an honest convo about female friendships

Covenant Eyes - 30 Days FREE:

(Affiliate link)

In a culture that either demonizes men or excuses them, we need men to know that God has a mission for them to pursue. To lead and love well.
Join me as I work through the challenges, and joys of what it means to be a man. This is a place for men to be strengthened on their mission to lead and love.

[fatima-xi]

Honestly, as a girl watching this, having deep friendships with guys never end well. Someone always catches feelings.

[mercychernet]

OK as a girl in high school who loves the lord, we NEED the woman version of this! so that we can make good boundaries and benifit both sides.

[tripplejaz]

Married brother here; to the sisters, please, please hear me as a man: we cannot be close friends with you. We suck at it. We will fall for you. It happens time and time again to my single friends. I used to tell people that the girl who came over all the time was just a friend, like a "young sister" to me. Well, my "young sister" and I have been married for 6 years and have 2 kids.

update: celebrated 7 years of marriage with "young sister" earlier this month! 🥳🥳

[GearzMonkey]

As someone who failed to instil boundaries between myself and a female friend, and then ended up dating them out of pity when they opened up about their feelings (because it was easier to say yes than to break their heart), I agree.

[taylorp]

Single Christian woman here. There is so much wisdom in this video! I'll just add this. Guys, you can be friendly, but please don't offer to be our support system, especially our emotional support system, unless you intentionally plan on commiting to a long term relationship with us and you've expressed that to us. It's hard not to catch feelings

[t.quinoa]

“If my wife does not know you, neither do I.” Love it!

[marghen]

All my life I've been looking for female attention and making "friends" hoping to be with them at some point, and it all ended badly for my actual relationships many times, I kept going up and down until I finally became a believer, and Jesus opened my eyes to my sinful nature... I repented, stopped all communication with my friends and prayed to God for a godly girl who wanted to start a family, and after a few months she appeared in my life. Four months later we got married, and a year later we became parents of a beautiful girl. Now my wife has become my real best friend. Thank God for everything!

[officialtbhoops]

My female best “friend” now has a boyfriend, and I quickly realized I have strong feelings for her that I can’t shake. Even though I’ve always been attracted to her, I lied to myself for so long and never thought of her as a potential partner since we were “just friends.” Before she was dating him, we hung-out 1on1 countless times and always had deep conversations.

Now, those things are not happening and I feel like I’m missing something, as if we subconsciously thought we were together at some point. That makes perfect sense to me, as we were both using each other for our relational needs without realizing it. It truly is as if we were together and broke up.

If you’re actually friends with someone, them getting into a relationship would not interfere with your friendship. Me and her were both looking for more through each other but didn’t realize it.

I miss her deeply and regret never acting on how I truly felt. However, I am grateful for what I have learned as a result of this situation.

The only way men and women can be friends is if there are clear-cut boundaries or if it is sort of a collateral relationship. Example: being friends with a friend’s wife as a result of your friendship with him.

[jordanmcgettigan]

when i was 15 or 16 i became pretty close friends with a girl i met volunteering at a thrift store one summer. we hung out one on one pretty often, i think weekly almost, and i only ever intended to be friends with her. she on the other hand had other ideas. we stopped at a park one day and she asked if i had feelings for her/if i was interested in being her boyfriend and i had to explain to her that never intended on being more than friends and after a very awkward drive to the apartment complex where she lived we stopped talking and the friendship essentially ended.

men, i don't think we'll ever be able to understand women's intentions without asking, and asking (and answering) that question is not something that neither men nor women are very fond of. so i would say, if you aren't intending to pursue a woman for the purpose of a dating (and eventually marriage) relatioship, don't waste your time, energy, and money on a one on one (outside of a group setting) friendship with a woman. it's not worth the risk of pain that it can bring to you or them, regardless of how little or big that pain might be.

god bless.

[Isaiah_John._ChangeUrLife]

As a woman watching this, this video is spitting facts that need to be heard in the world, such as my highschool 😭

[marshallturner]

Thank you for this. It's something I've been thinking about for a while. I'm realizing that I allow myself to "spill my guts" and be way too open with female friends, especially those I have even a slight interest in. That's something I need to change. Thank you Issac

[kaymojil]

I can’t tell you how many male friendships I’ve lost because we had unequal intentions.

[vnomxxx]

Wow. I wish I had this video 4 years ago when I was in high school and trying to find a girlfriend. So many times I go to know girls and told them my entire life story, and they told me theirs, and we created this false intimacy. That’s why it hurt so badly when they rejected me. Thank you Issac, I will be careful how much of my guts to spill. I will tell the truth and my story, but I will avoid making things emotional or generating anything intimate.

[sphere.]

Guess this is the perk of being awkward, I don't need to do a thing. It takes care of itself.

[jaydenchang]

Thank you for talking about this. As a college student, I’ve been struggling with approaching women in the church without worrying about going in with the wrong intentions. I’ll continue to pray over it to have wisdom and courage and I already feel that God spoke to me here cause I’m more confident now after seeing this!

[JalonAdinig-oy]

Thank you so much for making this video Issac. I was hurt by a godly Christian guy who didn't set boundaries with me. He spent hours one on one with me and we had deep conversations. He said we were just friends, but I held out hope. I should have set boundaries and not spent so much time with him, and opened up to him like I did. He told me "I just spend time with you like I do with all my other friends." But, it not the same at all. It hurt, and it broke my heart. I had to delete his number so that I could guard my heart and continue to pursue the Lord without distractions. I was too vunerable and it ended up leaving scars only God can heal.

[marioncarbonell]

I feel like having female friends is okay as long as the friendships are casual or more on the acquaintances side, because whenever you guys try to become “ best friends “, there’s always going to be some sort of romantic or sexual interest from either the guy or the girl and feelings aren’t always mutual and that’s whenever things get really messy.

[tyronrossouw]

Agree with you, brother! Man this video is on time for me. Praise the Lord! I’m busy removing myself from exactly this relationship that you’re speaking to. God opened my eyes and I realised something simple but for me eye-opening, and that’s this: Adam was ALONE with God when God brought him his wife. Not spending time with some other “woman”.

[axelgonzalez]

This is so true I swear, a man & women at some point will catch feeling it’s only a matter of time .

[TheSinlessAssassin]

As much as it pains me...I strongly agree with this. A lot of girls got the wrong idea whenever I'd let them open up to me about their darkest deepest secrets. I do it for my guy friends too, but with women I liked the opportunity to do it an even softer way than I do with men.

Anyways, very long story short, my last girlfriend actually got super jealous and angry with me for having a lot of female friends who weren't hers, and the fact that I shared a lot of deep things with these other women as well. It kind of diluted the level of intimacy my girlfriend and I had because I was spreading myself out thin.

As toxic as my ex was in hanging around douchebags despite my reservations and acting like she didn't flirt with them, she was right to call me out on having a network of women who I subconsciously was setting up to be my rebounds in case anything went wrong with her.