the fear of love

Love. One of the things in this world most worthy of fear. Capable of building worlds up and destroying them in the same exact breath. Why some live, and why others decide to stop. Love can be everything, and can make us nothing.

Many stories discuss this topic, and this video essay is going to analyze how it’s presented across a few anime. Violet Evergarden and its titular Violet lays the framework by expressing how love can be so different for everyone; the incomprehensibility of love based on perspective. Steins;Gate shows Okabe Rintaro, or Hououin Kyouma, and his own fear of love because of how it lacks any comprehensive logic, the mask he wears to make love make sense, like with Kurisu Makise or Mayuri Shiina. A Silent Voice integrates the concept with self worth through Shoya and Shoko’s stories, a pair who both give too much, and take too little, based on factors they can’t control, complicated love even more. And, of course, Trigun, the story of Vash the Stampede, one living among humans with nothing but love for them, and who can only be constantly hurt by that strong feeling in every single way, like with Meryl. With these anime (Violet Evergarden, Steins;Gate, A Silent Voice, and Trigun) and a personal story, this video essay will analyze and discuss the themes of these series and what we can learn from them.

the fear of being loved | an anime analysis video essay

#anime #animeanalysis #professorviral #steinsgate #asilentvoice #violetevergarden #trigun

[Dimas-dj]

Loving someone is painful, but being loved is scary

[wendellcosta]

"Love is terrifying because it means loving ourselves enough to be loved."

An amazing philosophic synthesis is always poetic. Love you Professor Viral.

[arpitsea]

In the trigun remake, Vash said "No matter how heavy a cross you carry, you still deserve to eat, you still deserve to laugh" i love this quote.

[Xoliam]

Wow. "I can't tell if you like me", "That's the point you idiot" is some of the hardest hitting yet accurate descriptions I've ever heard a stranger say.

[jmh]

"It's not that calling love a transaction is bad even if it feels reductive. It's like trying to set a price when everyone has their own currency and there's no exchange rate."

Bloody hell, they DID send a poet.

[hiroto_leigh]

"The cost of loving someone so much is never loving again"

- Random quote from a guy on the internet

[dxnzaii]

“Love is so terrifying because we need to love ourselves enough to be loved.” What a quote

[lmtaylorr]

15:54 “if someone gives you there time and all you can do is lack energy, be sad or depressed why would they want to be around you?” Hit me on a personal level. Sadness is something that resonates with me in my personal life. AND i believe it’s okay to be sad sometimes. But I don’t want people to go away because of my sometimes sad demeanor

[juanitopantuflapantufla]

For me the most terrifying part is being vulnerable, trusting someone who I have no reason to trust even if I know that most people wouldn't betray you if you told them your insecurities, every time I've done that I have made a friend, or they didn't care, but every time it is terryfing, and I feel like im ripping myself open for them, and trusting them to not take my heart and blow it up.

[tufits]

Violet Evergarden was the first anime to genuinely make me tear up.
It was the aspect of the fact that she had no clue what love was with the man that took care of her telling her "i love you" as parting words just hit me.

[sadashi]

Love has always felt like a double-edged sword to me. The first time I experienced something close to being loved was back in 9th grade. I remember watching my friends fall in love one by one, feeling like I was being left behind. Then somehow, I found myself in a relationship with someone from the same class. It was a strange feeling, being alone together felt like stepping into a world only we could see, a small bubble where everything was warm and safe. But the moment someone else entered that space, a friend, a teacher, a passing glance, the magic would vanish. I wasn’t proud of it, but I kept pulling away, not because I didn’t care about her, but because I couldn’t understand why she cared about me. What was there to love? I couldn’t shake the feeling that I didn’t deserve it. Three months in, we broke up. My next relationship didn’t happen until my first year of college. I met a girl online who liked me for who I was, or so I thought. By then, I believed I had learned from my mistakes. I convinced myself that to truly love someone, I first had to love myself. And for a while, I did. It felt like bliss, the late-night chats, the never-ending conversations, the feeling of being seen and heard. But a month in, I found out she was still talking to her ex. She told me they had broken up months ago, but the truth was it had only been two months. That was the first time I ever cried for someone. I didn’t cry when my grandparents died, but here I was, breaking down over a girl I had known for just a month. I asked her why she did it, how she could lie to me so easily. She said sorry, and I let her go. But after a month, I reached out again. She said she missed me, and I told her I missed her too. I was blinded by the feeling of longing. It was the first time I truly felt like someone was there for me, listening, caring, and filling the empty spaces I didn’t realize I had. But looking back, it wasn’t love — it was the fear of being alone. We stayed together for two years, a time filled with broken promises and empty stares. She cheated on me multiple times, and no matter how much effort I put into keeping the relationship alive, it always felt one-sided. I kept hoping that if I loved her harder, if I tried to make her happy, she would finally look at me the way I looked at her. But every time, she just stared at me blankly. She manipulated me into giving everything I had in exchange for nothing. I wasn’t allowed to see my friends, couldn’t fall asleep until she gave me permission, and had to set aside my hobbies because she didn’t like them. Small arguments would explode into screaming matches where she wouldn’t let me speak. I would pour my heart into long messages explaining how I felt, but she never read them. It was as if my words didn’t matter. When it finally ended, I didn’t feel free. I felt empty. I was terrified that she might show up at my house and beg me to come back, afraid that I wouldn’t be strong enough to say no. But she never did. Instead, she sent me messages for nine months apologizing, but by then, all I could feel was the weight of the emotional scars she left behind. It felt like learning how to walk again, but with crutches. It has been a year and four months since we broke up, and I still can’t bring myself to love again. It’s not that I don’t want to — it’s that every time I feel the slightest hint of affection for someone, fear creeps in. I wonder if they really like me for who I am or if I’m just convenient for them. The way I once saw love, with all its warmth and excitement, is something I can’t seem to grasp anymore. Loving someone is already a heavy responsibility, but being loved is terrifying when you don’t understand why. How can someone care about you when you struggle to see anything worth loving in yourself? That fear has rooted itself so deeply in me that the moment I start to want love again, it feels like standing at the edge of a dark, unknown ocean. I don’t know what lies beneath the surface — whether it's happiness or heartbreak — and so I back away. All of this happened because I didn’t know my own worth. I couldn’t accept myself, and in doing so, I allowed someone else to define me. I paid the price for giving someone the power to shape who I was. Love has become something I no longer chase, not because I don’t want it, but because I am afraid of what it might bring. The unknown is the scariest part, and I can’t seem to move past it.

[charlurk]

i havent seen enough people talk about the fear of being loved - the pain of not feeling worthy of it, not understanding why someone stays by your side when all you see is a nobody in yourself. i hate this because i know so many people wish they had people love them. but i have never felt worthy of it, and still dont. people love me and stick by my side, when im just thinking about the absolute destruction of my own being. when i just wish i could destroy myself.

[BeepieBoop]

Holy crap, this video made me cry. From reminding me of past relationships and even friendships that crumbled after broken promises to finally learning to love myself after giving one too many pieces of myself away, I understand that yes, love is scary. It’s painful, especially the inevitable loss that comes with it, but I wouldn’t want it any other way. We learn from our mistakes, from the hurt we didn’t intentionally mean to give. We do the best we can and sometimes, for people it’s enough. The saying “you must love yourself before you love others” was told to me often, and in a way, it rings true, but not in a way that means you must refrain from loving others until you see yourself in that same devotion and admiration. I see it in a way that means you can give the world and everyone in it all of your love and time and until you realize that you doing that means something, that it’ll always mean something to someone out there, it’ll make you feel empty. Humans were born to hurt, but more importantly, to love, but we often forget that we are deserving of that love. I hope anyone reading this understands that nobody is born into this world to be alone. Someone loves you, and if nobody does right now, someone will in time.

[natepolk]

When I clicked for this video as background noise while I mined stone and collected wood on my MC world, I did not expect to genuinely pause what I'm doing to listen in.

[MultiNaruto]

26:15 "Love is terrifying because it means loving ourselves enough to be loved."

[phaguette]

i think this is one of the most confessional youtube videos i've ever watched.

you captured the absolute catharsis of love, the honeymoon, the newfound feeling of knowing the power you hold by just saying the three words "i love you"

i feel like this. im in a new relationship now, and im feeling lost and cautious, yet this video reminded me the beauty and my short-coming of over-rationalizing love.

thank you.

[sav_]

I always appreciate the vulnerability and thought you put into your videos, got me tearing up my last hour at work lol. I'm a person with an avoidant attachment style, who has yet to love or be loved. So I think you're quite brave.

[samuelngundi]

"Love is terrifying because it means, loving ourselves enough to be loved"

[arson]

I can say this love is the greatest feeling you could ever know but at the same time the longer that feeling lasts the more it will create a pain that can't be dulled once once it's been torn out of you

[Joypanese]

Your videos are so well put together. I hope your channel grows and blows up so more people can see your creative work, keep it up.