Detaching From Emotionally Immature People with Dr. Lindsay Gibson

Welcome back to Therapy Chat! This week, in an interview that is timely as we're in the thick of the holiday season, I interviewed Dr. Lindsay Gibson for the second time. This time we're discussing the challenge of disentangling from emotionally immature people.

In our conversation, you'll hear Lindsay describe the characteristics of Emotionally Immature People, how it feels to be in a relationship with them, and how to assert ourselves within those relationships. She discusses her newest book, "Disentangling From Emotionally Immature People: Avoid Emotional Traps, stand up for Yourself, and Transform Your Relationships as an adult child of Emotionally Immature Parents".

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❤️ Laura Reagan, LCSW-C. Owner of Baltimore Annapolis Center for Integrative Healing, and founder of Trauma Therapist Network. I host Therapy Chat and Trauma Chat Podcasts and offer trauma psychotherapy, clinical supervision, consulting, coaching, and training.

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[Autisticheather]

OH. MY. GOD!!!! this IS my MOTHER!!! this made me feel so validated in my perception of her. They are also VERY skilled manipulators and gaslighters!
I am just learning myself at age 53 to separate from her vastly innacurate perception of me, and find out who i really am outside of her definition of me. And she has ABSOLUTELY ZERO interest in anything important i have to say, but expects me to listen endlessly to her meaningless chatter. Constantly bringing the conversation back to her. Makes up her memories of things, completely defensive and unable to ever admit wrongdoing or apologizing... at the very most saying she's a terrible person ecetera! Thank you for showing my i am not in the twilight zone

[ataxie]

"If a person wants to understand what you are saying, it really does not matter how you say it. If a person does not want to understand what you are saying, it also does not matter how you say it." WoW! Thank you!

[lindan]

“They override what you say. They disregard what you say.” Spot on.

[AngelaAngelicaWarren]

Emotional Immaturity when there is no self reflection to the degree that the behavior is not changed is a form of narcissism.

[suzannecrone]

To say that this resonated with me is an understatement. THIS RESONATED, RESONATED, RESONATED!

[thetranspersonalalchemist]

As someone who grew up in an extraordinarily toxic, narcissistic environment, I’ve done so much work to reprogram my behavior and nervous system and become more mature. I still attract emotionally immature people because deep down that feels normal, even though I can’t tolerate it, and I struggle every day to continue to find and remove the remaining toxic responses and triggers within me. It’s. A. Lot. I hope I can one day experience the benefits of it and be in a healthy intimate relationship.

[RonaJess]

Omg now my husband makes sense. We've been together for 24 years and I've been exasperated the whole time. 15 years ago I insisted on going to marriage guidance. I said there is no communication, he has nothing to say. When she asked my husband, he said " I've said all I have to say to her in the first 3 months that I met her"😮! The woman was astounded. Our homework was to talk for 15 minutes a day, he couldn't do it 🙈. I should've walked away that day, but I've kept trying to fix it 😭. My soul yearns for a deep connection 😞, I've wasted 24 years of my life 😞

[LiftingUrVeil-LUV]

I’m 42 and my entire life I was made to believe something was wrong with me, and that I was a narcissist. All this came from my toxic mother. I would always wonder why my family saw me as this evil selfish person yet strangers would tell me that I had this light in me and others said this as well but my family only saw the worst.then I had a near death experience which I actually died and when I woke up from a coma on life support I felt entirely different. I had started a spiritual awakening.and with therapy I begun learning the truth about my life. I finally went no contact

[punnypuns]

What I hate the most is when they ask you a question and interrupt to hone in something trivial to correct you, dominate the convo, talk about themselves and don’t even notice what they are doing. It’s so exhausting. You asked me a question and I’m answering so don’t ask if you are more interested in hearing your own voice.

[wallymarcel]

That’s ALL they do is announce, and call it conversation. I realized that’s exactly how a four-year old talks.

[Dawn-tvbk]

“When they ignore your boundaries it’s not a call for you to go passive and give up on yourself. It’s a call to get specific and definite and repetitive with them which are all active coping mechanisms. Don’t give up. Keep at it in a non reactive way.”Let your no be no and your yes be yes.

[thepragmatist]

What's interesting is that some very high achieving people can be emotionally immature. This becomes extremely problematic when they are your supervisor or somehow have some control over a part of your life and you can't disentangle yourself from them. The hard part is when you can't just walk away.

[ElleY-kspl]

I did a lot of therapy and self work since my early 20s. I’m now middle aged and am continuing this work. It has been a lonely journey. There aren’t many mature people out there, especially male partners. I wish emotional regulation and maturity were taught in schools as part of the curriculum. Imagine the difference that would make in our society.

[maggiemay]

It’s the constant denial that they’re doing anything wrong, if you try to tell them in a non threatening way. It’s always, ‘no I’m not’ .

[elizabethash]

Absolutely true. The person who seeks connection is left to suffer in silence. Its taken for granted they can handle it because of their maturity and they feel no one has their back.Seeking authentic, emotionally, mature people is healthy and the best way to go.

[christyannceraso]

Emotional immaturity is the root of narcissism. It’s a matter of degree.

[ayliea]

Then, one day, you slump into the sad realization that you don't really have a partner, never did have one, and never will. I am working on picking up myself and finding a direction to move forward to. It was very conforming to me to hear that these EI people are not difficult 100% of the time. Sometimes, they're actually quite pleasant. He's socially and professionally very successful. Hearing the information in this video helps me to forgive myself for staying stuck in an emotionally abusive relationship.

[TP-jtcm]

If communication is generally frustrating, if you don’t feel understood or unable to establish some upper level of closeness, don’t second guess your self by trying, trying and trying.

[mindovermatter]

I was going through a rough time in my life, and one my (ex) friends called me and told me that she was upset and needed my humor to make her laugh. It was a really bad time in my life, so I told her I just didn't have it in me to make anyone laugh right now. She cursed me out!!! She started screaming curse words and degrading comments at me!! I never communicated with her again, and that moment was one of my first eye opening experiences of setting boundaries. I was never taught to set boundaries, because my family wanted to manipulate and control me, so they didn't want me to learn to set boundaries. Abuse is such a vicious cycle. Emotionally immature people seem to be emotionally and verbally abusive.

[duromusabc]

Emotionally immature people lack emotional empathy and compassionate empathy (both are deep intimate imaginative empathy that requires “touchy feely” heart connections and self reflection “to go inside” ) BUT they have lots of cognitive empathy (a superficial intellectual empathy that is manipulative for control, dominance, superiority, power, and arrogant selfishness)

That’s why the interactions they have with people is transactional and functional for the benefit of the emotionally immature person aka the narcissist