A Simple Narcissist Test

[deeps]

The test: "When you unintentionally hurt someone"
The narcissist: "They're not actually hurt. They're just over-reacting. It's not my fault they're being dramatic."

[jademusic]

A narcissist can apologize, but they won't be sincere. They're just saying it to get you off their back. They'll never change.😩💔

[gigia]

The narc who abused me would absolutely apologize. Sometimes she would say “I’m sorry for my part in it” and tell me to apologize for “my part” . And yes, the narcs are evolving into more and more manipulative monsters.

[tamsinterror]

Remember, an apology without action is just an appeasement. If they say sorry but continue the behavior that hurt you, they were just placating you with words. Real apologies are followed by sincere, corrective actions.

[LostButNotFound]

I'm getting tempted to send this to my ex husband, just to show him I'm not the narcissist.
But, the fact that I still need his validation is showing how codependent I truly am.

[lauraquigley]

Narcissist have no emotion no empathy for no one they are always right not wrong and they want to control you at all times.

[relaxandasmr]

My soon to be ex has said every time I've told him he hurt me that I've hurt him too before I even get an apology. It took over a year for him to even apologize, but when his apologies started after I went to him with an issue, he would want me to apologize to him every time too. I explained to him that this is not how adult conversations go and he will argue with me on this until I'm so exhausted I can hardly talk anymore. This is the hell I've been living for two years and I'm finally applying for my own place, I finally will be able to have peace away from this soul-sucking, crazy-making relationship.

[KarenT-khsy]

It's surprising how many people can't say "I was wrong" and the lengths they will go to avoid admitting to doing something they shouldn't have done.

[jmdenison]

a narcissist can fake that. what they can't fake is genuine caring about people.

[tinktink]

I lived with a narcissist for 5 months. This is true. They'll never even apologize because they can't. They're wired that way.

[danaleanne]

The crazy thing is that most people who have suffered from narcissistic abuse alway wonder if they are narcissists

[michaelfischer-xpcw]

Cool video, My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love her so much I can’t stop thinking about her, I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her, but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss her and just can’t stop thinking about her.

[VirgoDluxe]

My husband has NEVER apologized without me apologizing first…. I apologized even when I didn’t do anything wrong just so we can work it out. He also never took accountability for anything …. There was always ‘context’ as to why he didn’t need to take accountability. Talk about it mentally exhausting to deal with for 4 years. So glad I left that toxic dynamic. It was soul sucking.

[champen]

They can fake it, just not very well.

My mom always says things like, "I lost my temper and maybe went too far, but YOU needed to be taught a lesson."

Or, "I have become a more patient person, but your BROTHER was sent by God to test me."

[RavensWingTarot]

The narcs are evolving. I've had 2 narcs say they thought they might be. The self awareness made me think they couldn't be. Oh they were. They were just letting me know

[Relatedonthate]

I might add to this that a true narcissist would recognize what you are getting at and would provide an answer that sounds like they care. They are very good at telling you what you want to hear.

[glindaschannel]

God forbid! DON'T tell the narcissist they'll add that to their playbook and pretend they are!

[Piecesoftheshadow]

A lot of people struggle to be wrong and apologize and they’re not narcissists, but lacking any empathy or regret definitely could make you a narcissist, whereas if you just struggle to say sorry and take accountability, you could struggle with perfectionism, pride, arrogance, or certain issues from your past and working on it would be a huge help.

[rochellebroglen]

I think it's important to recognize that there's a difference between being a narcissist and displaying narcissistic behavior (or areas where we lack emotional maturity).

Unfortunately, in our culture, we lack emotional intelligence. This is a widespread cultural issue.

Up until very recently, the dominant paradigms of the time saw emotional needs and injuries as invalid. We blamed and judged people for displaying symptoms of trauma and unmet needs.

Many of us learned to suppress and invalidate our emotional experiences. We were told by unhealthy caregivers that this was "managing" our emotions. We were taught to gaslight ourselves, ie "I shouldn't be feeling that". We learned to abandon ourselves and to mask. We learned to subtly, and not so subtly, sabotage ourselves. We lack empathy for ourselves and many have decades of suppressed and unprocessed trauma, that's easily triggered. We lack the capacity to tolerate and process difficult emotions and either shut down and suppress, or act from deeply ingrained survival strategies. We also can struggle to navigate conflict or express our needs in vulnerable ways (if we even see our needs as valid). Many of us are codependent and either feel responsibility for the emotions of others or attempt to assign responsibility for ours to others. We can be sensitive to feedback and perceived rejection. We can unconsciously manipulate, not only others, but ourselves too. (The tools of manipulation are Fear, Obligation, Guilt, and Shame; FOGS). We can have entitlement issues and attempt to hold people hostage with our emotions. We can justify, defend, or deny our own harmful behavior, "they made me do it", "that's just who I am", "my feelings are valid", etc.

(Your right to authenticity doesn't entitle you to objectify another or ignore consent).

Much of this behavior can be unconscious. Deep beliefs of shame can interfere with self reflection.

Trauma symptoms are not character flaws. But they can damage relationships. It's not our fault that we were injured and never received healthy modeling. But it is our responsibility.

Recognizing we have a need to heal can be difficult. Developing emotional maturity in adulthood isn't easy.

None of this is about blame or fault. It's not about labeling ourselves as narcissistic. It's about practicing compassionate self honesty and recognizing areas where we need to grow.

We grew up in a wounded culture. We were raised by unhealthy caregivers who passed on their unhealed trauma and taught us to be codependent.

There's no shame in that. And no, it doesn't make you a narcissist.

[TamaraKoontz]

an actual narcissist wouldnt even bother asking that question bc it means they might be flawed in some way..

Love this.