Criticism when you've had a bad childhood

Being criticised is never pleasant - but when you've also suffered an unsupportive childhood, it cuts especially deep. In order to bolster our capacity to withstand attacks, we need to unpick the legacy of unhelpful nurture in our early years.

FURTHER READING

“Criticism is never easy. To learn that others judge us to be foolish, perverse, ugly or unpleasant is one of the most challenging aspects of any life. However, the impact of criticism is hugely variable – and depends ultimately on a rather unexpected detail: what sort of childhood we have had. The clue to whether criticism will be experienced as merely unpleasant or wholly catastrophic lies in what happened to us many decades ago in the hands of our earliest caregivers…”

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CREDITS

Produced in collaboration with:

Andrei Verioti

Sound Design
Marian Popescu #TheSchoolOfLife

[gmac]

Parents are not the only ones who make a childhood difficult. Other children can destroy a child's self worth and confidence and teachers or caregivers too.

[theaussiebaron]

If I could say one thing to my 15 year old self - I'm 63 - it would be: "It's not your fault".
Good luck on your journey.

[annab]

My parents criticised practically everyone who crossed their path. It was exhausting and uncomfortable. I made a conscience decision not to criticise my son and he has become the person I should have been. He can handle criticism and has high self-esteem. A happy and thriving individual.

[chrisp]

"By having 1 person who loves you growing up, you don't feel as much of a need to be loved by the world."

very well said.

[sarahk]

"The chief marker of being a good parent is that the child has zero interest in being liked by a large number of strangers."

deep.

[iSundae]

I was taught to be invisible, now I get criticised for being shy LOL

[Redqueen-eu]

"DO I DESERVE TO EXIST?" triggered multiple times

[eliannam.]

**takes a deep breath**
Repeat after me: I'm not defined by my childhood. I wasn't the one in charge, so it's not my fault. There's nothing wrong with me.

[madisonaubrey]

“Do I deserve to exist?” “Do I deserve love?” “Do I deserve stability?” It’s nice to get to the root of these dark questions. Thank you.

[DianaMarisol.]

My childhood was not good, it could have been worse. My family are very critical and mocking. Something absurd is that now they say that I have low self-esteem, it's almost funny.

[blogobre]

The only eyes that looked at me was my dog that gave me the great compassion I have today.

[krosis]

I specifically remember crying my eyes out while sitting on my bed thinking my mom wasn’t my actual mom because I thought my real mom wouldn’t treat me so bad

[Jo-phzo]

I was 6 when I witnessed my father beat my mother, that wasn’t the only time it happened, it would continue until I turned 11. The abuse then began on my older brother, seeing my little brother almost get ran over by the person who was supposed to protect us. I woke up to my mom waking us up in the middle of the night because my dad was outside pouring gasoline around the house. I never got the proper therapy for all of the abuse I witnessed. I suffered a lot in middle school with self harm, losing my self worth and never leaving my bed. My mom didn’t think much of it and she wasn’t well either. I was forced to go to therapy but they would tell me that if I had suicidal thoughts they would send me to the hospital and I didn’t want that so I lied a lot and didn’t get any help. I am now 18 and I think it’s time to finally get help.

[roppobarber]

When you regularly get criticised it knocks the confidence out of you, a bit of praise when deserved goes a long way.

[iwnunn]

The silent parent can be just as damaging

[Raypunzel]

I always knew I never wanted kids because I’ve always been afraid I’d subconsciously mistreat them the same way my parents always denounced me.

[hosnyshakur]

To my unborn child, İ promise to give you the life İ never had and make you feel proud .

[brendenpischke]

"You cannot love someone else until you learn to accept yourself. You cannot accept yourself until you're loved by somebody else."

[Bathna]

My family was well off. But I never felt loved or appreciated. No one believed me when I was miserable and suicidal at the age of 8. I still feel unworthy of love, and feel invisible now at the age of 26 despite being loved and managing to 'succeed' in life. Future parents should take this video as a valuable lesson. It's way easier to raise a healthy child than fix a broken adult.

[marshallcurtis]

This video helps to explain how Marilyn Monroe can be loved by millions, and yet so depressed.