Why the INFJ Ruins Relationships

The problem that the INFJ personality type causes in relationships.

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#INFJ #MBTI #Relationships #16Personalities #MyersBriggs

[dannapasos]

On behalf of INFJs I think we can all agree that we confuse ourselves as well.

[keiraarnold]

“why the infj ruins relationships”

me: “okay let’s see what else i’m doing wrong.”

[louubriones]

As INFJ, who else agree that we easily lose respect for people once they break a certain boundary we created in our heads? And it's really no way we could rebuild that respect no matter how much we try? It seems like our bodies reject this reconnection with that person. Ugh and I can't do anything about it.

[hyperspecificescapism]

Goddammit this made me realize that I see everyone as characters. Bundles of personality traits that I can use to tell exactly what they will do in every situation. Oh my god why

[lilanibarnard]

INFJ here. My experience of why I struggle with relationships:
- Because of our ability to see patterns, we think we know the future. So I think I know how the relationship is going to end BEFORE it even started.
- We're good at figuring out people, so I think I can decide right away if we are going to be compatible or not.
- We struggle living in the present... I'm always thinking ahead, wondering if there is something better out there.
- Our obsession with bettering, improving, developing ALL THE TIME... often causes me to feel like I'm "outgrowing" the other person (which is so unfair to said person...) and I get bored. Again with the "is there something better, more perfect out there?" thoughts.

[Spingus]

"I want someone who is emotionally independent but also will literally die if they leave me" description of relationships from my INFJ friend

[Hk-oxbb]

I am an INFJ and I never ruined a relationship

I also never had one to ruin in the first place

[karlabarton]

I do feel that people are “walking chaos.” As an INFJ, it feels like I keep searching for people who have an internal integrity that I can trust. Over time, I begin to think that I know who they are, and then *kaboom* … I feel shocked and betrayed by actions that bring chaos into my life, and that I never saw coming. Thank you for explaining this so well.

[JB-scop]

As an INFJ, just from my experience, my biggest problem is after truly opening up, I feel like I am draining the other person with my thoughts and emotions. Then I shut down, start seeing a pattern of their behavior, and I see it is over before it is.

[majacleo]

Woman: "Are you objectifying me?!"

INFJ: "Yes, but in a conceptual way, not sexually."

[Andrea-xwim]

As an Infj whenever I catch myself setting unrealistically high expectations for others I put myself in their position to see if I would be able to do the same if not it helps me realize that I need to lower my expectations and stop overanalyzing things.

[AJ-buyv]

I'm an infj female, married to my husband for 10 years who is an estj. He definitely keeps me grounded, looks at things logistically, and he's a goofball like me. He's very straightforward, says what he thinks, but is very kind and caring. There's no unnecessary drama or mind games in the relationship which is what I dealt with when dating other personality types. We have a lot of similarities, but his differences help me in my weak areas. If I start to get too in my head, he brings me back. Ultimately, God is at the center of our relationship.

[Trasea]

It seems to me that INFJs are happier in the misery of pining for lost love... than to accept the love that is right in front of them.

[yourfellowarmy]

Me: I like you.
other: me too.
Me: aww really--
wait,
what if he's just being nice?
Maybe this is a prank?
Maybe I should have never said that?
Do I actually like him? For how long?
Will I be able to make him happy?
What will happen if we break up?
Is this is true self or am I assuming he's this type of person?
Do I actually know enough about him?
Can I trust him?
Am I being delusional about this?
Am I even worth it?
What will happen if his friends don't like me?
What will I lose?
Is friendship better?
How can I be certain?
Does he actually, actually like me?
Will I waste my life?
Will I waste his life?
Who will I hurt if I date him?
What will happen to me, will I change?

I wrote all that without stopping
~ an INFJ

[robertdeborba]

Dang this is SO true!
When it comes to imagining a romantic relationship, I play it all out in my head first, then I try putting the conversation and actions into the real world and then I just get frustrated and depressed with the total failed outcome.
And in my head I'm like, why didn't the person follow the script, we could've had a great time/life! 😒

[czaderka]

Now imagine being an INFJ woman, really taking the time to get to know the person you date, being showered with love (adoration rather) and I mean SHOWERED. Then after the first infatuation period (for them), they scale down on adoring you (which, we can assume is inevitable), they are less inclinded to have these wonderful conversations about life that they seemed to enjoy with you before, they are less open with you etc. As an INFJ I was crushed about this change. From my perspective, I wanted to talk about these things but most of the time it was not reciprocated and/or negatively commented on. I really tried but it made me spiral so bad with negative thoughts about myself, about the relationship even though I have been in therapy for three years at that point. So I guess I wanted to say that INFJs are people too and sometimes the changes in another are not so subtle and would probably cause a reaction in anyone. To us they are more triggering for sure.

[tiffaniemcmillan]

I literally have full blown conversations with the abstract version of my loved one in my head, in anticipation of a proposed conflict that doesn’t even yet exist. It’s absolutely insane.

[LLawlietXD]

Walls ... As an INFJ myself, I often find myself questioning whether I have any friends at all and often, when I sit down to think through why I feel like I don't have any friends, I know I put up walls... But I can't tear them down... I get to know people really well but never let them know me - so I only have myself to blame for the feeling of friendlessness or loneliness.

[sidra]

I ended all of my relationships (friendships) either abruptly, or dramatically or on a bad note.
Just recently I realized that, and I decided I'm never going in a relationship or befriend anyone ever again.
I built incredibly high walls around me that no one can ever tear down, so that I never get hurt, or hurt anyone else.

[Elemiriel]

As an INFJ who just had my 5 year wedding anniversary and couldn't be more happy in my relationship, I can say from experience that my faith in God (I know, yes a religious INFJ!) and what I have learned about relationships from the Bible helped a TON. I am not perfect at it, but Jesus is the one who taught me to let go of that control tendency. Not trying to be preachy, but I would be remiss if I didn't share with my fellow INFJ-ers an option that might really help.