How to say NO!

Do you have hard time saying no? It can be very hard to say no because you don't want to upset people. We don't want people to feel bad, or make people think we're rude. With us being social creatures, we are driven to preserve our relationships and so it can be difficult to let people down even if it is the right thing for you.

In our weekly Twitter poll, we asked people whether this statement was true or false for them: “I have a hard time saying no.” As someone who struggles with saying no myself, I decided to go in the research lab and learn how to say no without being awkward or damaging relationships.

In this video I want to share several hacks that will save your relationships.

Want more details on how to say no without being awkward?
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Hi, I’m Vanessa!
You deserve more. More influence, more income, more of what you want. I would be honored to help you.

My name is Vanessa Van Edwards and I’m a recovering awkward person. I’m also a multi-time bestselling author of:
My goal is simple: Help YOU get to your goals faster. Never be overlooked, interrupted or forgotten again.

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Vanessa Van Edwards is a national bestselling author and founder at Science of People. She is also a recovering awkward person.
She is the bestselling author of Captivate: The Science of Succeeding with People which has been translated into 15 different languages. Vanessa’s unique approach has been featured on CNN, BBC, CBS, Fast Company, Inc., Entrepreneur Magazine, USA Today, Today Show and many more.

Vanessa shares tangible skills to improve interpersonal communication and leadership, including her insights on how people work. She’s developed a science-based framework for understanding personalities, decoding body language and improving people skills to help people communicate professionally, socially and romantically.

Vanessa works with entrepreneurs, growing businesses, and trillion dollar companies; and has spoken to thousands of audiences at TEDx London, MIT and CES to name a few.

Science of People looks at the hidden forces that drive our behavior. It’s mission is to help people achieve their goals faster and understand what makes people tick.

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[ScienceOfPeople]

Find out more in our full article on this topic:

[verabrown]

Very good tips. Thank you. I especially love the permission to not give an explanation. I usually think that it's not polite not to offer one, but to have that freedom to say no without justification is liberating.

[anthrogirl]

Awesome video!!! I’m totally a people pleaser and I have some family members who will continue to make you feel guilty even after you offer a rain check for an outing. It’s so exhausting walking on eggshells because it’s family and I don’t want to start family drama.

[rubenanaya]

Hi Vanessa, I am so grateful for your videos. Makes perfect sense when you articulated this advice so seamlessly. I always get roped into getting a beer with co-workers and I am having to miss working out because I do not want them to feel bad or I do not want to sound like I am not a team player. I will keep in mind your great suggestions next time someone asks me to get a beer with them at the last minute.

[neridashae]

This is the best! So glad I found you Vanessa Van Edwards. Much love. xx

[scarletpeoni]

If you say no with no explaination be prepared for people to become aggressive or ask why.

[coreywright]

Thank you, your tips and info are invaluable resources ! I believe that my confidence in personally interactions is growing ! I think your work is very good and inspiring. It is always a delight to learn from your videos . thanks again for sharing !

[WilliamBrothers]

This is important to do at work, too. Sometimes we get caught up doing favors at work or accepting too much our bosses ask of us. They start to look at you as a miracle worker, but it can be incredibly stressful. I'm learning to say no.

[VinnyLePes]

Great points in this video! I just discovered you in my related videos because I also recently posted a video on this topic. Sorry if that seems like spam to mention that, but honestly I think it could help people in the comments here. I dig into some followup questions like what to do if they keep pressing you and what to do if they don't have boundaries at all. I'm new to YouTube and my videos are a bit long-winded but I do want to help people who are facing the challenges I have faced at different times in my life.

Anyway, I'll be checking out more videos of yours now and wish you the best! Glad to see someone doing well on here trying to help others navigate the more delicate parts of life :).

[tuneshaedmondson]

Thank you very much for this lesson I'm tired being a people-pleaser

[kelvinmaina]

Awesome and to point I like it and it helped me so much,

[ExactlyMyPoint]

Well, I can't give you a like, but I can tell all my friends to buy your book.

(Am I a quick learner or what?)

[eatmyshorts]

Hi Vanessa! I really love your work and find it fascinating. I'm so grateful to have found your book in the bookstore and getting introduced to your lab.
How do you say no in a work setting without sounding uncooperative? I've recently been asked to do work outside the scope of my work and the corresponding department does not want to support because they do have the knowledge nor the desire to learn. It's tricky, I want to help and I want them to take ownership/responsibility. Please help.

[eszterdeaksomogyi]

I just needed these ideas! 😊🙏 thank You, Vanessa. I love your work and personality. Just searching about how and where to get your book. I also would like to ask you, how to get in touch with the science of people team? thank you forward. Wish you all the best!

[jennypenny]

I have trouble saying no to the magazine sellers on my door step. I do eventually say no, but not until I've had to hear their long pain scheme. My polite manner won't let me just shut the door on their faces. 😬 Ugh!

[allnighter]

this specially needs to be applied at work...people want attention (even toxic people).

[consumablecorner]

I have more of a problem with my tendency to train people who bring me their problems. I can say no, but it isn't always easy.

[ClassicCartoonsNL]

Thank you! SOmetimes I say Yes like an automatism and afterwards I ask myself why did I say Yes in the beginning.

[MajorasMaskMailman]

I think explanations can be useful, albeit in a different context. People like explanations, even if they don't make sense. In one study, people were allowed to cut in line for a copier more often when they said, "Can I cut in line? I need to make some copies, " versus when they just said, "Can I cut in line?" Obviously everyone was trying to make copies, so the first group shouldn't have been allowed to cut more.

[Parisian_beauty]

when I say no without an explanation, they always ask me why? I have yet to have someone respect my no and leave it at that.