Emotionally Immature Parents (EIP)

[svenskanorsk]

This was my mom. I don’t know how many times I heard the phrase “you treat me like dirt!” I was a little kid. That stays with you.

[DJ-zdgj]

Most parents are extremely arrogant and entitled, and will NEVER admit their wrongs, this way.

[marcusn.]

“Why doesn’t my daughter talk to me anymore?”

[nft]

Whenever I tried to communicate how my Dad’s behavior made me feel bad or scared to him, he took it personally like I was criticizing him in a malevolent way and said, “Ohhh, I must be a bad Dad, then huh? I must be a bad Dad.” My heart goes out to all who have had to suffer through narcissistic abuse from one or both parents.

[souljourney]

BINGO - this is my Mom 100% - she also has a masters degree in counseling which made matters worse, because she threw the weight of being a "so called" psychological expert in our faces as children and it continued as adults. It affected all of us children, and she did it to my Dad as well. Who were we to question an expert? Not until I started trauma therapy did I realize how emotionally immature my Mother was due to her own childhood trauma. Even though I have healed, my Mom is 84 and still emotionally immature. She would not listen to my healing process, and turned the tables on me every time I tried to discuss something about my childhood so I quit talking about it. I was hoping by sharing my healing process with her, she might want to try to do some healing herself. Sadly she is too set in her ways. Thank you for the work you do - your posts over the years, and your book pushed me further in my healing than i ever thought possible. I set myself free in the process. I am currently waiting for your workbook to be released next month - my sister and I are both going to do it. and call each other each week to go over the work we have done - so I look forward to more healing.

[gothica]

Thats exactly what my narcissistic mother said, WORD FOR WORD. I also noticed how her abuse got worse as i aged. I always had to deal with her rubbing everything shd ever did for me in my face. She legitimately claimed to do everything when she treated me as her slave. Id clean the whole house, cook dinner, wash the dishes and mow the lawn. Yet she would explode over having to clean the dining table once a week. It was like she took credit for my work and then called me lazy. The self projecting was uncanny.

[Ana-rbws]

Please do more skits like this. It’s so much easier to understand the dynamics this way rather than by reading or listening to a list of traits.

[Fractal-of-Venus]

Don't let the cycle repeat itself. We often pass on (unconsciously) what our parents passed onto us. The book parenting without power struggles has really helped me to be the best version of myself for my daughter and not just her, but for myself and people in general.

[phoenixkali]

I started thriving when I stopped listening to my mums(often unsolicited)advice. After a few years I stopped listening to other people’s unsolicited advice and I’m living my best life!😁

[jnnfrcyy____]

This is exactly how my birth mother has reacted ever since I was born. She would blame everything on me and my siblings and would NEVER admit her mistakes. She LOVES to compare us with other people’s children and nitpick on us for our shortcomings. I am 25 now, and even today, I hesitate to ask her some basic questions because I am afraid of her lashing out. I had a terrible argument with her last night, and we almost threw things at each other. The feelings of disappointment, frustration, and anger from these 25 years came out all at once. She never even said sorry for what she had done to me and my siblings throughout these years, and from then on, I have decided to cut my ties with her.

[thelordcomanderwhocriedwolf]

This exactly discribes my birthmother. Except for the "tiger-mom-thing", which was actually reversed because I am a woman. So while I was being denied a proper education, having a teenage life, my brother however was being pushed repeatedly throughout middleschool by her, setting ridiculous standards and being harsh on him and at the same time he was allowed to have friendships and relationships and going places. How she "helped" him with his homework, she simply told me off or ordered my brother to tutor me. One time she forced him to do an assignment on the computer that I had to do and I asked several times to make it. I had little to no acces to a computer and I was prohibited to go outside alone untill age 18 because my parents feared I would run away and ask for help. I am a Dutch native! By the time it was due and I still being refused to do my own assignment she ordered my brother to do it and forced me to watch. She also manipulated the school and healthcaresystem because she did not wanted me to graduate on the highest level I could and she also did not wanted me to work because I am female. My brother however had acces to almost everything and was allowed to study and to work and to go out with friends. Still my brother resented me for a lot of things we never discussed. He seemingly lived a free life, but I only can guess the severe sacrifices he had to make to "earn his freedom". He believed every lie our mother told him and he eventually broke off contact with me about six years ago. Can't say I blame him. I went no-contact with her and my birthfather about four years ago. No regrets. I still try to cope, grieve, and make up for all the lost years. I have no idea how to make a fresh start as a normal human being. Because after a lot of research and finding evidence, I found out that I am, besides being traumatised for +20/+25 years, a normal human being that is capable.❤️‍🩹

[PaperParade]

I found out as an adult that this was the mother my own mom grew up with because she is still 100% this way. My mom was like this when I growing up but by the grace of God finally changed when I reached early adulthood and I got a sincere apology from her. She and my brother still have a lot to work out, but to this day I’m actually amazed at how much her apology has helped us heal our own relationship. She stopped being defensive and just said, “you’re right”. Powerful.

[sploomfussy]

this, except its almost as if my parents set me up for failure.
I lived an incredibly isolated childhood, I never really allowed to go outside, and if i was, it was never alone. The school system failed me as well and it resulted in me being home more often than not because I couldn't keep up. My father wasn't really there for me emotionaly, and i had 'infinite freedom' inside the house when it came to how long i could game and watch tv for, which my father especially still holds above my head because ''at least we weren't as strict as your friend's parents!" . My mom is deeply traumatised and has always relied on me to make her feel better, but i never could. It's weird, because if I was even the slightest bit sick she would get me help. And at the same time, she preaches every second that she is in pain too, and that im not the only one who suffers whenever I mention how i feel. It's so conflicting.

I've given up on the relationship w my father for my own sake; he's told me lately that he just thinks im a psycho bitch etc etc, so it's not worth putting energy in. At least my mother has been more aware and wants to fix things. Even wants to do systemic family therapy with me. However she still stands by the idea that I just need to let go of things and keeps trying to move me on and going '"Yes I did this, but you did ____'' as if our hurt is the same.

I really can't wait to be free.

[ithseem]

This one-minute skit gave me more validation than my own parents throughout my short life (I'm 21)

[dianatradex]

My mom was kinda like this, but luckily I've always been authentic enough not to need her approval. So we would argue alot because she was pushing me too much and I just didn't care, I did my own thing. Some things I did just to avoid "the penalty" that was her drama and disappointment with my grades etc.
But in the end I just wanted to make myself proud, my inner child that is

[TinySkySky]

Holy crap this is my dad. I learned at 18 that I will never receive approval from him and had many breakdowns. I have finally accepted it at 23. I am now married and plan on giving love and approval for my children especially bc I never had that from my dad growing up.

[theeclecticlifewithsam]

Wow. Spot on! Please do more content about emotionally immature parents. This is an area I'm learning more about in my own life. Everything makes sense now...

[ladyeloiseherbert]

Damn!! This is how I’ve been feeling my entire life. First as the kid, now as the parent. WOW!! This gives me perspective and I see I have work to do. Thanks for sharing 🙏🏾

[Sarah_H]

I'm called "argumentative" whenever I try to explain my view of things and whenever I go against my mom's solutions. And that bit about "getting no help around the house"; our house is, and always has been, a hoarding situation because mom is a hoarder, and whenever I would clear a space it would immediately get filled in again, so at some point I just stopped trying. Cue "you never lift a finger around here!" while she herself NEVER DOES ANYTHING TO LESSEN THE HOARDING SITUATION

[latisha]

I had this exact conversation with my mom yesterday. It’s like it’s impossible for her to understand someone else’s feelings and POV.