'How can I stop hating myself?' ep.182

Licensed therapist Kati Morton addresses our issues with self-hate, shame, and why we can believe we are unlovable. She walks listeners through the ways we can overcome those beliefs and heal from it. She then explains more about dissociation and freeze states. She dives into what causes them, how our nervous system decides what to do, and what techniques she uses to ground her patients when they are dissociating. Kati also talks about regressing when triggered and why that happens. This and so much more in this week’s episode of Ask Kati Anything, your mental health podcast.

Ask Kati Anything, your mental health podcast episode 182

If you want to support the podcast please check out my affiliate links in the description. If you shop on Amazon, or Instacart please use my links! Also, BetterHelp offers 10% off your first month when you use my promo code KATI when signing up. Okay, let’s get into today’s questions.

1. Hi Kati, looking for some additional tips to overcome self hate…I have been in counseling for almost 2 months now with anxiety and depression from childhood trauma and neglect. As more and more issues from that start to surface... 0:49

2. Is it possible to have full on discussions while dissociating? Sometimes during therapy or other overwhelming situations, I can't remember what was said. Is this dissociation or something else? 15:52

3. Could you possibly talk a little bit about age regression, why we may want to and if it can be a healthy coping mechanism? I feel for much of my life I’ve felt this urge, mostly used to self-soothe, but understand that it would be socially unacceptable... 23:24

4. I know you have talked extensively about dissociation on here, but what exactly is the difference between dissociation and freezing? Is one harder to manage? Do you intervene differently as a therapist? 31:10

5. I wonder if you could talk about how to handle negative thoughts that come up while journaling. So often my journal entries end up filled with anger, frustration, and despair. I hate what comes out and I feel ashamed of writing it. 40:52

6. Here’s my question: can flashbacks and dealing with trauma cause regression? Scenario: I’ve been battling a really intense CSA flashback lately. I’ve not had one this persistent or reactive in awhile. I often come out of these flashbacks in a different room... 47:52

7. I've always kind of had trouble focusing or keeping my attention on things that I don't really find interesting but lately I feel like it's escalated to a whole new level. I'm diagnosed with depression and anxiety so I know that can be a symptom but I'm finding it really hard to focus on anything, even just scrolling through TikTok... 53:28

8. What do you do with clients that don't meet the full criteria for any particular diagnosis but have some common symptoms? My therapist says he... 57:54

9. I lost my safe person and safe space when I stopped seeing my therapist in May. Even though she made my mental health a lot worse I felt a deep bond with her and I opened up completely to her. Now that I've stopped seeing her I feel so incredibly lost.... 1:00:54

Timestamps! created by @Lemonady

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[kristenp]

I'm tired of having to overcome things.

[LittleHobbit]

I once saw a quote online that said "The anger is the part of you that loves you" and I've never been able to forget it. Anger because you know you deserve to be treated better, anger because you've been unfairly hurt. When you talk about anger being a secondary emotion, it makes me think of that.

[joeminella]

Emotional neglect PLUS extensive religious indoctrination ("you are bad") really messed me up. Thanks for the tips, Kati.

[dgvfsa]

For 60 years I was told by my mother and 3 sisters that I was mentally ill and the root of all family problems. It took 6 years of NO Contact and a whole lot of work (including at least 100 youtube videos) but now I KNOW it was not, and never has been me. THEY are, at their very core, severely dysfunctional.

[RockSolidKaraoke]

When I'm by myself I don't hate myself. When other people try to evaluate my worth as a human being I start becoming frustrated why people only look for the negatives and ignore the positives. I mostly keep to myself due to others undervaluing me.

[Lemonady]

Timestamps!

Q1 - 0:49
Q2 - 15:52
Q3 - 23:24
Q4 - 31:10
Q5 - 40:52
Q6 - 47:52
Q7 - 53:28
Q8 - 57:54
Q9 - 1:00:54

[grmpEqweer]

"Something must be wrong with me." Oof. I really, REALLY feel that.

[dizzytel]

I'm so scared of angry people because of my upbringing. I don't know how to handle it.

[tomskih]

I feel like I swing between anxious and avoidant attachment styles.

[rainbeau]

money. if you don't have it your mental health is SOL. Kate thank you for your videos and channel. You are more helpful than any therapy I've had so far.

[Gwenx]

I didn't know about the disassociation thing while "functioning" i have tried telling my doctors and nurses about these things but they don't even know what disassociation is..
I often struggle to remember my days or the whole week, i only remember some highlights and i know i "slip away" often. Sometimes my partner will ask me if I'm okay and ill snap back to my body and feel like i was gone for hours, just working on autopilot the entire time. It could explain a lot for me..

[angko-pe]

I asked question #9 and I've been diagnosed with cptsd. I will look into dbt. Thanks for answering my question ❤

[ZAB_Nailz]

A little pushback on your response to question 8. My fiancé attempted to get therapy at two community mental health centers due to some serious life stressors that were causing a lot of distress. Both places did a DA and told him 1) he’s too well adjusted, doesn’t have serious enough symptoms, able to cope well enough, etc. to need therapy 🙄 2) he didn’t meet the criteria for a diagnosis (so they couldn’t bill insurance, Medicaid). They could have at least given him a diagnosis of Adjustment Disorder, imo. Being on Medicaid means that not a lot of therapists will take your insurance. Don’t you need a diagnosis for them to bill insurance? Either way, my pushback is that although therapy should be accessible and affordable, it’s just not.

[EmJay]

Thank you for answering!!
Update: I brought up the sensation of feeling like I was going to faint during my flashbacks with my therapist last week. She explained what happens physiologically with freezing/dissociation, so I’ve started monitoring those things. I wasn’t cognitively aware in the moment to check my heart rate/blood pressure during the flashback, but about 10 min after my BP was 90/58 mmHG and my HR was in the 40-50s. I don’t know if this is helpful. I might just be weird 😅.

[katydid]

Growing up in abuse does a number. I never really got away, never married, had to move back in with abusive mother for 10+ years. I managed to move to my own place, but I waited too long, and think it’s too late for me. No friends, no family of my own, family of origin believes my mothers lies (she destroyed two of my relationships already). I’m depressed, sleep a lot, live with multiple diseases, and chronic pain. I have no one to lean on, nothing to live for. I end up laying in bed or sleeping for hours on end. I need to get so many things done, but I am overwhelmed. Self-hate, depression, anxiety, and dissociation have been with me since I was a child. I’m not taking care of myself. Anytime I talk to my mom or siblings I go into a flashback, but when I don’t hear from them I feel rejected. It’s a no-win. I’m barely functioning with no money to pay for a therapist. No surprise my default is freeze/sleep. This is torture.

[aosidh]

Affirmations always make my inner bully dig in really hard. Bridge statements are great, and as an upshot, the silliness of all the qualifications help to lighten the mood 😾

[ericberger]

Omg...u are my angel...I just turned 60 and finally have figured out why u have felt (feel) the way I do. I have so many talents and experiences that could and WILL help others. Love to chat perhaps with you for a spell if poss cus your messaging has seriously just saved my life. I am not crazy not a loon...but mostly a victim of a horrible family experience...you rock girl.❤❤

[alexandria]

Thanks for this video. I have started positive affirmations this month I found on Youtube. I am actively kicking out the "terrible garbage thoughts" about myself and replacing them with affirmations. It really helps to hear things that are on the opposite end of the spectrum from my internal dialog.

[azizww]

I grew up in a place where mental health is non existent especially for men. Been bullied for everything physically and mentally. Never really received any compliments either I’m starting to doubt whether or not I deserve to be loved or be here in general. Many sleepless nights .. waking up feeling fatigued and just hopeless. I feel like I have a dagger in my heart and brain that I just can’t pull out no matter what I do.

[MysticCreature]

Your voice alone is worth it… it’s soothing just to hear you…. ❤❤❤