5 Ways to Spot Emotional Immaturity

Emotional immaturity is hugely hard to spot - often lurking in people who, from the outside, look more or less their age. This is an indispensable guide to identifying the worst kinds of emotional immaturity, understanding where these come from and how we might handle them.
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FURTHER READING

“The best thing about physical maturity is that it’s very easy to spot; we can so easily tell when someone has another decade of growth to go – and can therefore set our expectations, and our levels of forbearance accordingly. But we have no such luxury when it comes to emotional maturity. Here we can be constantly surprised by whom we have on our hands. The most stunning forms of immaturity can coexist with all the trappings of adult life and a confident and knowledgeable manner. It may be a long time into a love affair or working relationship before we realise that we are unwittingly dealing with an emotional neophyte…”

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CREDITS

Produced in collaboration with:
Seed Sustainable Design

Title animation produced in collaboration with

Vale Productions

[ebbyc]

I would say a sign of emotional maturity is being able to watch this video and not feel personally attacked by it.

[shivering_sky]

I'm not emotionally immature. You're the one who's emotionally immature.

[z.deutch]

I dated a manchild for 3 years, this is how to spot one:

• Rarely self reflects
• Likes to blames everyone else for their problems
• Gets angry easily - has trouble handling their emotions or reactions
• Throws tantrums instead of communicating like an adult because they're unable or unwilling to resolve conflict in a mature manner
• Shows impulsive behaviour

[SS-bymm]

“I don’t remember much of my childhood” doesn’t have to be a sign of immaturity or ignorance but could also be due to trauma, C-PTSD, or dissociation. Some people cannot remember their past even though they try and want to.

[ossen]

Immaturity can be compared to lack of empathy as well.
You are so detached from emotional intelligence that you don't care about others and lack responsibility.

[hasukim]

For everyone here you are checking on these signs in yourself is a sign you're not immature but trying to grow! Let's be kind and patient with ourselves. We are all growing!

[herstory]

1. Cannot spend time reflecting on themselves
2. Haven't processed their childhood
3. Haven't thought about important issues in their life
4. Things don't make them angry/sad, due to lack of thinking about it
5. Aren't ready to have deep conversations about psychology

[storagefigure]

The perks of being alone, you have so much time to evaluate yourself. When you are with group of people, you become focused on them, their attitude, their personality, everything that is wrong with them.

[andy-social]

One of the main telltale signs that someone lacks emotional maturity, I believe, is when they refuse to admit and accept fault of any kind. If there’s a disagreement or a point of contention, especially one that requires both parties to understand and acknowledge the other’s position, this person simply can never be in the wrong and can become furious over the idea that he or she may need to make a compromise. I also feel that relationships in which both people refuse to swallow their pride - whether it’s a big problem or a trivial matter - are built on emotional immaturity and invariably lead to constant battles for truth owning. But, for me personally, I gauge people’s emotional maturity on how gentle they can be with others (gentle in the sense that they strive to be non-judgmental, open-minded and free of harmful preconceptions of situations and others).

[sundarihema]

I think if people are emotionally immature, it's important to be compassionate. Because most of the time, they have confused emotions and can't process them. Please don't isolate them unless they're unwilling to listen and change.

[Takrit.]

The bit about "I've never really thought about it before" is not (imo) itself a bad thing. If the person proceeds to think about it and comes up with a rounded perspective after considering multiple points of view on a subject, they are growing. Having the ability to claim "I don't know" or "I haven't thought about it" is a trait of people who are willing to grow and accept that they don't know everything. A red flag would be having an answer to everything or having an opinion on everything. If, however, they say "I haven't really thought about it" and leave it at that, without trying to improve themselves and form an opinion, then yes, they are emotionally immature. No one knows everything, not everything has been thought by everyone. That is fine.

[ItWillRainXO]

Another sign of emotional immaturity is a grown adult who throws “tantrums” and thrashes around like a child instead of constructive conflict resolution..we all know one

[marktuason]

1. "I'm not so good at spending time on my own." (Insecurity)
2. "I don't really remember much about my childhood." (Ignorance)
3. "I've never really thought about that before." (Closemindedness)
4. "Everything is pretty good, all is fine. It's fine." (Irrational optimism)
5. "That's just a load of old psychobabble." (Denial)

[SnowKat-mnqh]

The School of Life: we advise that you try to keep your distance from emotionally immature people
me: okay next up, how do i stay away from myself

[timdude]

"Everything is good. It's fine" that can also work the other way around where a person always is complaining about what happened that day or in their life. Those people can also be draining to be around

[gazellepop]

Next: How to spot emotionally immature parents

[Krasbin]

"I have never thought about that" could also be mature response to a new, original, deep, idea or insight.

EDIT: I agree with most comments below, my comment should be considered as an addition to the statements in the video.

[jonnnnniej]

My ex said "I rather make small talk with a stranger then have a deep conversation with a good friend" big red flag for me. I'll remember this video, cause I'm so ready for an emotional mature relationship!

[PoipoiFR]

"Check on them in a decade or two." Basically what I keep telling myself when moving between stages of my life, only to forget about these people within a couple years. It's probably for the best anyways.

[annabellerose]

Not remembering your childhood can also be a prevalent side effect of childhood trauma