6 signs YOU might be the problem…

It's easy to point the finger at someone else's behavior, but it often times may be better to turn that finger around and look at what we may be doing that is hurting our relationships. We may look at see repeat unhealthy relationship or friendship patterns in our life, or perhaps we often blame our friends or parents or family for everything wrong in our life. Or we may blame society or other factors in our life. The truth is, there is often two people at fault in conflict or unhealthy relationships (not in all cases, but often times). Or we often may have some fault in things. We may find ourselves a codependent in our relationships or friendship or find that we struggle with codependency in all of our relationships. Or we may find ourself stuck in unhappy situations without making the changes we need to move forward. And then we may see that our friendships or relationships are consistently unhealthy - and when I say relationship I mean our work colleagues or our mother or our father or our siblings, not just romantic partners. We may find that negativity or negative patterns follow us in all of our relationships - so let's dive into the 6 signs that YOU might be the problem in your relationships and friendships.

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[TheAlixour]

Thanks Kati! Your workshop with boundaries has been so helpful.

[alvaroballon]

Hello, it’s me. I’m the problem. It’s me.

[bellegraves]

Takes an enormous amount of courage to admit to yourself that even if they obviously did hurt you, you also were a problem.

[robertdeanwillea]

I've lived it in 2 marriages, but the good thing is I've learned from my mistakes and lived 10 years alone and worked on myself. Now, 6 years in my 3rd marriage, I think I've got it.
Thank you for helping us...

[terenzo]

I remember a line from Justified: "If you meet an asshole in the morning, you've met an asshole. If you meet assholes all day, you're the asshole."

[marymorenomariposa]

i can be toxic too but in my experience the real issue are the people i’ve let into my life

[deathtouchltd]

I think one thing that most people lack is the ability to take accountability for their actions.

Taking accountability for your actions and admitting you were wrong, and understanding why you were wrong is something everyone needs to work on.

[stoffls]

The tricky part is admitting to ourselves that we are "the problem" (usually it is more than one cause) without guilt shaming ourselves. Especially if you have a religious upbringing, where guilt is a major topic, this can create a spiral towards self destructive thoughts. I guess it is important not to be judgemental about ourselves as well as about others.

[ravenonthewindow]

Most of the problematic relationships I formed were before I learned that I had boundary issues. It’s interesting to see how they are dissolving one by one, but thank god for boundaries.

[Baconlazer]

As Autistic'ADHD and possibly BPD due to past trauma, communication and setting boundaries is very difficult and being in a relationship never lasts more than a year.

I used to be shamed for setting boundaries and asking for help ( shamed for crying too )

[alazar]

Literally the problem in every way, in every relationship. I've recently become aware of essentially being a 10yo trapped in a man's body, so now I'm trying to figure out how to establish my first healthy relationship. It's scary to try because it's just so damn embarrassing to admit this to people, but it'll be worth it. Thanks for the info 🙏

[skinnypete]

This was an excellent video. Once I realized I was the problem and stopped focusing on them and just on healing me and working on my toxic traits I was able to start having much healthier calmer relationships with everyone in my life, not just romantic ones. Totally worth calling my own shit out n putting in the work to change

[theologytherapist]

Difficulty with emotions is tough! It can be easy to let that build resentment too, because not knowing how to deal with your emotions can have a lot to do with not knowing how to set healthy boundaries.

[rachelosiria]

#2. I don't always have problems in relationships, but it would appear I have problems with them ending. And it is probably because I didn't set better boundaries in the beginning.

[VanCamelCat]

"You seem to do this more often than I can handle" is one that I really want to manage to implement in my own speech.
I feel it communicates much better, but in the moment the "you always" jumps up out of my mouth and I find myself correcting myself "no, not always that was a bit harsh. But a lot"
And then the bitter taste is taken away a bit, but still leaves a mark.
Better if I can manage to say the phrase I started this comment with.
I'm hoping I'll get there.

[TP-nxuf]

I have BPD and I know I am the problem. I´ve had so much therapy, but at some point relationships just started to get so exhausting I found myself more and more self-reliant. I used to have many toxic friendships in the past where I had no boundaries and people just walked over me or I had these weird delusions where I believed we are closer than we actually were. Many people I believed to be my closest friends slow faded me or didn´t show up when I was going through really dark times. And I know it´s my fault for choosing people who were just not interested in a deeper relationship, or needed someone to use for a constant supply of emotional support. I am 25 and I am just so tired of this cycle that I don´t know how to overcome because I am just delusional about so many things...it´s like trying to cross a busy road when you´re blind and there is no one to help you.

[yrite]

What's funny is a lot of their expert advice is already in the Bible. Like she said she walks away. Proverbs says Before the quarrel burst forth, take your leave

[sadie]

Both my parents apologizing to me for no showing up in the ways I needed and explaining why, really helped my inner child heal.
I'm luck I have empathic parents, they just had me too young and didn't know how they should of been till recently. It's ok, I understand

[carmelafernando]

It's mostly about patterns and accountability.

The first red flag is when people paint most or all of their exes, former friends, or former associates as the villain and they're always the victim.

Some people are sneaky about this, too. At first they say the former partner/friend/colleague is "a good person, BUT..." then paint themselves as the villain who acted on something that the former partner did, that's also a danger sign. They're trying to condition you into thinking. "Oh, you're not so bad" so you'll try to prove that while they get away with misbehavior. And in the end, their actions will be all your fault because they did warn you, even if they were manipulative about it.

Finally, another red flag is when a person constantly advertises how they're a) an empath b)who was often victimized by people around them. That's a guarantee you'll eventually become the victim in their narrative, if you don't enable them.

[lm]

I have a hard time believing people have good intentions. I’ve been cheated on too many times. Now I think no one is true to their word