The Lies of Female Friendships, Competition and Jealousy

Chapters:

00:00 - Female friendships - how we got here
14:07 - My experience

What I use to make my videos:

What I use for my daily journaling:

Books that shaped me:



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[natemarx]

I have seen “friends” criticize their friends success/promotion. That is beyond gross and toxic.

[natemarx]

The moral of Lana’s story is simple: Stay away from toxic “friendships.”

[yujibell]

don't be friends with people who are envious of you, who never change their minds and who can't admit when they are wrong.

[Purrl]

I used to be good friends with very beautiful girls but I was on the lower spectrum of attractiveness. Whenever we went out, they always got the attention from different kinds of people, not just guys and they were treated a lot better because of how pretty they were. At first, it didn’t bother me at all because I loved my friends. But then, something in me switched.
The people who usually approached my friends would treat me like an absolute nobody. There were times I’d smile at people and try and say hello and they’d ignore me and wave at my pretty friends instead. There were times we’d go to clubs and guys would stand in front of me and start talking to my friend (nothing wrong with this but it’s always polite to at least acknowledge someone before proceeding to talk to the person they were talking to). There’s so many examples I can give.
It slowly started to become disheartening for me and eventually, my self esteem started to depreciate. I started hating the person I became whenever I’d go out with my friends because I’d started to get jealous.
I am in no way trying to say that I am in the right but the point I’m trying to make is that the way people treat you as the conventionally unattractive friend can sometimes lead to you not feeling good about yourself.
I worked on my self esteem but I had to draw back a little and go out on my own more. I’m still friends with my attractive friends and I love them all so much.

[SikhaB]

Be careful of the women "friends" who suddenly start showing interest in the same guy you're crushing on. In other words, they have to have what you have or possibly could have in the future.
Also stay away from "friends" who poke at your flaws and insecurities just to drag you down, and make themselves feel better. The stories I have!
Remember, the prettier you are, the more likely insecure and jealous people will point them out to you and dwell on it.

[TheWanderer]

“ Show me your friends, and I’ll show you; your future” - Daniel Pena. I think it is one of greatest things said on human relations. Yes, Lana it’s hard to find those rare gems that are genuine friends and harder is to keep them. I’ve had mixed experiences about friends, female friendships had the most influence on my life, and learned a lot of things over the course.
One thing for sure; the genuine ones always stay.

Thank you Lana for sharing such a thoughtful video and a reminder to check on the people around me.
Please keep up!

[elizabethhopkins]

This is so good. I am 67 and can tell that most of this never changes.

[djgonpet]

We often justify friends who are not really our friends, because we do have some fun and support with them.

[lucianlaiteng]

Always love how you bring up difficult topics people are afraid to talk about and admit but always end it with a positive/hopeful remark. Thanks for the video!

[jodieturnerx]

This was so interesting! The ending made me emotional too - I love the unspoken language between women. It's one of my favourite things because it is so pure.

[yoshi]

some female friendships turn out duplicitous. i have never seen anyone talk so bad behind one's back as women do about their 'friends'.

[wplants]

I’m 41 and it is interesting to see how much attractiveness did NOT play a part in making the most beautiful girls in my high school friend group more successful, healthy, happy or guarantee any sort of stable good relationship. Not that pretty privilege isn’t a thing…it’s just that it’s not enough to make a dent against this economy, against family trauma, against poor choices (that we all make). Nor did the smartest girls get the “best life” or the most money. It all seems kind of random to who appears more “successful” or happy.

[wizeyy]

As a man, I value commitment in my friendships too. Many of my friends would hang out without me or never text me back or would cancel plans. I let them go, I don’t need that bs.

Friendships are hard for us too. Like we always have to prove multiple times that we are cool and not some a*shole

[dearjenn_]

Thank you Lana! I believe that much of the competition and jealousy stem from insecurity and a lack of safety and reassurance during upbringing. I appreciate the last part where you mentioned how good we are at using unspoken language to uplift one another. It is a reminder of how small gestures an hold significant meaning for others! 🥰

[shalinirana]

this video couldnt have come at a better time 😂😂 i currently have one friend who was my best friend for 4 years and that all changed recently. now i dont feel like updating her on anything new in my life, and she doesnt update me about hers. i have another friend who is so unreliable, so push and pull. she makes me feel like we are getting closer then pulls away for 2 whole weeks. as lana said, it seems like these friendships are fragile ones and i feel like its best to let them fizzle out. but as someone who hasnt always had the best luck in making friends, i dont exactly want to give up on these friends just yet. to anyone in a similar situation in need of advice: keep your door open to friends like these and just hang out periodically, but make sure to set boundaries. dont know how well this is going to work out lol but im willing to keep in touch with both of them

[intanamalia]

I was have a friend in my college, we often hang out and even sleep together, we shared our problems, learn the lesson that we didn't know each other, shared our "boys problem". And untill i have someone that i love, i tell him to her, then when i got a heart break from him, i cry in her room, she was beside me. But the day after that, i just found that they are dating

[honeysugar]

Lana, thank you for this video! That ideal female friendship you described is what I've been looking for. Lately, I've been dealing with emotional dumpers (including my mum) which is really emotionally draining me and nowadays the ppl i confide in are my therapist, not my friends.

The last part of your video was quite moving to me too. I remember this time where I was having a particularly challenging day and got really tearful on the train. Usually ppl tend to mind their own business but this one girl noticed, offered me tissues and a hug. I will always remember the kindness of this female stranger for making me feel seen and less alone.

[rivi]

22:04 It's not only you who is crying. I always get emotional when someone talks about love. A love for another human being, an animal or simply the small moments in our life. The love which is unconditional, which does not need a reason, and we know that it is just there.

[senaraasini]

Like most goals you want to achieve in life, the friends you manifest for yourself is equally important. I'm truly grateful for the female friendships that continues to provide a safe space, emotional support and nurture my soul, i believe each and everyone of us is worthy of this.

[welltivate]

It's hard to maintain real genuine friendships as you age. But luckily its never too late to meet new friends. I joined a language class last year and made some new friends im very grateful for!❤