ADHD and Friendships: How to Play the Social Game!

The way ADHD brains develop can put us out of step with our childhood peers, leaving us feeling awkward, left out and with social anxiety that can follow us into adulthood. Here, I talk about my own experiences with that, and offer simple solutions.

**note -- I want to add that one of the Brains pointed out that peers and the internet aren't always the best source of information, which is true. Cultures vary, biases like racism and sexism exist, and also, well-meaning advice that might work for one person won't necessarily be appropriate for another.

My hope is that we can sift through all the information available to us and check in with ourselves as to whether or not it feels right.

In any case, personally, if I'd known what to expect on a sleepover, how to be a good "host," or what appropriate etiquette is for a first date, I think I would have felt a lot more prepared to deal with the social situations I found myself in.

****LINKS!****

"The Show Must Be Go," "Professor Umlaut"
Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0

“Game Over” sound effect by spazzo_1493, used under a Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 license.

“Game coin” by Adam Weeden, used under a Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 license.

[Funkythulhu]

I'd like to see an adult version of this. Because, ultimately kids are much more inclusive in this manner. When you're an adult, it's damn-near impossible to find other adults willing to be patient with you while you learn how to socialize properly.

[Clutterbug]

I'm almost 40, i think i need to ask my mom to schedule me playdates...lol. Peopling is hard.

[fen]

Feel like I'm getting all this info about 3 decades late o_o

[Merlijn]

Forgetting everyone's name is an ADHD thing too? Why did nobody tell me that earlier?

[wishingtree]

I have ADHD,
Some times I feel like people aren’t friends with me cause I’m too friendly

[god-glsx]

I do this sometimes, but I have ADD. I will talk to someone forever, and then not talk to them for a week. I don't mean to, I just do it on accident and move around a lot.

[saucegremlin]

I have a small group of friends, and they all also have adhd, so we confuse each other, so it's all good.

[SusanHiggins]

1. The video game analogy IS PERFECT
2. This explains my entire life in 6 minutes (and I'm 48)
3. Your videos should be shown in every school.

[quickgirl]

I didn’t know this was an adhd thing. I’m also an introvert & often find that masking for others completely exhausts me. Even thinking about hanging out with friends is exhausting. I’ve neglected most of my friends. Emotionally I want to hang out but mentally & physically I don’t have the energy.

[eonstar]

I find making a friend is easy but maintaining can be hard :p.


edit: Guys I made this comment 4+ years ago, can you stop replying :\

[who.only]

Does anyone have a problem acting extremely immature in certain social settings? I remember in middle school, I had some kids I hung out with at the lunch table every day. I acted really silly and think they mostly just tolerated my presence. Other than that, I was a shy and quiet kid. Fast forward to high school and again, I was shy and quiet until I got comfortable in the small class I was in and then I acted silly and like a little kid. The same thing happened in college with my sorority sisters. I was well-behaved otherwise, but put me in a group setting with my friends and it was like my maturity level plummeted. And it`s not "socially acceptable" stupid stuff either, like going out and getting drunk. It's actual stupid stuff, like mushing potatoes all over your mouth. Grade schooler stuff. Or like taking an inside joke among friends and using it ad nauseam. Or constantly running a meeting off the rails with silly behavior. I can't believe the things I used to do. Glad I *finally* grew out of it.
But is this part of the ADHD or is this just me having been actually very immature and...I don't even know what you would call it. I'm not an extrovert, so I don`t get energized from being around people, but it was like getting keyed up from being around them and being out of control as to how to act.

[einarfitzrocque]

One of the hardest parts about growing up with ADHD is the lack of understanding. I was only diagnosed when I left my mom’s place at 16 because she didn’t believe that it actually existed. Many of my teachers said that I “had so much potential, but needed to try harder”. I had no idea how to socialize when I became an adult because I’d been excluded from friend groups for being too “weird”, and is often say or do things that I had no idea were socially unacceptable. I really wish I found your videos when I was younger, it would have helped a lot! They do help me now though, so even though I’m still not completely adjusted to society, I feel a lot more comfortable in it.

[Raindropsontheglass]

Messaging friends back and remembering their birthdays is my greatest struggle

[itwasfunnierinmyhead]

I am famous for saying the wrong thing.
Being a hyper spaz.
Dropping honest bombs.
Only having friends that are not "age appropriate" according to the "norm".
Not being able to socialize except with Aspies and ADHDers.
all I learned growing up was how to sabotage relationships before I became attached.

[MG-gcnn]

I’m crying...I thought I was just a weirdo who didn’t know how to talk to people 😭😭 it’s nice to know that it’s because of my ADHD

[annm.]

I am actually a non stop talker, talking with people was never a problam but keeping them as friends is the big deal. they just get crepped out from me, that is why I prefer to sit in silent alone with no one, because I am afraid of what might think of me.

[WisdomCritFail]

I'm 20 and about to finally get diagnosed with ADHD after just being told by my doctor that there's a _super high_ chance that I have it. My doctor told me to check out your channel and I've been bingeing your videos today. When you said that some parts of our brains are "a few years behind, " that made me feel so validated. For the past while, I've felt like I'm not mentally as developed as my peers and always saw that as something that's my fault, as opposed to a disorder. It's really nice to hear that there's an explanation for this that isn't just that I'm doing a bad job at being a person.

[becsingleton]

I related to this so much that I started to tear up. I’d never heard someone explain that they felt like there’s were social rules that everyone seemed to know but themselves before. I had always felt this way growing up but had never heard it put into words before. I also liked learning the science behind it.
I feel really relieved now.
I hope you have a great day!

[AmirHosseinHonardust]

I always have problem with keeping friends. I get bored from "normal" people.

[jackiet]

I just came across this channel after a night of crying out of frustration of how others react or interact with my 10 year old son. I'm going to have him watch this video tonight because he will relate to the video game theme so much. I also love how you explain things from your perspective, because as I parent, sometimes I feel lost on how to handle certain situations. Sometimes I feel as if I'm chipping away my sons self esteem and confidence, without even realizing. I love your thoughts, advice, and tidbits. This helps me to understand and connect with my son. Thanks so much. I'm subscribed to your channel and can't wait to view more of your videos!