How To Stop Hating Yourself

Your relationship with yourself shapes your entire life - but what if that relationship is toxic?

Self-hatred isn't inevitable; it's a habit you can break. My approach challenges conventional self-help wisdom. Instead of forcing positivity, I've got 4 alternative approaches that will show you how to deal with self-hate effectively.

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0:00 The Importance of Self-Relationship
0:56 Stop Prosecuting Yourself for Thought Crimes
4:26 Avoid Setting Special Rules for Yourself
7:22 Acknowledge Your Own Story and Context
10:51 Quit Making Unrealistic Comparisons

Disclaimer: This content is not intended to be a replacement for receiving treatment. It is purely educational in nature. My relationship with you is that of presenter and audience, not therapist and client.

But I do care.

[MrcMcx]

That's a very big ask from me. My psychologist told me that he had spoken to incarcerated felons with less self hatred than I have.

[skeptik-cixo]

I often hold other people to the same standards as myself, and then I get resentful when they don't meet them. I am working on lowering my expectations of others because right now I pretty much think everyone is terrible.

[joeputtz]

I’m getting tired of hating myself. It really grinds you down. Man I hope I start going easy on myself sometime soon.

[rickvandijk]

My life became so much better when I stopped worrying and resenting myself about my ‘bad’ intrusive thoughts. They mean nothing, they pop up, I let them, and just don’t care any further. They pass, and that’s that. Sometimes they are persistent, but eventually they will pass, until they come back. And then same: I don’t fight them, I don’t act on them, I just don’t give them any attention. They’re thoughts, nothing more.
Good luck everyone, you are good people, whatever your thoughts are.

[_Chessa_]

A messed up thought I have constantly is I hate everything I think about. Everything I type out enrages me.

Even without shaming, roasting and screwing myself over and over. I think about writing a comment and then just stop altogether. Knowing it’s impulsive.
Knowing no one will like it. Hating everything I write and say. I ask myself why but then get angry about it.


Anyone else type out an entire comment and hate it so much you just delete everything?


I’d love to figure out how to stop that sort of overthinking and over sharing when I do type, talk, think about. I’m struggling hard on it right now.

[spaceengineer]

What about (like me) when ppl constantly criticise you...too enthusiastic/ not enthusiastic enough, you have anger issues, why do you make jokes all the time ?? etc etc. It's hard to know whats right & wrong....

[bchristian]

It's hard to stop hating myself when I live in a society that forces everyone into a box and has zero tolerance for anyone who doesn't conform.

[rosannalovespanda]

I often think of where I would be career wise if I didn’t suffer with mental health problems. I am so ambitious but my emotions and personality get in the way. But I am going to do something I almost never do and turn this around right now by sitting here and taking the time to be grateful for what I have instead. It’s not what I envisioned, but it’s pretty good given the circumstances.

[RCorDIE]

It's funny that you failed 1st year psyc but went on to become a very knowledgeable therapist. The info and presentation is always amazing

[UniMagik]

Hey Dr. Scott, any chance you can have a series on dealing with shame and regret as well? Personally, they're all interrelated issues for me with my depression. Grace is impossible right now.

[apoet-yc]

I don't compare myself to other people; I compare myself to who I used to be a few years ago (and even last year). I know who I was and what I am able to do and my current self is vile compared to who I used to be. I don't like the person I am, but I don't know who I want to be or even how I will be able to live in the future (and yes, I do have passive SI).

[onepartyroule]

I forget what first prompted me to realise this, but it’s been so helpful for me to realise that the thoughts that appear in your mind are not a reflection of who you are; it’s the way you RESPOND to the thoughts that informs you who you are.
You can have all kinds of disturbing thoughts, but if you’re not delighting in them and indulging them they aren’t a reflection of who you are.

[queenstar]

I would love to thank you for being so kind and empathic towards mental health.

You are the first therapist I see that is so empathic with what people are going through and is not judgmental about it.

Please continue making these videos. You have no idea how many people you are helping. Me, for example.

Continue the amazing work you are doing ❤

[Sensecommon]

Comparing myself seems like a permanent affliction since childhood. For me, Im the biggest loser in any room at any give time. At face value, it's true, but it's even more true if people knew all the things i try to cover up. This is where isolation is just survival.

[SonOfGodphotography]

I am impatient with how I think and feel (depressed) everyday-
Tired of it! Today I thought I would actually be glad to find out if I had a terminal illness so I can just say goodbye. Anhedonia sucks

[iannorton]

In all if your videos, it's as though you're speaking directly to me; so much of what you say applies to my situation.

[JustinLinder-uokj]

The worst part is not being able to express or convey what you're feeling accurately. You could be experiencing turmoil, and on the outside it's not congruent because you're so numb already. You're just marinating in shame and depression and not being able to ask for the right help to climb out. So you just feel doomed. And if you dare share those genuine feelings, people then associate you with "someone they can't chill with" and thus causes them to distance themselves because they believe you just don't care or do want to try. When you're really just stuck. And regardless of how you got there or if you meant to get there; you're not getting out alone.

[ChristinaKeenan-us]

A lot of these bad things often come from other people in the firmative years...

[theodorawohler]

My mother told me when I was 6 years old that “ you are supposed to hate yourself “.
It is hard to forget that. I was raised to hate myself.

[hammersaw]

The most helpful thing to do about acknowledging your own story is often reframing it. Most people know what happened, but they're standing in their own way of healing by holding onto a perspective that no longer serves a useful purpose in their life. It did when they were surviving it, but now that they are trying to heal, they need to change their habits, change their thoughts, and change their mind.