Malignant Narcissism

In this episode, Dr. Ettensohn clarifies the concept of Malignant Narcissism, drawing on the model developed by theorist Otto Kernberg. Common misconceptions are dispelled. Object Relations Theory is used to discuss the origins of both NPD and Malignant Narcissism, highlighting developmental differences between each disorder.

Two meanings of malignant narcissism are discussed:

1. Malignant narcissism is a combination of narcissistic personality, antisocial traits, ego-syntonic sadism, and paranoid thinking that represents its own personality constellation distinct from Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

2. Malignant narcissism represents a phase or episode of narcissistic pathology in which repressed or split-off identifications with sadistic objects rise to the surface and become enacted in relationships. This is often due to loosening of grandiose defenses in psychotherapy.

References:
Ettensohn, M.D. (2011). The relational roots of narcissism: Exploring relationships between attachment style, acceptance by parents and peers, and measures of grandiose and vulnerable narcissism. (Doctoral dissertation).

Goldner-Vukov, M., & Moore, L. J. (2010). Malignant narcissism: From fairy tales to harsh reality. Psychiatria Danubina, 22(3), 392-405.

Kernberg, O. F. (1970). Factors in the psychoanalytic treatment of narcissistic personalities. Journal of the American Psychoanalytic Association, 18, 51-85.

Kernberg O.F. (1984). Severe Personality Disorders. New Haven, CT: Yale University Press.

#npd #narcissism #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #dsm #psychology #healing #psychoanalysis

[healnpd]

I will remove comments that are abusive to any individual (including myself) or population. This includes comments that are abusive toward pwNPD.

[melliecrann-gaoth]

It is said that the original fairy tales had evil mothers but that was rewritten to step mothers to make the stories more palatable- saleable. One of the greatest taboos remaining is The Evil Mother.

[emmagrove]

This actually really helps me understand my older sister and the fact that being cruel to others seems to give her relief. Our father was very sadistic and abusive towards her.

[charel]

If I'm understanding this correctly, it would explain why "empaths" tend to be the common "target" of abuse by malignant narcissists. By showing compassion and attempt at understanding, they are evoking a defensive response, because the malignant narcissist genuinely feels attacked by such behavior

[christinegreene]

This describes everything I just went thru with my husband who is a diagnosed Malignant Narcissist. I didn’t know what a narcissist was before this. He turned sadistically evil…It all started making sense once I learned. These have been the worst two years of my life as well as the most threatening and frightening. Thank you for your concise explanations.

Before I watched your video, I was under the impression that once his defense mechanisms kicked in, the pendulum of his psychopathy became more severe and he lost touch with reality. It was scary and traumatizing.

[leannimalcrackers]

"None of us is responsible for the events that shaped our personality, but we are responsible for what we do about it.
The better you come to know yourself, the more empowered you become to make better decisions."👏👏👏

[pocahontas]

I’ve listened to various descriptions of personality disorders/illnesses but it’s when I hear the description of malignant narcissist that every time I’m slapping the table saying “yep! That’s it, hits the nail on the head”. Every little detail the sadism, the paranoia, the inability to understand that other people have their own mind and h thought process. All exactly describes my soon to be ex husband and I would see it but didn’t know how to even put it in words. Just always felt very disturbed and chaotic.

[davemckagan]

My mother was a textbook malignant narcissist. She was the middle child and both of her siblings are normal and well-adjusted adults. So I believe some people are simply born this way.

[extinctreminant]

The therapist triggers the fight or flight response and defense mechanisms to activate. Because this topic triggers a lot of memories of really bad experiences. I don’t know if I have NPD, but I definitely have BPD and too much of these videos is overwhelming. Even though I have released myself from the constant state of fight or flight I feel the anxiety returning just from peeling apart the layers of my damage and how I responded and how I treat people today.

[dammitdelta]

As someone who is trying to get better with malignant narcissism, this is extremely accurate and one of the best descriptions I’ve seen of my pathology. I sent it to my partner because it made me feel seen and understood.

[theodorerooding]

Oof. This was hard. I'm a disabled veteran, on my mental health healing journey. You just explained my childhood and why I joined the Army in a time of war. Now to share this with my MH provider and try to grow past these toxic patterns. Thank you.

[sarahs]

The problem is a core lack of empathy and not being able to see another individual’s personhood. Also, there is a problem with muted conscience. Another hurdle is the substance abuse disorder that almost always occurs alongside npd.

[Leaptab]

Thia video just summed up my mother word for word, it's taken 13 years of research to whittle down what exactly is wrong with my mother i this has confirmed my research pointing to a malignant narcissist. Thank you so much❤

[amelinda]

Forever grateful for your calm and measured approach to this very confusing topic. Between your content, and the approach of Sam Vaknin, I feel like that terrifying black hole I have spent so much unconscious energy resisting is getting less turbulent. Life saving, soul feeding experience of actually being able to process the profound grief, unsteady self awareness, and existential dread that comes with being a traumatised little human. My heart aches for all of the pain our species participate in, and mourns for those who have never known thy self.

[eveningprimrose]

This was so my ex-husband. As far as I can tell, he practiced sadism only against me. He definitely got pleasure and stress relief from torturing me, and he almost did succeed in causing my death. Toward all others, he only ever wanted to appear to be a hero, a good guy, and a genius. He skillfully hid his torture of me from others, but our daughter did see some of it. Then she began to abuse me too...

Another interesting factor is that I think all three of us are autistic, but only our daughter has been diagnosed. I observed that he treated our gifted daughter as I suspect he had been treated by his mother (who is a very strong person, and obviously narcissistic).

Near the end I told him a couple of times that he was either incredibly emotionally stupid or an evil genius, and I just wasn't sure which. At that time he pulled out all the stops to try to end me with psychological torture and utter cruelty.

Was I faultless? Of course not. But I did want us to love each other, and I did love him, which only made things worse. How sad that he was incapable of being loved.

[TheJellyBabyxxxx]

I found that very helpful, thank you. I've finally gone no contact with my surviving parent, my mother. I tried to do it years ago, when I was in my early 20's. For both my parents as both repeatedly made my childhood a living nightmare. But a well meaning family member let my mother into my home back then as I couldn't get to the front door first or try to explain just a fraction of the actual situation.

It's been incredibly hard to recently understand my parents & the true extent of what I've been dealing with. Especially as my dad is now passed.

My dad was very detached. & the tiny family budget after essentials, was all his to enjoy himself away from home. He wasn't as scary, dominant, loud & cruel as my mother. But more cold & furtive.

When he passed my mother got worse. I didn't think it was possible. For my own safety & sanity, I was left with no other choice but to go no contact recently.

I appreciate that there's a raft of behavioural traits within any disorder. That sometimes the person with the disorder feels helpless themselves. Worse still, they're destroying the most precious relationships in their lives.

My mother went to counselling years ago. Sadly that made her worse if anything as all the therapist did was give her another stage to solo perform on, without touching on the real reasons.

I'd urge anybody who thinks that they may have a personality disorder to seek proper, professional, constructive help. I've known two people in my life who passed, when it looked like they were agitated. It was like by the time they really tried to speak honestly, they were in their final hours of life and unable to. It's so sad.

[isobelle.London]

I got you’re book 📖 . This explanation of NPD is a lot closer to my personal experience . I’ve had to watch this repeatedly

[tinkingtinking]

My mum was a malignant narcissist, I walked away 8 years ago, she died about 2 years ago and I thought the nightmare was over, how wrong I was. One of older sisters who contacted me about our mother dying has taken her place, she's manipulated our dad into giving her everything in his Will when he passes, he's told me he has to do as he's told because she does so much for him. I'm not aloud to go see him and nor am I aloud to have any of my mums things. Unfortunately my daughter has genetically inherited this narcissism too and im going to have to go no contact with her as well as my father. I have done everything to try stay in these toxic relationships but all it does is continue to make me feel like im the bad one, things I did 45 years ago are thrown at me for why I'm being treated like this, even going no contact makes me feel like a bad person. It's an awful situation to be in but I have to leave them behind.

[dv]

Thank you so much for explaining the difference in NPD and Malignant Narcissism! I have learned so much from your videos! I have been married to the same man for 24 years, I always thought he was Bipolar or Schizophrenic, until recently learning about Narcissism. I have left several times and went back, I left again 6 months ago. I had been increasing deteriorating Physically and Mentally because of the Arguments, Paranoia, Anger, lies, etc I was Exhausted! He doesn’t admit that he has any disorder. I have spent many years trying to make him see Reality! Thanks again for sharing your knowledge!

[Evaa]

I agree with your perspective. It makes a lot of sense. Very enlightening. My malignant narcissist ex was just like you described underneath. Here are some of my observations and conclusions from our relationship: in my non- expert opinion I feel that they have zero distinction beetween themselves and other people - especially those significant others. No respect for boundaries because they CANNOT see them. Everyone around them is just an extension of their SELF, not a separate human being. They will sadistically emotionally abuse significant others just as they sadistically abuse themselves. The latter happens largely subconsciously, the former - I'm still not sure to this day.