ADHD Social Skills: Socialize with Confidence by PreGaming!

Socializing can be difficult, if not downright painful, for a lot of us with ADHD… turns out there might be some ways to make it more enjoyable! Such as pre-gaming, a concept we learned from Caroline Maguire. What is a PreGame? We’ll let Jessica and Caroline tell ya!

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What's in this video:
00:00 - Introduction
00:47 - Strategies for Preparing for Social Engagements
01:10 - The Importance of a PreGame Plan
01:34 - Tailoring Social Preparation to Personal Needs
02:11 - How to Charge Your Emotional and Social Battery
02:33 - Setting a Positive Mindset for Social Interactions
03:04 - Choosing the Right Environment for Your Comfort
03:32 - Making Detailed Plans for Social Events
04:08 - Jessica's PreGame Shopping
05:11 - Budgeting and Decision-Making During Shopping
06:06 - Reflecting on the Benefits of PreGaming
07:02 - Extended Version on Patreon
07:23 - Join our Discord Community

[Already.Forgotten]

Having ADHD, social skills is something I’ve always struggled with as I would get distracted easily when having conversations and not remember major details about the conversation, hence it would lead to a lot of misunderstandings and miscommunication. I tend to forget people’s names easily and I’ve been accused of being insensitive. Having ADHD really makes it hard for me to connect with people and I also tend to be socially awkward and anxious. ADHD is truly something I wouldn’t even wish on my enemies. It’s a daily struggle.

[aramattaschaeffer]

“I can have nice things, even if I lose them sometimes.” This hit home and was apparently something I needed to hear. ❤

[NZsMa]

I've done this with my son for years. We talk about the people who will be there, what we know about them & their lives & family, what current things we've done or accomplished, & other things we can discuss with people. We talk about the questions we have anxiety about hearing & what answers we can provide to help us feel confident or deter negative feedback. Lastly we establish social signals for each other. We discuss which people are monopolizers & how to signal to each other we need help getting out of a conversation, or how to avoid getting trapped by them in the first place. Lastly we discuss how long we want to stay, what we want to stay for, & what our goals are. Once we've figured that out we decide how to signal to each other that we're ready to leave or if we want to stay & how much longer (usually in 15-30 minute increments). We have discovered that if we do this it incredibly lessens our social anxiety, deepens conversations, & helps us feel comfortable about the timing & schedule of the event & we both have a much better & productive time.

[sckilham]

I'm a big google map stalker!! I get very stressed out if I don't know where there will be parking, what I'm looking for, what the roads are like etc. It helps me a ton to take 10-15 minutes to google the location, see the route I'll be taking and what it looks like from the outside. Sometimes there are even pictures of the inside which is even better! doing this the night before or the morning of also helps me to get there on time because I know how long it'll take to get there and if there are issues that might come up (like finding parking, wait times, road work). I can start the social time relaxed and in control rather than rushed and flustered.

[wurdnurd]

How funny, this was exactly the topic I spoke about with my therapist this morning, down to the "I'm worried I'm too much for a normal person"

[samanthacampbell]

This came at the PERFECT time! I am going to an event this evening where I know no one. My boyfriend asked me what I was going to do today and I said, "get ready for the event." Between self talk, 1000 yard stares, and time blindness, it will literally take me all day to prepare. I'm just glad I have the time. I found this video so encouraging and helpful. Thank you!

[padminimayur]

I would love to see a 'go shopping with me' episode!

Having someone model / body double the decision making, the budgeting and maybe even tough rejecting of items, would be fantastic!

[sziromkati]

"I can have nice things, even if I sometimes lose them" - this hit me so hard. This should be a mantra especially for women w ADHD. I often feel that I don't deserve new, nice, expensive things, because I'm gonna loose them anyway.

[BlakemanTribe]

I love this idea of pre-gaming. Prepping with my water bottle, a snack, some happy thoughts/victories in my life can really go a long way. People tend to be surprised when they hear that I’m an introvert or sometimes have a hard time going out. The tips in this video help. -kb

[zeromotivation]

Jessica, I would just like to say, firstly congratulations on your contribution to the human species, because of your compassion to the ADHD community I am sure you have the (only) real requirement/quality required to be a great mum, boundless love and empathy. So enjoy your time to ( although mums are never *just* mums, but I digress) bond with the little one.
Secondly, a personal thank you, yours was the first ADHD channel I found when I started down a path of diagnosis and self awareness and self acceptance. Your videos helped a lot.
You helped me understand that I was not the failure I had thought myself to be for close to the last 45-50 years.
Its amazing how, when new facts and personal truths come to light, the model that you use to explain your world then logically has to change. The scientific method at work.🤠
Anyway enjoy your leave, we will still be here if you choose to return, and If you choose to set your feet on another path, then "fair winds and clear skies ".
Oh and as to how I pregame, I never used to at all, would normally just curl up into a ball. not sure if that was my ADHD or anxiety, but it wasn't fun.
but over the last couple of months I have started to define a sense of self.
Cheers from Aus.

[TMIINemises]

The first step feels so important. I just found out that the majority of my social issues come from a place of distrust due to my childhood (being bullied, being told constantly never to trust anyone, being exposed to consistent lying, etc.) I am unable to feel comfortable in so many social environments. Once I know I am in an environment/ with people I can trust, then the rest comes easy

[AllenZen]

So after 3 or 4 years that i have found you online. I think i might have a mix of autism and ADHD (more the first one). And you make me feel good about being ME, because i feel so embarrassed that im 24 of my socializing because im just so smart but do not do small talk or, for instance on the job's zoom calls i just don't like unmuting myself and talk cuz WHY SHOULD I.
So ty. Ty ty for yhese videos and just for your personality, i feel so calm.

[JacktheRah]

I think the "going out into nature beforehand" really helps. As well as making a back up plan if the social interaction doesn't go well so that it feels like there is less pressure on the whole thing. But going out into nature is definitely something I will try to do on a regular basis. Especially if you can go out to the woods and its quiet there, just nature noises.

[apexyl]

I had a counseling session the other day, and we talked about how most of my issues with adhd arise in social settings. I told her I felt like I had no idea what to say or where to look as I talked, that everything I did was a conscious effort. She asked how I felt in comparison to other people my age.

I said “When DNA mutates, it’s possible for the protein it ends up making to still work, though just not as efficiently or as good as what the normal protein can do. It’s called a leaky mutation. That’s how I feel whenever I’m around other people, like a protein that came from a leaky mutation.”

[morganelova]

Hi Jessica! I received your book this morning and I am so so excited to read it. I got diagnosed with ADHD at the end of last year, at 24, and your channel has really helped me understand my brain better. The content you create really helps me to make my life better. Thank you for everything!

[kix]

For anyone who can't seem to decide on what clothes to buy quickly and need to try (almost) everything out (because it just might suit you!) I have a tip: Try to figure out what your seasonal colour and/or your kibbe body type is. I've been on this journey since about a year and I've been pretty sure about my kibbe body type for a while now but only recently (think I have) found out what seasonal colour I am. My hyperfocus is over but while I was really really into it I learned so much about which colours and types of clothes suit me (and others). Now I go into a shop and only look at the colours which suit me (and I like of course) and if there are any then I look for whether they have the "right" shape. While I've spent hours upon hours in only one shop in the past now I only need max half an hour (with trying on) and only a few minutes if they don't have anything I like on me. This has been a life changer for me! 😊
(You could of course just try to figure out what colours YOU like. But don't be surprised if you end up with seasonal colours anyway. 😁)
But don't be fooled: It's much more complicated than it might seem at first glance. So yes, it normally takes a very long time until you have figured out what seasonal colour and/or kibbe body type you are but if you are interested in it and finally have figured it out it's SO worth it. There are also some studios and experts who offer analysis like these.

[ALADDIN]

I agree, feel good. I also have learned to regulate my emotions.

[peterbathum]

Happy baby! You are helping a lot of people and deserve your joy.

[SalemStreams]

Congrats to you and your family with the new bundle of joy! I wish you all the best! I'm reading your book How to ADHD and I love it as well as your content! Keep up the great work!

[feliciahudson]

I can get overstimulated and get a headache when I'm in a large group of people. My Pre-Game is to make sure I have my pain killers and a pair of ear plugs on hand. These items live in my purse so I can never forget them.