How To Actually Socialize

Dr. K’s Guide to Mental Health explores Anxiety, Depression, ADHD, and Meditation

#shorts #drk #mentalhealth

[GilgameschUruk]

My social anxiety went away when I stopped trying. Stopped trying to say more, stopped trying to look cool, stopped trying to drink more because people told me so, stopped laughing and smiling when I didn’t feel like laughing and smiling.
Literally stop trying to fit in and you‘ll be amazed how much you start to fit in. It‘s a paradox.

[theletters]

Also, something I have learned as an autistic person, if you approach interactions with genuine enthusiasm and/or care, anyone worth talking to will just silently gloss over your social blunders

[vlowolvtake]

People need to be taught to be considerate and kind to others and not just be dismissive to people who don't seem to get it.

[OnFight]

As an introvert, that spends most of his time inside and has few friends, I used to go something like 24-48hours without saying a word on the regular basis. Putting yourself in a social environment, changes you as a person overtime, first it will feel like impostor syndrome, then you get used to it, the beauty of the human brain, it was built through evolution to adapt to situations.

[kaeson]

People are actually pretty easy when you give 'em a chance. Like Anthony Bourdain said, "Be smart, but be open to the world." Everyone's got a story that they're just itching to tell, and a big smile with a hearty laugh goes such a long way. Also, and this is huge, people LOVE to complain; it's something we all have in common, everyone's got something to complain about. If you wanna make friends, listen to people complain and just be like "damn, man, that really sucks." Works wonders for me as someone who has a hard time meeting people.

[Akizurius]

Instead of thinking that "I'll try to socialize" I started thinking that "I'll practice socialising" and that does the trick. So instead of worrying if I will do well I assume that I'll do badly but at least I'll get some practice. It makes me less stressed and I think I am improving.

[buttonmashgamer]

The Sims taught me to talk to mirror to increase Charisma.

[Lianpe]

Three things I figured somewhat recently are:
1. I was aproaching conversations the wrong way, the reason I wanted to talk to someone was to not be awkward, but if I'm not genuinelly interested in learning about the other person and hearing them then the conversation will always be awkward. So I should be interested in the other person to be able to talk without issues.
2. The topic doesn't matter, all I need to do is say what I truly feel and think and I'll always have something to say, as long as I'm respectful and don't treat my prejudgements and impresions as raw facts then I won't have issues.
3. It's ok if I don't like or care about the other person or if the other person doesn't like or care about me, we don't need to talk. It's fine if we dislike each other as long as no one gets harmed.

In summary, being genuine, honest and considerate will get the job done.

[auspistic]

Other tip -- become an exceptional, genuine listener. Be genuinely curious about other people. You will find yourself a more capable speaker as if by magic.

[VictimOfFat]

Yeah the problem is what happens is that people label you as the 'weird' guy and either avoid you entirely or keep the interaction short.

The only way i see this working is to constantly seek new groups and people who know nothing about you so you can keep screwing up until you dont anymore.

In the mean time you gotta deal with the agony of being left out and ostracised constantly.

Im at a disadvantage because i have a super deep voice... im tall and intimidating with a scary face.

Plus on most topics, especially when they get political and worldly, im a dumbass

[_Allu]

I think practicing gratefulness in every moment is a super weapon to becoming mindful, optimistic, and letting go of expectations, all of which are core to being less socially anxious. Gratefulness is literally the opposite of anxiety, just think about it.

[Get__StuffDone]

I've been so isolated, that something feels "broken, " completely atrophied....I no idea that I had completely forgotten how to socialize, until I realized that I was standing near a small group of strangers, smiling and listening and had no idea what to say.

One guy turned and looked at me, and i realized " omg I've turned into one of those people who just stands there, and makes other people uncomfortable. " 😅😅😅 I just 🚶‍♀️ 🚶‍♀️ 🚶‍♀️

[mrydobon]

Not everyone's brain can just "figure it out". There are lots of us with neurodivergent brains who need every piece of social interaction explained. Real experience is still essential for us, but so are good education and training.

[Kevin-tshf]

My brain short circuits and leaves me looking like an ass 😅

[lauravsthepage]

I went through a phase of “teaching myself to socialize” but all I was doing was teaching myself how to act like a character that I decided I wanted to play. It really was not sustainable and people do pick up on someone being unauthentic. It did teach me how to be really good in professional or formal settings but my real social life came from me letting that go and letting my instincts carry me instead.

[iluxa-]

The worst part is - I don't have anywhere to go out to. The third space has been completely destroyed over the last 10-20 years

[aalleexxandreg]

I wish showing up was enough. I've tried a lot of times but my brain refuses to do the rest. When I try to speak in a group situation absolutely nothing comes to mind and I end it up staying quiet the whole time. It's quite frustating.

[MisterL]

Napoleon said you should aim for 2/3 planning and 1/3 spontaneity. Too much planning makes you a coward and too little makes you reckless.
Full planning is a bad place and cripples all action

[BoredPodcaster]

My typical experience is that I'm either ignored, or someone has some problem with me. Last time I tried to socialize, I got told off because I actually tried to RELATE to someone, and share my experience with the topic. I was even agreeing with what they said in my response, but for whatever reason, my bothering to respond to them was a problem for them.
At this point, the only time I bother participating in a conversation is if I already know the person if in real life, or if online, if it's a comment like this one, aimed at the video in general. And to be honest, that's not even a conversation, it's just a comment about a topic that people don't have to react to or care about.
Some people have great experiences with society in general, and can fit in perfectly fine. I'm not one of those people, I even grew up with this experience. It's ridiculous, but that's why I stopped trying, and end up spending most of my time alone.

[StewartFletcher]

I struggle a lot with social anxiety but the ultimate irony is that I'm very social adept. I have lots of friends. I'm quick-witted and an engaged listener. Girls tend to like me, people seem to think I'm funny. But for some reason, I cannot initiate social engagements or instigate conversations. It's a serious mental blockage that doesn't come from anywhere I can think of. I don't have any trauma around it or anything really, something one day just kinda broke