The Problem with Masking ADHD and Autism (burnout, etc.)

Masking is something those of us with ADHD do a lot, and usually without even realizing it, but what exactly is the problem with masking our ADHD and Autism?

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Citations for "The Problem with Masking ADHD and Autism (burnout, etc.)":

Sedgewick, F., Hull, L., & Ellis, H. (2021). Autism and Masking: How and Why People Do It, and the Impact It Can Have. Jessica Kingsley Publishers.

[katie]

I once wrote something along the lines of "masking is basically like living every day in a job interview, trying to convince people that you're like them and worthy of a place in their world". It's exhausting.

[martelraykin]

The most dehumanizing part is the feeling that you are a different person around each person you meet. I have two groups of friends + my family and I feel like if i put them all in a room, I wouldn't know which "me" to be, because I don't have the same levels and areas of masking with each group.

[VancePantss]

The hardest part is when you've been masking so long you can't tell when you're masking and when you aren't, so you mask when you don't need to or suddenly stop masking in front of people because it slips your mind.

[KaterynaM_UA]

I went to get my ADHD diagnosis and they said “well you are definitely on a spectrum but you might be dealing with it too good to call it a disorder” and I’m like… I just told you I haven’t cleaned my room in a year and can’t call a tax office for 7 months bc I just can’t make myself. Honestly it feels like I’m being punished for being smart and putting extra effort in.

[russellwatt]

I was once told by a work colleague that I was the most eccentric person he ever met and why couldn't I be more normal. I asked if he considered himself normal. When he said yes, I advised I am pleased to be eccentric as I wouldn't want to be anything like him.

[TorrentialStardust]

The weird irony is that when quarantine started I got a mask and I love wearing a mask because I don’t have to focus on my facial expressions: I don’t have to mask those quirks because of my actual mask

[starsnacks]

I’m neurodivergent. And I never realized that I was masking until I took a civil rights class in college and learned the term ‘code switching’. I was so confused and angry, because until then, I thought everyone on the planet was constantly masking or code switching all the time and that’s what it meant to be in a society. I was so upset to learn that there are some people who can just BE. It was the beginning of me realizing a lot about myself.

[mmartinezPhysics]

It's like being a "method actor", stuck in a single role, during your entire public life; it's brain overload!!!

[danher]

I spent 28 years unconsciously masking my undiagnosed autism and ADHD. Spent years trying to work out why I was so depressed and anxious when I felt I had no reason to be. Only to find out it was because I was constantly trying to mask who I was, even from myself.

It caused an awful lot of damage to my mental health, damage I'm slowly (very slowly) healing, although it doesnt often feel that way

[p_serdiuk]

I feel like I forgot how to be more ADHD so now I can't deal with the burnout that masking had caused. We need more literature on what kinds of behavior are healthy for ADHD even if they aren't "productive". A lot of self-help books revolve either around neurotypical productivity or around just describing what ADHD is, how it is treated, and how to compensate for its deficiencies, yet there's very little written about how to actually live with ADHD and take care of our unique needs in a healthy manner.

[FoxintheBox]

As much as everyone seemed to hate quarantine, I loved it because it made me more comfortable and learn not to mask as much, I didn't go out in public as often so I didn't get the constant pressure of "acting appropriate"

[Atoll-okzm]

At this point I don't even know what parts are me and what parts are a mask. I was diagnosed in 3rd grade. I've been masking since before I had a personality to mask. I can code switch so hard I can fit in with anybody. Everything feels artificial.

You might ask what I like, what's my favorite X, and honestly I have no idea. I legitimately don't know and that's so strange.

[mozaik-inc]

I always thought I was introverted but I realized that I just hate feeling the pressure to mask amongst people I don’t know. It feels like all my processes are shackled and I have to devote too much energy towards looking normal when I can get things done in half the time when im being real with myself.

[AspienWaifu]

I'm sitting here crying because I feel so relieved to have someone to help not just me with understanding MY neurodivergence (I'm ASD and ADHD) but also to help my son to understand HIS brain. He's ADHD and often becomes very discouraged because of how the current education system is set up, seemingly against kids like him, and your videos help us both understand him and each other better. Thank you so much 💖💗

[halcyonzenith]

Whenever I try to relate things like this to my dad, he would say things like "it's not like you have a broken leg" or "in my day we would have just called you stupid". A lot of neurotypical people seem to hold the opinion that you don't have a real problem or that you are selfish because "other people have it way worse "

[TheGrmln]

I still remember going to court, to see if I qualified for disability assistance. The judge told me that I didn't qualify, because I was successfully masking, even after he noted that I had demonstrated an obvious need for assistance. Because I was able to seem fine for thirty minutes, it was assumed that I was able to seem fine for days at a time. It's like being told we can do 100 pushups in a row, if we are usually able to do 10, whenever needed.

[CilantroGamer]

I find myself constantly confused and trying to evaluate - what part of me is my personality, what part is my ADHD, and what part is masking? Is there a real me? What have I lost or repressed because I've felt the need to mask?

[cassaundraflora]

I am nearly 30 and only just recently got my ADHD diagnosis. It finally makes sense why I always feel emotionally exhausted after small things, constant masking is tiring.

[jennabarrett]

I remember actively trying to NOT mask during my diagnosis process, and even then, and even though the test results indicated I had ADHD, the evaluator was still like mm I guess you "probably" have "mild" ADHD. Just cause I'm good at handling it doesn't mean it is mild!!!

[Wafflesex]

I always used to wonder why I'm so tired throughout the day and I realized that masking is a major contributor to that! Because it's so normal to my brain, it's become second nature by now, but it hasn't become any less exhausting. And masking is SO exhausting. It's amazing to think that I'm technically working twice if not three times as hard as my neurotypical peers. We're not lazy; we're just so so so tired.