someone just not coping well and I come from a background of mental health and work with many vulnerable people with many different mental health problems. So I could tell that he was not doing well. He would break up when I would go to him and try to resolve an issue that he had created. It could have bee something he said that either didn’t make sense or he would be very rude, inconsiderate, speak down to me, accuse me of many things and he struggled to trust me.
So our three year relationship was break up get back together so many times I've lost count.
He was either drinking heavily or smoking weed, days when he wouldn't get out of bed and he could not hold a job.
In the end, I had to make the hardest decision in my life and when I couldn't handle the abuse anymore, I called the police and he has been charged three times with Domestic violence.
He believes that he needs to be safe when in fact, he needed to understand that I need to be safe from him.
It's a horrible horrible thing to see someone suffering so much due to their mental illness.
Things that people must understand is that we are individuals, we are different but, not matter what we experience, we do not ever hurt others. Unfortunately, people who experience ASD symptoms are quite self-contained and self-centred. It's very sad but it's true and fact. It doesn't mean ASD are bad people however they are difficult. They have a disability. It's going to make life hard.
And then there are people who do not use their disability as an excuse and they push themselves every day to be a better person. We are all flawed and that's what makes life more interesting.

[amamuffin]

This happened to me last week! We were about to move in then he said he didn’t feel connection. He is visibly autistic but I love him. He tried to take me out for 1 year and kept saying no. Then I said yes and he was the most amazing partner I’ve ever had. Dumped me abruptly and couldn’t really tell me the reason

[markhutten]

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[midnightcat]

I’m an aspie woman 👩. This is exactly how i feel about dating men. I’m masking in the beginning but then it’s too exhausting and i really would rather not meet his friends and family.

[WillieCorley]

It's weird to find out about one problem for an area of life that I have no experience in, then to recognize a ton of life-long problems I have had as a byproduct of Asperger's Syndrome. I have a long history of becoming hyper obsessed about something to an extreme, then moving on and becoming hyper obsessed about something else. That's part of why I did super well with general ed in college, then struggled to major in anything.

[lisagfrerer]

Im so thankful for this vid. I met a guy 6 months ago. A true creative. Incredibly kind, smart and thoughtful. Successful business man and great company. However some things just didnt make sense from the beginning. Im still trying to work him out. Im sure he is on the spectrum but doesnt really have all the typical behaviours of Aspergers. He totally love bombs me then denies he was- says he was only being friendly. It does my head in, feels like mind games. He only gives ambiguous answers to my direct questions about this. I just dont know what to do. Ive fallen in love with this guy. It gut wrenching.

[wisdom]

I'm 43 and thank you very much this is exactly how I feel in a relationship wow!

[stephanieames]

Yes. This makes sense. You are not really loved, but an acquisition. It's theater. That's what I got. I was useful to him, so he put on his best mask to gain my affection. That was all over once I said "I do".

[VaultBoi]

My ex has asburgers and we were together for 3 yrs. He blamed me for everything wrong in the relationship as well as never meeting my emotional needs and if he did, it was for a few days. He also told me he didnt want to be with me for half the 3 yr relationship. I'm trying to understand why he did what he did so I can forgive him.

Edit: I have found out he lied about having this condition. As..devastating as that was to hear him use this as an excuse, I'm happy to say he is my ex. I have also found out hes narssessitic.

[sgordon]

So is an Aspie man capable of loving? It sounds as if all he can think about is himself.