5 Ways Narcissists Show Their True Colors In Crunch Time

It's easy to look normal when life flows as you wish, but in "crunch time" moments you can more honestly gauge a person's true colors. Dr. Les Carter describes five telling scenarios where narcissists let their masks down and show you who they really are. In those moments, narcissists have great difficulty keeping up with their illusions.

📣 Dr. Carter's video course, Anger Games, is now available! 📣

Dr. Les Carter is a best selling author and therapist who has semi-retired to Waco, TX. For 40+ years he maintained a counseling practice in Dallas, conducting more than 65,000 therapy sessions and many workshops and seminars. He specializes in anger management and narcissistic personality disorder. Since creating his YouTube channel, his videos have received more than 130 million views.

You can follow Surviving Narcissism on:
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Dr. Carter has three other courses that you may find to be useful:

[cathrine]

When my narcissistic mother in law tries to “apologize” she always finds a way to spin it so that it’s actually someone else’s fault. Every time!

[FrankMSeleno]

As Dr. C has said before reveals character".

[yukio_saito]

They can't solve any issue, and they even make things worse. Let them struggle with their problems. Their problems are theirs.

[amandaliverpool]

When it comes to the crunch, they won't or can't support you. They always want to be the ones that are being supported. Looking forward to this!

[roxymovie]

Whenever they feel threatened, they will show you their true colours.
"Crunch time" is actually all the time you differ from them (showing your independence, boundaries etc.) for this is a big threat to them, which they can't handle.

[darinsmith]

I think everyone needs to be told "no" just to see their true colors..

[BaraSchmidt]

The only thing we can count on with THEM is that we can't count on them.
Good times or bad THEY are only focused on what's in it for them.
Make sure you aren't providing any supply!
Stay Healthy!!

[BLea]

Good times reveal character, because the empaths will be overflowing with love and caring, whereas the narcissists will never be able to compare, because its just not in them.

[xhaxha]

My ex narcissist was unable to acknowledge or much less, offer a genuine apology with any insight, empathy or even basic curiosity about "why would I do something like that?" I finally realized this person is NEVER going to grow or learn. Made ending things permanently easier!!!

[bereal]

Learnt this the hard way! When you really need them, not only are they not there, they make things far worse! The opposite of what you need when you're having a bad time. I was blind to the prior betrayals which have come more and more as they've aged. Now they cannot hide their true selves, becoming forgetful They don't coordinate, they crucify even when you're down in the gutter. True colours, oh yeah!

[patrycjaolejarz]

It’s so good to hear normal person with normal look, thank you for the valuable insight on this topic.

[peggyr]

Before my brother died he made the comment that our dad was a narcissist and I hadn't picked up on that. But now I see that my first husband was a lot like him.
Thank you for all the information. Wish I knew this when I was young.

[snowbear]

2:45 Not only do they not support you, they cut off other avenues of support as well.
For example, after my marriage broke up, my brother in law screamed at me, while my sister carried on entertaining her guests.
My sister later tried to poison a friend against me, where I had gone to stay, by telling the friend I was just using her. The friend was shocked and appalled. That same friend has been a friend for 45 years now and has stayed at my place many, many times over the years. She still expresses shock and dismay over my sister's wickedness.

[craigmerkey]

Thank you so much! I recognize people with these personality traits always claim to be misunderstood not appreciated and other BS because they are essentially a hollow shell!

[JAYNEYOUNG-zo]

My ex husband becomes very upset when trouble arises. We were traveling out of state and got a flat tire. Our teenage kids were in the van at the time. Mind you, it was broad daylight. We were in a familiar city. He yelled " great, we are f**king stranded!" My kids burst out laughing. Which made him even more livid. What he was upset about was the fact that we wouldn't make it to his parents house in fast fashion!

[kellyprice]

The prominent narcissist in my life confesses by hedging. "Maybe I might have", "this could be what happened", "Possibly I misunderstood". He did it. He knows it. But, everyone else is awful for believing he did the wrong act.

[FraFromItaly]

Waiting for dr C lesson.
Coming from my experiences:
some of the narcissists ways of dealing with the crunch:
- outbursts of anger or acting as the victim (or even both). It depends on the circumstances and the people involved;
- rude and insulting language towards both the main target (scapegoat or other) and their enablers (the ones in the family, behind closed doors) ;
- blame shifting to the nth degree;
- openly aggressive abuse (I mean they can go easily from the usual passive-aggressiveness to open aggressiveness. Either directly or indirectly it may be some type of physical abuse, too);
- if the crisis involves a sick person, they may also increase the (direct or indirect) abuse against the sick person;
- total blocking of any normal activity and any program (even important ones) of all the people within the narcissistic cult / group / family because every "little crunch" or discomfort of the narcissist must have absolute priority;
- possible sudden unpredictable decisions, impacting life of other people, family, etc (note. these decisions may be withdrawn or not in the following days after the crunch).
- they may suddenly take the car (or pick up the phone) to go to someone else starting a "conversation" about whatever, aimed at starting a new series of smear campaigns or cultivating it "better";
- they try to maintain the "consequences" of the crunch, twisted against other people, as long as they can

[rositu]

Unfortunately yes this video does give clarity 😢. It is gut wrenching to acknowledge the wasted years and wasted love. I am currently grieving the clarity of a 20 year friendship and dealing with angst over the manipulation and abuse I cherished as friendship.

[deborahrichardson]

When times got tough, he'd be in abandoned mode. Avoidance was his go to.

[michiganlighthouse]

OMG. I thought he was getting worse because he was getting older. This makes so much more sense. As I learned more and withdrew little by little, it took more for him to rattle me. Then, it turned physical. Bruises and all. I didn't see that coming. In public, he was Mr Nice Guy. I was shocked. I am divorcing him - which shocked him in turn. It was even more surprising that he thought I'd return, as I had once before. These videos have taught me so much about covert narcissism, which is terribly confusing when living in it for 30+ years.