our conception of love is messed up.

what is love? how should we love? is proper loving possible in our current culture? i try to talk about these questions in the video. however, please don't take this as an attack on your relationships -- i fail to treat love the way i say we should as well. it's really difficult to be good at love, and so the best we can do is try :)

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* what are the best examples of love that you've come across? *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

TIMESTAMPS:
0:00 intro
1:45 two main questions
3:07 is love passive or active?
8:39 love as an art
14:48 proper love is counterculture
16:14 hyperreal love
19:16 "if he wanted to, he would"
24:08 red flags
25:17 outro

★・・・・・★・・・・・★

socials:
,, instagram: @olisunvia
,, tiktok: @olisunvia (v lame pls don't judge)
,, vsco: @olisunvia
,, spotify: liv sun
,, pinterest: @olisunvia (i'm super creative with usernames)

FOR BUSINESS INQUIRIES:
★・・・・・★・・・・・★

SOURCES:
Baker, Kim. Relationship Red Flags Mini Book (2016).
Baudrillard, Jean. Simulacra and Simulation (1981).
Bell Hooks. All About Love (1999).
Fromm, Erich. The Art of Loving (1956).

MUSIC:
Chopin: Nocturne Op. 9 No. 2
Chopin: Nocturne Op. 37 No. 1 in G minor (Moravec)
Ravel: Pavane pour une Infante defunte
Satie: Je Te Veux

tags: social commentary, internet analysis, video essay, analysis video, consumerism, philosophy, hyppereality, love, lover, loving, capitalism, valentine's day, valentines, breakup, post break-up glow up, relationship advice, romance, romantic scene, romance movie film tv show, social media, tiktok, couple goals, relationship goals, tiktok couples, love yourself, self love, girlfriend, boyfriend, toxic relationships, ex, dealing with breakup, shanspeare, jordan theresa, cj the x, tiffany ferg, alice cappelle, contrapoints, philosophy tube, madisyn brown

This video was sponsored by Wren.

[matthiasannaberger]

"A good relationship shouldnt be 50/50, it should be 60/40 and both parties should want to be the one giving 60." I like this thought.

[littleferrhis]

You know my girlfriend has serious anxiety. She cannot drive, doesn’t have a job, struggles getting outside. I drive 4 hours to see her drive her everywhere, pay for her meals, and many would wonder why I would do that? I have had girls do that kind of thing and I dropped them quickly, but with her it just doesn’t feel that way. It’s really the smile on her face. The love in her eyes. Her jumping into my arms before I leave and when I come back because she is just so happy for me to be there. Her telling me about her great things, her struggles, all of her. It’s the little note she left on my bed that still brings tears to my eyes of her saying “thank you for believing in me, I love you.” Its the thoughtful little gifts she gives. That makes it worth it. Her giving isn’t big, but I know its big for her and that makes it worth it.

[sharkyshark]

As someone who finds herself getting sucked into the unrealistic world of tiktok, this video was a refresher for my brain. I'm glad I came across it and can look back on this when I find myself unintentionally setting unrealistic expectation on my boyfriend just cause tiktok says "if he wanted to he would".

[samantha_hazel_]

"What is love besides two souls trying to heal each other?"
- Pierce The Veil

[Gingy]

Love is not the butterflies you feel in your tummy, It is the decision to stay with that person after the butterflies are gone.

[namegobrrrrr]

"If soulmates do exist,  they're not found, they're made. People meet, they get a good feeling, and then they get to work building a relationship."

[ayishaparveen]

Man, this video really called me a delusional person, because I am very much influenced by social media's take on love. I needed this so much. SO DAMN MUCH. Thanks for the reality check!

[diegobaker]

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it isn’t not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no records of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.

[tomi]

"People watch a 15 seconds clip online and suddenly everyone's got a psychology degree"
You should put that on a golden plate

[gabirmol]

my dad had a saying:

“love is 10% about finding the right partner, 90% about BEING the right partner.”

[barbararodriguez]

"We often mistake love for fireworks, for drama and dysfunction. But real love is very quiet, very still. Love is deep and calm and constant"

-The Silent Patient

[Thestarsage]

I feel like i need to watch this every morning for at least 6 months straight

[autumnmarilyn]

“If he wanted to, he would” is so messed up. Tell your partner what you want. Don’t assume that they already know. Your partner will be receptive to your words and wants and thoughts. If you’re with the right person, they won’t make you feel guilty for telling them what you want.

My fiancé is wonderful. We’ve been together for 2 years as of tomorrow. At the beginning, I figured he would know how to make me feel loved. He did, a little, but our relationship grew so much stronger after I *told him what I wanted from him*. He felt able to do the same with me, and we’re both happier for it. He’s my best friend in the world, I’m in bed next to him right now, and all of this is possible only because we communicated.

[HalfInsaneJane]

My fave quote about being in love. "I love you not only for who you are but for who I am when I am with you"

[SKGrenkow]

When you said “Giving love is not about giving material objects, it’s about giving you as a person. Sharing your thoughts, your humour, your joy and your sadness. That’s what giving love is.”
That whole quote really stuck to me.

[minalol]

I realised that hyperrealism had an impact on me when I was about 14/15. I stopped watching romantic related shows and movies and focused more on real life interactions. I am now 19 and my perception of love is just so much more authentic and I feel relived by not letting imagination dictate my mind.

[undonesolid]

Finally, someone telling me what is love instead of responding with, ”Baby don’t hurt me.”

[TheXrythmicXtongue]

The most important lesson I've ever learned about this subject, put most simply:
LOVE AND ROMANCE ARE NOT SYNONYMOUS.

[TheOnyxiaaa]

It feels like 90% of the problems mentioned in this vid start with "when you see this on tik Tok". Lads, try to stay off social media. And when you're on it, be ready to constantly remind and sometimes even convince yourself that what you see is everyone at their absolute best, and EVERYONE has flaws in their relationship.

[luxluther]

I think of love both passively AND actively. I believe love is out there, I just need to go find it. I know I have to work on MYSELF before I can love anyone else. I know love needs time and effort, but I feel I need to find someone worthy of that time and effort. I’m in no rush.