How Do I Handle CRITICISM?

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A fan says she's been without a relationship for 20 years because of her negative reactions to CRITICISM. I talk about the reasons this happens and most importantly, how to NOT harm relationships anymore, by redirecting the intense reactions so common for people who were abused and neglected as children.
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I've got lots of info and links for you below. But first, PLEASE READ:

I am not a therapist or physician. My videos are for educational purposes only. Information provided on this channel is not intended to be a substitute for in-person professional medical advice. It is not intended to replace the services of a therapist, physician, or other qualified professional, nor does it constitute a therapist-client physician or quasi-physician relationship. If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, please call a local emergency telephone number or go to the nearest emergency room immediately.

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[dishatto]

Wow I thought I was the only one ever who experienced this. I just can’t believe it!!! I don’t know how I ever found this channel but it’s amazing. This is the best video ever.

[arnieb]

I have an instantaneous reflex reaction when my wife makes a critical comment. While it may be the smallest comment or even a constructive suggestion, I interpret it as criticism and I get super-sensitive and it makes me instantly angry. I understand my reaction is disproportionate to the comment, but in the moment it feels impossible to stop. Even if I pause and take a deep breath, she knows she’s hit a raw nerve, and has started walking on eggshells because she doesn’t know how I’ll react, which makes me very sad. And while I’m ashamed to admit it, at those moments I can’t help but think “I just wish I was dead right now. I don’t want to be here anymore.” For the record, I would never act on that, but the thoughts are scary, and I don’t understand it. By the way, just knowing there are other people out there who have this experience is very helpful!

[gpparis]

My boss was singing the praises of my co worker to me the other day. What I heard was I wasn't as good as her.

[apple]

In regards to writing with a pencil on paper, it stimulates the parasympathetic nervous system and it brings the prefrontal cortex online. It's calming. Whereas writing on a computer wakes up the limbic cortex and stimulates the sympathetic nervous system because of the blinking lights (even when our eyes can't detect the blinking our brain does). Science is so cool.

[milaalt]

Don't worry girl. I understand you. Sometimes I start pushing people away and get really angry because I start to feel not safe and so I try to leave.

[blessedtruther]

Sometimes its not criticism but our mis perception. We take so much as a personal critcism, because we were so used to it, it's like we just expect it. Comes so naturally!

[rumdo]

I’m tired of feeling uncared for. I am an empath and a good listener and I yo-yo between being alone and attracting needy people with problems who do not really see me or appreciate me fully. I am thinking of cloning myself!

[helenmccarthy]

Anna Runkle I love you!! I am nearly 61 and have done this all my life - I wish I'd heard this advice 40 years ago xxx

[beybiletta]

Even the implied criticism and the facial expressions of disapproval hurts me deeply. My father was overly critical with my mother and me. I hope I can learn to cope with it. This is why I'm a people pleaser. I have learned to sense their response/judgements even create them in my mind when they don't exist. When someone has a headache or had a bad day and it has nothing to do with me, I start to question what's wrong with me, what have I done, have I done something WRONG

[gardener]

Thank you Anna. If I might offer another tool? I use my phone to record myself when I'm dis-regulated, like a diary. (When I'm very upset I shake, writing is difficult.) It allows me to hear how I sound as well as my words, which for me has been a big bonus. It doesn't replace my journal, it's just another tool in the toolbox. I've also recorded myself when I've had to deal with stressful situations. It allows me the opportunity to fairly and objectively listen to myself afterwards. I don't tend to remember things correctly when I'm spun out. Recording alleviates that issue. This has helped keep me from ruminating so much over stressful situations.

[Ambersgangrenedangleeeenankle]

Your channel feels like home. I cant thank you enough.

[Fefe]

I think you are changing my life, I feel dysregulated almost most of the day, every day my whole life, I have intense anger sometimes, always trying to calm myself down. So learning to dysregulated my impatience or disassociating scatter brain, and severe ADHD symptoms. My whole life has been insane. So this is such good advice! pause, breath, constant learning, and trying to think calmly. I am finding your videos the MOST helpful on you tube, and I listen to A LOT of self help stuff, all day long. So thank you!

[sarahgerman]

Anna, thank you! Hearing you say CPTSD is a brain injury shifted my feelings on living with this condition. Remembering this will make me more compassionate towards myself when triggering situations arise. Everything you said hit me in the heart. I will mentally practice what to do so that criticism will not blow up my next relationship. Love and gratitude!!!

[elizabethbradley]

This lady is so amazing to me. The manner in which she speaks of the issue I struggle with is profoundly sensible!
So calming that I'm able to accept without shame, rather than hope I'm not blamed, I can recover. She so kindly has explained the better part of my life and been there too.
At the end of this video she just summarizes so sincerely. I felt kindness and understanding. And a few light bulbs believe that!
Appreciation is a good place for healing. Peaceful living in truth. Blessings 2u

[youngandprofitingpodcast]

I love everything you're doing with this channel with the research, empathy, and understanding. Thank you for being a fairy godmother to so many <3 We're lucky to have this corner of the internet!

[cl]

I feel shame about having to ask for time away from the situation...like it makes me feel like something is wrong with me and that I'll be judged negatively for seeing that time - I've been severely scapegoated in my family as being the one with "problems" while taking no responsibility of their parts it's like if I'm the one who needs to step away to "cool down" it's like giving them false confirmation that I'm the problem one if I can't even control myself and have to step I hope this makes sense to someone. It feels horrible

[andrewjohnson]

I relate to what “Molly” is going through. I’ve shut down in the same way since my partner of 14 years discarded me for another man. I’ve not been in any relationship, had no desire or drive to be in one, and could easily see myself still in this place 20 years from now as well.

[dbhealer]

I van tell you that you help me more than anyone I've heard yet. This is the root of my issues. I've been misdiagnosed my entire life. Thank you❤

[freyashipley]

Molly, my heart goes out to you as a kindred spirit. Everything you say resonates for me. Thank you for reaching out to Anna and describing your experience. <3

[apple]

I'm glad you talked about apologies and linked to some resources. You're awesome. I'd enjoy hearing you explore apologies more deeply, specifically around the compulsion to over apologize which I'm sure is related to crap-fitting.