Why Isn’t Borderline Personality Disorder Treated Like This Illness?

What if we treated borderline personality disorder like any other illness? How would it positively impact both the sufferer of borderline personality disorder & the family of the person suffering? Clinical psychologist & BPD expert Dr. Ramani Durvasula breaks it down in this discussion.

In this interview, Dr Ramani & MedCircle host Kyle Kittleson also discuss...

- How the family views & deals with mental health conditions like dementia vs borderline personality disorder
- How the family can use the same support framework of other types of mental illness when it comes to BPD
- The ideal type of treatment for borderline personality disorder
- How to separate the disorder from the individual—and how that can make supporting that person easier, especially when emotion is involved
- How cooccurring disorders like depression and anxiety may aggravate how someone with borderline personality disorder may handle their thoughts, mood, behavior, and common emotions like anger.
- Why it's okay if supporting someone with BPD doesn't come easily

And more.

[lauren-joyrosenbach]

I'm sobbing. I am a 52 yr old Borderline, this is the first time I have felt any compassion. Thank you

[briangreen]

I have BPD. My wife is so incredible in this area. Im so lucky that she is my rock of support and the love of my life.

[Lexojoso]

What's weird is that my BPD doesn't affect my family a ton--- I don't care if they leave me, but anyone else, I'll freak out. Anyone else feel the same? I was never close with my family and I'm afraid to show emotion in front of them. They never know how I'm doing.

[erins.]

My closest friend has BPD. I know the cycles she goes through that can be difficult for someone to be friends with but knowing that and having a baseline (memory map) I know when it’s my friend or when it’s the BPD talking. This would be an amazing leg up for those with and the family members and friends of whom have BPD.

[catherinelatter]

My daughter and I worked through her BPD together bc she was younger and many Drs. Etc wouldn’t holistically see all her reactions to her environment as it. She also had anxiety and being a teenager, I met her where she was at the moment, and in time learned how to talk and when talking was just adding fuel to the fire so the balance of allowing her to then move through her emotions safely. After we’d be able to come back together and talk lightly about the experience and, like you mentioned she wld feel bad with how she would yell and say mean things to me, I’d let her know that I knew it was how she had to express more the feelings inside than really the words meant and I’d never leave etc.. it was a never ending cycle and balance of also teaching responsible moral compass and the phases of a teenager and that part as well.. a cpl years and she is now very mindful of herself and thoughts. When things trigger her she can use coping skills or comes to me or someone now that she’s comfortable with and can articulate her feelings. She’s more self confident and can stay calm and let’s things roll off to a pretty good extent but doesn’t let ppl walk over her. I am so proud of her strength and how much she’s able to overcome. I’m inspired by her.

[pHataszz]

it is insane how vilified BPD is...do ppl forget it stems from a place of extreme feeling and vulnerability...and not harm, what is unfortunate is regardless of how harmless the individuals intentions it does indeed result in harm bc of how exhausting/difficult it can become to constantly isolate yourself from the internal experience (subjective reality) of someone you know is ill bc what they say and think still matters so much to us despite knowing their view is bended...its the extreme empathy involved between all parties in the situation that results in so much pain...constantly staying worlds apart

[elenaspano]

So glad we get another video about BPD! I love how she talks about it. It’s so fascinating.

[chelosky]

It's exhausting. Blow outs, rage, verbal abusive. The walking on eggshells. Watching what I say and how I say it. Keeping low tone of voice. It's wearing me out. 31 years of it. I am tired.

[Mtz]

I have BPD, 2 depressive disorders, PMDD and some CPTSD.

This video gave me hope. I'm not portrayed like the monster people imagines when they hear "borderline personality".
Met my hubby at his 17½s and my 16s. Became best friends, couldn't hold it for too long because I fell in love with him. We were both in love with each other and everybody knew but us. I spelled the beans fearing he might just run away (like it happened before to me) and I would loose my best friend. He confessed feeling the same. He was so shy, he couldn't tell me before. So we've been highschool sweethearts and got to prom together and all the cheesey stuff. 8 years dating and I was only diagnosed with PMDD and barely had contraceptives and prozac to helped me, no therapy. We got married and in our second year, I got hospitalized because I was incredibly suicidal. All planned and about to buy all I needed to make my death less traumatic for my loved ones. It was an act of desperate love towards my husband, my closest family and friends, so they didn't have to carry me like the burden I felt (still feeling a little bit but working on it in therapy).
Got diagnosed with 2 types of depressive disorders, BPD and my old friend PMDD. Another year, another month in psych ward. This time to prevent my compulsive self harm. Has been our first year without hospital time. My husband was sent by God, because I don't understand what I did to win such a partner in life. My fella in life, in videogames, in boardgames, a team in household, the father of our furry babies, my hero when I'm broken, my lover, best friend, partner in parties and crime, in highs and lows.

[gc]

I love this woman she knows so much about the illness and been watching her for a few years to understand myself more, I’ve been doing DBT and it’s helped a lot I’d recommend it for anyone with the illness

[danecory]

This is why I’ve been able to stay in a relationship. We are getting married in two weeks and have been together for 5 years. My wife sees my BPD as separate from me and not who I am, but something I deal with. She has compassion for me. I give her all the credit.

[Betternow]

I wish I could talk to Dr. Ramani about Borderline.

[Nuetral]

I think the hardest part about educating people on BPD is that most people will look at it as manipulative, abusive, or exclusive rather than expositional UNLESS it's explained to them by a therapist. Unfortunately there are many more therapists out there that are bad at understanding, therefore explaining, therefore ultimately handling as well as teaching other people how to handle BPD than there are knowledgeable skilled therapists on the subject. Not to mention that most people are outcome based, meaning that they base the value or worth of something based on how it works out, and because of this "therapy" tends to be associated with feelings of hopelessness and thus most people put their faith in medication (but this rarely helps much with BPD). We have to remember that most people are dysfunctional, trying to approach people in healthy ways about healthy things (even healthcare) will often go badly (as it was so brilliantly stated in a different video "...because then you might find out that you do have some poor personality traits and that you have to deal with those things in order to be the kind of person you want to see yourself as.").

Ultimately BPD is just really really REALLY messy... And we just need to do better at handling it all the way around (as a society, as healthcare workers, as individuals with BPD... we need better diagnosing, better healthcare professionals, better therapy than we have now). We can all do a lot better if we just put down our books, put on our thinking caps, listen actively, forget about the far too popular blame game... lead by example by being considerate and faithful ( faithful in the context meaning; believing that the best of intentions are at play leaving the best of outcomes ultimately attainable for all present parties).

[sandydunn]

This is a great conversation about BPD but for me, my family and friends do not understand. I’m in therapy and therapy alone. I still feel alone and isolated and misunderstood.

[ryandeweese]

35 years old, married for 12 years with 5 awesome kids all to the same wonderful wife, and untreated and or diagnosed bpd has been tearing us apart for quite some time... I tried counseling for anger issues and coping skills, ditched a 20yr. Cannabis habbit, as the anxiety from the thc and the already racing unprocessed thoughts didn't mix very well, it did sometimes calm some of the over bearing feelings, but Didnt help in the long run... been almost 3 months with no desire to go back, anyway, its really taking a toll on our Marriage, and has my wife heading for the door. We love each other very much but this monster, and screwed up thinking is almost unbearable, for both she and I, and our kids too, but they rarely get me "upset". We've had two or three severe separations well at least for me ( Never physical but can be quite harsh verbally) in the last year or so, where it was best for her and the kids to go to her parents... It needed to happen but really put me in a bad spot emotionally, being separated from the ones I love and need the most. Anyway, I screwed up again the other day by saying something I shouldn't have, and she and the kids are back at her moms, this cycle of untreatment or diagnosis has to stop, I have had bpd characteristics ever since childhood, and need to get into some kinda program were I can be with my family but still be learning practical solutions, or diffrent coping skills or something... I cant, this marriage, or family cant keep going on like this, we need help, I need help!! I just don't know where to look as im not even diagnosed yet, not that I want to be but, if it helps me to process things in a more productive way, be a better husband, and father to my kids, sign me up... Im not afraid of putting in hard work for the things I love, but my wife has really been drawn thin... Sorry for the text bomb, just reaching out here as Med Circle videos really helped me to go back and identify what I was actually facing as a child, young adult and even more recent messes I've created...
Any help or suggestions would be greatly appriciated!! Thank you for taking the time and putting these videos out!! I do believe they shed quite abit of light on what ive, we've been going through for a long while!! Thank you

[dhiahassen]

3:16 me with BPD after hearing an understanding person like that : "can we hug for 3 billion years?"

[nuria]

Thank you, thank you for this compassionate video. I have been diagnosed with BPD, but rarely act out. Despite this, my partner found some stuff online which made him highly suspicious of me. He thought that I couldn't be trusted for a good few days. After watching this video together he literally changed 180 degrees. We can now talk about BPD apart from my persona and that really, really helps in finding the balance for him and me. He now understands that me being very sensitive is not there to make him feel bad, but that I just feel insecure very fast. We are both working on getting better and this has given us so much more tools than most of the harmful b*shit that is out there. Thank you so so much, please share more humanizing videos on BPD for people who want to actually work on it and move passed it. I would love to see some videos for BPD sufferers too!

[nikhileshdorbi]

This makes me want to cry, I hate that I can't. It feels like isolating and going away from everyone is the only solution sometimes.

[lulumo]

This is so important. I only recently discovered my BPD and had my symptoms developed more severely so my mom is still just trying her best to be supportive but even she has said "Well you can try not to me rude to me, I'm your mom not other people" so that comparison to dementia really makes this clear

[stevencarr]

I was diagnosed with bpd when I was 21 year's old I'm now 41 and every day is an ongoing struggle for me