How to make friends - as an adult | Ingrid Nilsen

Let’s be honest, making friends can be awkward and scary. When I moved to NYC last year making friends was one of the things I was MOST afraid of. So today I’m sharing the places I’ve been going to meet people, steps I’ve taken to make friends there, and how I’ve taken those new acquaintances into deeper friendships.

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OTHER PLACES TO FIND ME:

Twitter: @ingridnilsen
Instagram: @ingridnilsen
Facebook: heyingridnilsen

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Fall Favorites 2019

Easy Natural Makeup Tutorial

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WHAT I’M WEARING IN THIS VIDEO:

- Laura Mercier Tinted Moisturizer in Natural

- Laura Mercier Flawless Fusion Concealer

- Laura Mercier Translucent Setting Powder

- Laura Mercier Caviar Stick in Caramel

- Covergirl Plumpify Mascara in Waterproof

- Hourglass Eyebrow Pencil

- Benefit 24 Hour Brow Setter

- Laura Mercier Blush in Ginger

- Fresh Sugar in the City Sugar Lip Treatment

- Dress thrifted from Beacon’s Closet

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VIDEO CREDITS
FYI: For videos edited by me, you won’t see editing credits. When I do get help from other people, you’ll see their names here.

Production Manager + Editor: Cristina Cleveland
@cristinacleveland

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DISCLAIMER: This video is not sponsored.

[asiram]

It's amazing that you said that your friendships and your romantic relationships are at the same priority level. I think we are told that our romantic relationships need to be the strongest relationships that we have, but that can be a lot of pressure. Valuing friendships personally has brought me so much joy and meaning to my life, and so has my long term romantic relationship.

[etherealsparkles]

Idk if it’s just me but i feel like people are also a lot more closed off as we get older? Like i find it so much harder to start conversations with people i see around because everyone is just in their own worlds

[icalinneaica]

I lived in the same town the first 25 years of my life and kinda just took having friends for granted. When I finally moved to a new town I REALLY underestimated how hard it would be to get new friends, even two years in I still need all the tips I can get. Thank you!

[arianasigel]

I decided to join a group based off my interests. I joined an LGBTQ+ chorus because I like singing, and my world has completely changed. I have not only a bunch of amazing friends I made as an adult, but also a second family.

[jullianagalang]

It’s like you knew I needed this right now. Thank you Ingrid ❤️

[kathrynjoy]

I’ve met some great people through bumblebff and i’ve gone on fun friend dates such as plant shopping, going to concerts, and perusing bookstores. I love the feeling of a new friendship blossoming and i’m looking forward to deepening my new friendships ☺️

[jojojoannnnne]

I love how earnest this video is.

I have been struggling to keep or create close connections with friends (old and new) lately. When plans fall through or I find out I wasn't invited to something, I experience overwhelming feelings of anxiety that perhaps I'm not good/likable enough. I also live in a city that is often described as generally cold and unwelcome (Vancouver, Canada). It's been really tough, so I appreciate this video so much.

[maryrodriguez]

I really felt that "instant conection" comment. I was in an abusive relationship for 5 years and I made a conection with a guy at work but did not pursue a friendship cause I was scared of my ex fiance. Faat forward 5 months, I broke off my engagement and this guy became my friend in the blink of an eye and has been a really great support in my gloomy days 💜💜💜 I dared to be open after years of ignoring friends because of fear and it's the best thing I've ever done.

[rebeccalynntaylor]

Listening is a huge part of my great friendships! Truly listening to your friends encourages strong bonds, knowledge, TRUST and love!!

[karlalara]

I love this video so much! Can you do one on breaking up with friends?

[Nokss_]

I've lost so many friends due to them neglecting our relationship because they now have a new man. I've watched it happen throught my 20s and now in my 30s I'm looking for new friends who actually know the purpose of friendships especially since my family members also have done the same thing to me. People think that a romantic partners are all that they need, I don't understand where this comes from.

Great video and yes I need to go to the library. 💚

[jarofarts]

Sometimes I feel like I give a lot in my friendships but rarely receive anything in return so I kind of stopped making an effort as time passed by.

[MrsFlooosh]

I made the experience that people are very surprised (in a positiv way) when I reach out to new neighbours or colleagues at work actively saying or sending a note "Hi you're new here, welcome:) Do you want to grab a coffee some time this week?" it is kind of sad that most of the time I get the response "sure, that's so nice. this never happend to me before"

[MyJewishMommyLife]

This was really interesting, I feel like when you have kids you have to repeat the process allll over again and make new “mom friends” which can be tough.

[laura.bollack]

Can i say how much i love ingrids voice and how slow she talks😍i love listening to her❤️

[emmarussellstudio]

I’ve loved connecting with other moms trough church, and then just having casual mom hangouts. I’ve also loved just starting conversations with different people on social media and becoming friends in that space as well!

[taliagonzalez]

this couldn't have come at a better time. I've always struggled to have and to maintain friendships. at this current moment, I don't have any friends and that sucks cause i don't have anyone to talk to. the only people I talk to are my family and even with that im not open with them. As I get older, making new friends is so much harder. I feel stuck with where I am in life and the people I am around aren't people I can connect to. Moving to another country with people who can't relate to your life is so hard. I have yet to find people that share common interests with me and it hurts to know i can't vent about what i love to people without them not caring about it. But to be honest, i feel like i can't maintain friendships because I feel like people find me boring. then they move on and find someone better. All my life I've felt like a second choice and never number one. The last time I've had the best of friends, best friends, was in middle/junior high. since then i haven't had any friends that lasted more than two years. I always blamed myself on why can't i keep friendships. What am I doing wrong? And with that, my trust towards people just has been always so little. i guess in my head I have a feeling like they aren't going to last in my life due to past experiences so I become closed off. I'm about to turn 25 in January and here I am with no friends. I can really use a friend or someone to talk too. 😞🙈

[brunowearsboots]

I think the idea of "text me when you get home" can be great for romantic relationships too. Especially in this online dating era and with hook-up culture, we tend to jump right into romance but skip over building some kind of friendship first. One of the ways I knew my boyfriend and I were going to work as a couple was that we didn't feel obligated to follow antiquated rules like 3 days before calling, and he genuinely cared that I texted him when I got home so he knew I was safe (and conversely would always text me when he got home). It also gave us a chance to talk about those things that go through your brain driving home from a date. Now we live together, so the home safe text doesn't really exist anymore, but when we get home from doing things we still always talk about the things that have been done, whether we did them together or not

[aliceb]

Thank you for this video, hearing others talking about growing their friendships is very comforting for me. This video made me realise that we are all (as people) always building our friendships like you would a romantic relationship. You don't just wake up and think, right cool, friendship completed, its all progress, and it takes work. So to anyone reading this (also telling myself), just know that whatever stage you are at on that journey, its okay, and you're doing great.

[Ashley.cThompson]

I would love for you to make a video on how to keep/maintain friendships when we all live such busy lives. I find it hard to prioritize friends when my life/work/family/etc feels like it takes up all of my free time.