INFJ Relationship Problems

Aug 7th, 6pm CET, 12pm EST, 9am PST

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#INFJ #MBTI #INTUITION

[Wenzes]

Hi guys, thanks for watching! Have you been in similar situations? How did it turn out?

[cindytran]

This is 100% me. I’ve had a lot of one sided connections. Nothing changes. IMO, I usually feel the other party should be more empathetic and understand from our perspective too, not just theirs. But that almost never happens. Usually in most cases I feel they don’t really care when it comes down to really getting to know the real me. People just care about their own personal opinions. So all talks are just superficial.

[LewisRacing]

I agree. relationships are not something I'm focused on right now. I'm too busy doing the inner work, meditating and becoming financially abundant that's within me.

[winandcallebaut]

Yikes, this one is a razor sharp analysis. I think all us INFJs are guilty of this pretty badly at one point in our lives.

[sophiegilbert]

Relationships go both ways, and people must connect on an equal playing field. Sometimes, though, I have had friendships that seemed to be equal in the beginning, but as time went on, I found myself putting myself out for the other person more and more, and they gave less and less. In times like that, I often thought I must have not been giving enough, so I wanted to give more, but actually that was not the case. Sometimes situations like that sneak up on me, and the friendship was more of an illusion and not genuine. I then had to have an awakening to what was really happening before I could then move away from the person and move on. I often have felt disappointed in such cases, because I thought I had a connection, and the other person seemed to be feeling that connection, too, but maybe I was mistaken. I have had many instances when that has happened.

[sujata_]

So true. Previously I used to be with people whom I used to understand but they didn't wanted to know about me but nowadays I don't do this no more. Because I know that for a relationship/friendship to be healthy they also need to put effort to know me. Now I only be with people who put effort to know me like I put effort to know them. We should never compromise our needs. Another beautiful video, can totally relate with it. And to be honest I always get excited when I get notification of your videos😇🌈❤ And thanks a lot for such beautiful advice for not making ourselves small in order to connect with people, so true 😇🌈

[elisaw]

Just today, a situation turned up where you could see this dynamic playing out. 
A week ago, there was a girl of my class texting me, asking if I was fine as I hadn't been participating a lot in the group chat lately and so on (although never really did, but more so than in the past weeks I guess).
I really didn't feel like texting her back... so I waited for some days to gain time and to avoid putting pressure on myself. So today, after a week I decided to talk to her and told her that I wasn't feeling too well lately and just asked her some questions in order to shift the focus from my stuff to hers and to more positive things.
She then invited me over to her home to talk or just spend some time with her. I honestly think that this gesture is so nice of her and I honestly like her (well, I VERY rarely DISKLIKE somebody haha - if you're kind to me and you're not an asshole in general I do feel a lot of love for you for sure), but still don't want to meet up with her. As I had this very clear in mind, that I didn't want to accept her offer, I knew I was going to have to disappoint her, and tell her that I didn't want to meet her. 
My answer to her went something like this: Thank you so much for your invitation, really appreciate it. But I don't feel like meeting up. Please promise that you won't take it personally as it has absolutely nothing to do with you. It has only to do with me... because I'm so and so...
Basically in order to avoid her feelings getting hurt I hadn't been fully authentic. I took it on myself and made it seem as if I had a problem or something isn't quite right with myself when in reality, neither is the case. She's not flawed and neither am I. It's just that I don't want to meet her privately. (End of story).
Sooo, although some years back it wouldn't even have been possible for me to be candid about what I wanted and therefore would have accepted anyways and would feel sooo bad all the way through the experience, and in this way it's already been a huge step for me texting her and saying no to her, still the way I went about it wasn't fully me... and this doesn't really contribute to the feeling of being misunderstood, seen for someone I am not or seen for only small bits of myself etc. I experience on a daily basis.
It's.. just...well, to me personally, it just fucking hurts feeling disconnected 100% of the time. So for as long as I can remember being on this planet, in order to feel as if I'm alive somehow and feel slightly connected to other human beings I just met every single person on THEIR level... matched their energy, their way of being. Still to this day. I have tried to quit doing this, but as it's built in so strongly I think I have to try harder. Becoming strong and hoping that, once I show the full me without justifications, I finally do meet one or two persons maybe with whom I can connect with deeply. Seems a scary way to go but I really want to try.
So, long story short, lol: Thanks for this reminder (don't know why Christina Aguilera's fighter is ringing in my mind right now - haven't been listening to her since the age of 10 probably - I guess this will be my anthem then haha).
Thanks again, Wenzes! <3

[gemeinschaftsgeful]

This relationship problem you speak of sounds like co-dependency. Maybe it's the INFJ in me but I've always thought that people want to start out at a place of unconditional love as much as possible so as to have a place for the heart to heal and enlarge. But at the same time both partners have to be honest and challenging to the other because they love that person and therefore won't accept a smallish attitude from the other that is coming from a point of psychological weakness. Where can you order a lover, deep admirer, true friend and life-coach all wrapped up in one? Now that would be a Christmas present!

[christinewind]

This is exactly what I needed to hear ❤️

[rabnat]

Don't give up on yourself, to be in a relationship.

[justinael]

Wow, that was deep. I didn't even know I behave like that! I feel need to watch this video again to understand it better. Thanks!.

[maypeleg]

You put in words everything that I felt, and didnt quite understood. I have always thought about people like shapes- some have sharp edges, they know what they are and won't change for anyone. And some have softer edges- their shape is actually changing so it'll fit other's edges. Those shapes were kind of fluid-ish in my mind. And of course I saw myself as the second one.

As you may have already realized I didnt really understood this "theory" of mine myself. But now that I saw your video it all makes sense (the metaphore of the puzzle piece is actually way better). I do feel like I try to be the missing puzzle piece in everyones lifes, and I dont get to have my own "edges" because I shape them to fit everyone else. I sometimes even feel like I dont know what I want from others, I dont know what I need them to be for me. Its really frustrating to see that about myself.

Anyways thanks for making me see that, you described what I was feeling better than I could.

[westcoastsands]

Happy to see one of your videos (this one) come up when I searched "INFJ" in the YouTube search bar.

[pilgrimfolk]

Really related to the part about building your own life then relating to people from there. Not always focused on them. Infjs are really empathetic so it feels wrong or selfish to focus first all on everything about us (its nit actually hard its almost too easy). Theres also opposition to that too as people might feel we're being aloof etc

[teamthoth]

I've stopped doing this stuff and am a loner.

[deejayequinox]

Now really. That answers my million dollar question.. Thank you

[lindateuling]

This is good, mentally healthy way to approach relationships. I'm going to be going over this information in my mind a lot.

[Cruelidea]

I don’t understand how to bring that person out.

[trsylml]

there's something about u that makes me remember of someone but I can't put the finger on who it is...lol...well one day it's gonna jump in my face...there's a old saying that goes like this (u can bring a donkey to the river but u can't make him drink)….u can help someone to a certain limit...if they can't see what's IN front of them, it's because they're blinded by their worries...I learned a long time ago that it's good to have empathy n sympathy but not good to have pity...Pity is a Virtue that's hard to balance...It can become ur strongest weakness n can bring u to the deepest of the see, unless u learn how to swim(feelings management)….we all act on our feelings n that make us all actors but some are not good actor...I learned to show than to tell...lead by example so to speak...people remember more what they see compare to what they hear...

EDIT: I know who u remind me of...my 3rd grade teacher...u talk just like her...lol...same face expressions too...u don't linger u go straight to what has to be said...that's a big quality...cheers

[aquariusstar]

I needed to hear this one really bad! Thank you, Wenzes ❤❤❤