What Are The 4 Attachment Styles?

Timestamps

4:12 Anxious Attachment
9:35 Avoidant Attachment
16:10 Secure Attachment
20:48 Fearful Avoidant Attachment

HELLO! This video is one I feel like I have recorded 500 times now but it's worth getting right because attachment styles is a system that has been revolutionizing my life over the past year. The 4 styles are: Anxious Attachment, Avoidant Attachment, Fearful Avoidant Attachment and Secure Attachment. And in this video we go into depth about what each of those profiles look like.

I'm planning on putting out a LOT of content related to Attachment Styles over the next year. But what I really want to hear about is where you're at in your attachment style journey! Do you know your type? Are you in a relationship with someone whose type is very different from your own? What do you really want to learn about (or have explained to you in easy-to-understand terms)?

LOVE YOU ALL and Happy Valentine's Day!!

[curious_gage]

Why isn’t attachment theory a topic in school?!? Being able to understand this aspect of ourselves is incredibly useful for emotional regulation and development healthy relationships with others. It’s amazing how much sense this all makes.

[ScaricoOleoso]

Fun fact: If I slow this video down to 0.75x, it sounds like your videos now. I didn't realize you had worked so hard on your presentation. Very good work, ma'am! 😊

[espressoshot]

"The fearful-avoidant type is very confusing, even to the fearful-avoidant themselves..."

Great video, Heidi!

[amirjafari]

As an ENFP with an anxious attachment style, I’ve spent many years neglecting my needs of what makes me come alive, often repressing my true self to get love and attention from others. Struck gold with finding Heidi’s channel as she lays out what ENFPs need to be happy in other videos. My inner Si is taking lots of notes, Te is building a step by step self-healing program, Fi is obsessing over finding out what’s wrong with me, and Ne is sitting there bored as hell waiting for all this to get sorted out so the ENFP can go explore the world and have fun.

[greensarah]

I decided to go back to the start and watch one video per day to work on my attachment "stuff." Thank you for this incredible resource.

[JoyceMeng]

Amazing!! I thought I was a fearful-avoidant attachment style when in reality I have a secure attachment. This is the clearest explanation of attachment theory I have ever heard. Thank you so much, Heidi! :)

[wildembers]

It doesn’t just have to be the parent who impacts the attachment style. It can also be an older sibling or other “authority-type” person close to them.

[oosnbardroo]

Now THAT is just a PHENOMENAL backdrop! On the left: a symbol of growth. On the right: the sunshine threatening to break-through from behind the clouds of attachment struggles. I'm sure this was intentional, right...?!


Right?! :)

[djenning]

Really well said. I also have a lot of respect for Thais Gibson and her PDS. I also love that she was able to show me how to understand and love avoidant people for who they are, to respect their rich inner worlds, and to better understand my own avoidant side.

[meghaniacuelli]

Awesome video—I’m curious to learn more about how trauma beyond the first few years of life can lead to shifts in attachment style. Thanks for all the work you for the analysis of self and others!

[Herahottie]

I absolutely adore you and thank you for sharing! I started learning about attachment styles about 2 yrs ago. Great information and I love becoming aware of things I can do to improve my journey.
I am an ENFP and really love exploring and understanding how people work on the inside.

[mcee]

Love this series! You bring in a lot of nuanced understanding to the topic, and communicate it really clearly :)

[evenstar]

20:50 fearful avoidant. Very eye opening. Thank you!

[KatsuyosDimension]

Thank you for mentioning the vilification of avoidant at the end.
I stumbled over a description about dismissive avoidant some time again & it fit me in ways that stung quite a bit.
Since then I have been trying to gather bits of information here and there & absorb/accept it (not just dismiss it out of hand)

But I am at a point where f.e. Instagram now keeps telling me how anxious people are amazing, deserve people that treat them & their needs well, while I am a piece of shit that does not deserve a single human relationship & should get over themselves RIGHT NOW.

Which is pretty hurtful & demotivating. I have been trying to make the best of things & keep working on myself (even if it was not on the mental health portion of my life) for years, but apparently, that was for nothing.
Nothing else encourages one so well to change as being told one is an inherently bad person (\sarcasm).

[frederickhartray]

Heidi, Being the son of two architects, we tend to look down on interior designers, so you should be proud that you fill your brain with things that are more important than where you put the couch. Fearful avoidant are probably the result of mothers who cared more about the couch than the child. You are great!

[MyOwnFlashlight]

I don't care that it's been two years but I'm still going to throw in a compliment 😘 that's beautiful what you've put together for us...

... the tree, and the photograph isn't bad either 😆 I hope you are well. Thank you VERY MUCH for your videos. You take care of YOU, and your inner child too ❤

[MichaelRyanEpley]

The fact some of us do not already know these things says something about us. It says more about our culture, society, schools, and parents. Like, so much more!

[lillieemery]

She put 5 things together! Thats actually pretty impressive.

[DrSpheh]

I always thought I had an anxious attachment style. I learnt that I’m fearful-avoidant. Thank you so much for this Heidi❤. I was so happy to find your YouTube… Over the years I’ve read all of your essays on thought catalog, they got me through really difficult moments In my life. I’m glad I found you here as well❤😃

[kimberlymoulden]

So glad you've been posting on YouTube, your content has been SO SO GOOD!!! Learning attachment theory through Personality Hacker podcast a few years so was life changing for me, and will be for others too. Was thrilled to see this topic pop up!