The Lies of Modern Friendships, Social Anxiety and Loneliness

Chapters:

00:00 - Introduction
01:00 - Does true friendship exist?
03:20 - Skillshare
04:50 - What's a friend?
05:30 - Aristotle on Friendship
08:42 - Friend groups
09:45 - Female lifelong friendships
11:33 - Circumstantial friendship
11:57 - Low maintenance friendships
16:52 - Female friendships
17:21 - Romantic friendships
18:50 - Friendship over time
20:52 - Final thoughts


Articles mentioned:

What I use to make my videos:

What I use for my daily journaling:

Books that shaped me:



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[natemarx]

All you need is a few friends. A friend to all is a friend to none. Not every acquaintance is worthy of your friendship.

[sebastian.c]

Currently seeing all my friendships fade to dust 4 years after finishing uni, hurts when you thought these were gonna be your life long friends, and they make less and less effort to see you as much as you want to see them

[suzannemayo]

I agree with you on “low maintenance friendships “. Too often I have felt that I wasn’t a priority, and afraid of being labeled needy if I expressed this. The fact is, I enjoy your company and miss it. Life is supposed to be about family AND friends.

[moderngoblin]

To everyone who said a friend is someone who doesn't judge you, don't be mistaken. Those are flatterers not friends, real friends call you on your shit and don't validate your awful toxic traits, a real friend is a thorn in your side. If you want an enabler then a flatterer will be perfect and revel and watch your downfall all while faux consoling you. A friend will say, get your shit together, hes an asshole, block him.

[soumayaouldbeziou]

The last point you mentioned resonated with me a lot: having always been an introverted loner, I always claimed that I loved solitude and that it didn’t bother me. But in the last few years, I’ve been feeling a constant loneliness that is so deep it’s physically painful at times. Then I’d feel ridiculous bc those two feelings are supposed to be contradictory.
But no, they’re different and can coexist. I can enjoy my alone time, but I can also crave physical and emotional connection.
Deep down I think I knew this, but I needed the reminder, so thank you ❤

[AwesomeRando]

I can tell Lana is not a fan of low maintenance friendships. Neither am I.

[Raelven]

I am staring 63 in the face.
I have five solid friends.

One, I've known 50 years.
Two, I've known 44 years.
One, I've known 32 years.
One, I've known 5 years.

I talk to the more recent friends more often, but less specifically.

I talk to the older friends less often, but we talk for hours, and very in depth. And it always feels like no time has passed.

[jucxox]

“Friendship means little when it’s convenient.”

[dragana]

Going through it right now, I learned that many friends turned into acquaintances over the years, they didn’t made effort to meet up to see each other in person, we only share the past and I feel like I grown so much and they didn’t even now how you said in the video the new me. Hope there many people like you and everybody that sees this video in the world, I really don’t like that people are so much self centered in an unhealthy way, humans need other humans. It’s not healthy to isolate too much.

[ZeroDarknezz]

There are 3 types of friends in your life:

A) Temporary friends, those who you spend some time in certain activities like a school club, sports, music band, etc.

B) Convenience friends, the worse type of friends cuz they pretend to be your friend until they get what they want from you, it doesn’t has to be something bad but after a period of time they ghost you and they avoid any kind of connection with you.

C) Long term friends, the most beautiful type of friend, someone who supports you, stay on your side, try to do anything to make you happy, no matter what. Also, he or she doesn’t let you out of their plans, usually they include you before anyone else. And this is the only type of friend who lasts the most, we are talking about years or even decades.

Good look finding long term friends.

[theparisdream]

I agree with you Lana - our sense of duty to one another is definitely diminishing. As I get older I am not pleased with low effort interactions anymore. I once thought, "Oh wow, how nice that this person thought of me out of the blue, " but now I want more. I want to give and receive more in terms of intimacy/closeness with real friends. This is energy that should be used selectively with the right people (as I only desire to have a close circle of friends). I think it is healthy to want those kinds of relationships.

[shanemecwan]

Been feeling betrayed by few very good friends of mine. Them disrespecting me in front of others, calling out my insecurities when I trusted them with it, and taking me for granted. I have stopped talking to them anymore. We all should cut negativity off from our life.

[Blueyzachary]

One of my best friends and I had been considering our friendship “low-maintenance”, but I am realizing that it’s not. We still hang out very often, it’s just we have healthy boundaries with each other, and if one of us isn’t feeling up to something, we can say no and no one is offended. I can be 100% real with her, and if there is judgement, I know where she is coming from, so I can respect her advice.

[trishmnz]

oh my god. i am so thankful you brought up the thing about low-maintenance friendships becoming too glorified these days. it's an excuse to not put effort into friendships. when, in fact, every relationship requires effort to stay solid. there should be a mutuality there. 'cause, if you don't take care of it and give proper attention, it will fizzle out. and you can easily go back to being strangers or acquaintances

[igoldenknight]

Integrity. Loyalty. Love. Those are qualities of a true friend. I don’t need to see them for 5 years and still give them a huge hug kind of friend because we KNOW each other.

[Rhema-Thy]

Definitely looking forward to an episode focusing on female-to-female friendships. It’s a constant struggle of mine😢🥺

[daniwanicki]

Friendships have been fleeting for me, especially as an adult. All of us live our own lives and we grow in and out of certain phases, so it can be difficult to relate at times as we grow. Aristotle's take on friendships is something to ponder on, thanks!

[ymdh]

friendships are so difficult to navigate. sometimes being alone seems so much simpler but then you end up feeling lonely.

[samashton]

I actually had this conversation with my closest friend a few months ago, the 'what is friendship?' question. We both came to the conclusion that friendships almost are like relationships, they need time, they need effort and they give you back a lot of love and care. Sometimes they fade, sometimes they stick forever. It all depends on honesty and communication, just like in romantic relationships.

[cheriebomb]

I had to finally let go of two of my long term friends who became LM friends. It was tough, but I had to do it. I got too depressed planning and investing so much time, effort, and even money into hangouts they desired only for them to cancel last minute or not return the favor due to being “busy”. The funny thing is with women like this is that they somehow always manage to get to work on time and carve out plenty of time for the random men who are currently giving them mindless attention. The value of friendship gets lost on lots of 20 something girls and they won’t realize it until it’s too late to apologize to the worthwhile girls they left behind.