6 Things Fearful Avoidants Do When They Pull Away

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In today's video, Thais Gibson shares 6 things a fearful avoidant (disorganized attachment style) does when they pull away. Watch now to learn how identify these 6 signs whether you're the fearful avoidant pulling away or loved one trying to understand as Thais provides useful tips and guidance.
To learn more, explore the transformative course, "Emotional Mastery & Belief Reprogramming", for powerful tools you can begin using immediately on your journey!

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00:00:00 - Intro
00:01:19 - Deactivating
00:03:26 - Flight Response
00:04:35 - Create Distance
00:05:11 - Storytelling Rabbit hole
00:05:42 - Spite
00:07:19 - 7 Day Trial
00:08:05 - Trust Core Wounds
00:09:05 - All Or Nothing Thinking Patterns
00:10:36 - Conclusion

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Hey there! I'm Thais Gibson, and this is the channel where I teach you how to transform your life.

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Our Youtube videos give you a glimpse into this in-depth course content. Much of what you'll learn here is based on your attachment style and how that affects the relationships you have with your family, friendships, and of course, your romantic relationships.

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#PersonalDevelopmentSchool #ThaisGibson #PDS #AttachmentStyles #FearfulAvoidant #FearfulAvoidantAttachment #FearfulAvoidantCourse #DisorganizedAttachment #DisorganizedAttachmentStyle #FearfulAvoidantDeactivating #FearfulAvoidantCoreWounds #CognitiveDistortions

[Thatlili]

As an FA, when I feel hurt I'm constantly defaulting to "I'm better off alone, " "They don't care about me, " "being alone is better than this painful feeling, " "if I were alone, I wouldn't even be hurt."

[ACEM]

FA female here. Whenever I shared some vulnerable secret with my mother, she would be supportive that moment, but use those secrers later to belittle me whenever I was not upto the expected mark. This is the reason why I don't still trust my mother with secrets. When we are adults, and our partner becomes our primary caregiver, we don't trust them as well. If my partner is extremely good, I feel like this is a facade and I am scared because the same thing may happen.

[LadyMarigoldWithers]

Ditched my FA for good, best thing I did for myself. No more confusion or emotional abuse. Treating myself the way he should have treated me 💅🏻✨👋

[monavanderwaal]

its INSANE how this is literally step by step my thought patterns in my last situation; and almost every relationship ive had in general. it makes me feel so much better that im not just an alien or just batshit crazy but its actual psychology and theres a reason why im this way 🥺 thank you for everything thais

[MichaelMike]

Yep, "i can't do this anymore", "we're not compatible", "we have nothing to go on", "I need someone who adds more value", "I think I should just stay away from men" etc. My ex DA said those things.

[soleanna]

Word for word what he said during our last phone conversation. Employed every single one of those pushing away techniques. And then because I would not have any of it, he ended up switching to being mean and cruel and attack my personality and character as well as blame me for something I should have done to make him feel loved that I did not even have any idea he wanted me to do in the first place! I swear they want us to be mind readers/psychic.
Now I don’t even really know where we stand as after telling me to “leave him alone forever”, he tried to call me 3 times the next day.
I really have a hard time understanding FAs. But the push and pull dynamic is really starting to exhaust me and is making me lose feelings… And I’m AP!

Curious to know if other APs ended up losing feelings for their FAs too because of repeated criticism, fights and overall crazy volatility. I’ve worked on myself before this relationship to become more secure and I’m starting to think it’s not worth all this drama.

[RainbowBright]

Yes I felt these feelings intensely when I was deep in my FA attachment. While I've overcome my unworthy wounds, I'm still vigilant about anyone getting close to me. I don't think it's an insecure thing, I think it's just being smart. I noticed an array of physical health issues over the years from getting into unhealthy relationships anywhere from hair loss, heart palpitations, dizziness, vertigo, insomnia...I can keep going. When I am focused on myself and my peace I just look and feel better. I believe relationships should add value to your life and if they're not then it's not even a little worth it. I feel fulfilled in so many other areas of my life that I'm absolutely going to be super picky about who I let into my space.

[RoopaDudleyPaintings]

So that has been my state of mind and now that I know that it is what it is, I will calm down and chill.

[Jennyfenty-nb]

Great video, A month ago, my five-year relationship came to an end. I really can't stop thinking about the love of my life, who made the decision to leave me. I've done everything in my power to win him back, but it's all in vain, and I can't imagine my life with anyone else. I genuinely miss him and just can't stop thinking about him, even though I've tried my hardest to stop thinking about him. I'm not sure why I'm saying this here.

[GeoffreyAngapa]

It is sad, and if only we, as partners of FAs, could have known at the time how to handle these challenges. But, by the time we are here, it is often too late.

[karmenmcarthur]

Spot on how I just reacted! This is so helpful to see why!! Thank you

[luketimewalker]

Wow. Such brilliance. PDS Team, 🙏 other channels on the topic make their own subtitles, like cards in the video. Your agency & the general public would benefit in more ways than one if you did it too. First it allows ideas to sink in better - and second, well, no matter how I try, there's always some bits I simply cannot hear. Therefore I'm missing facts & articulations.

So... this really described me. That was painful - but hopefully, painful like a visit to the dentist. Thank you once more.
4 months into this whole attachment theory, initially because hurt by a DA, only to discover I'm a mix of anxious attached & fearful.
The tricky thing is - one - anyone, really - can recognize himself or herself in those um, *if I'm treated like I absolutely don't matter* => then I'm out situations.
And I do realize more and more there have been times when I have overreacted in that manner, feeling unseen, unheard, by friends even.

However there is a not so fine line between overreacting and respecting yourself - having boundaries - coping with the unbelievable disrespect and coldness of a dismissive avoidant.

Work in progress.

[Sifu_Black]

Interesting to see into the mind of an FA. My FA's behavior previous to discussing moving our friendship to a relationship all makes sense now.

[michemynx]

FA- all of the above. sometimes in the span of 20 mins.

[calumrobertson]

This is what my FA ex said to me before break up. Say she needs to be on here own. I can't be vulnerable with you anymore. Boundary was broken when boundaries weren't even discussed. I can give you my time and what you need with our schedules. Blamed me for everything. Then 5/6 weeks later was in a new relationship plastering it all over social media and put the guy up on a pedestal as if they'd been going out for years.

[dawnmichelle]

I’m right in the middle of these 6 things. It’s awful. I don’t believe my self esteem is so low though, yes I have insecurities- but it’s deeper than that. It’s Al the things that was mentioned and for all those reasons - BUT bc I’m crazy about this man.
I recognize it when it starts bubbling, it’s more the controlling and rationalizing right away. It’s such a lonely sad feeling. 😢

[dougwardle]

In a LDR with an avoidant. She says our love cannot strengthen like before because we do not talk much; have a lack of interaction. Meanwhile, we both have 24/7 access to the internet. I would talk to her every day. She NEVER comes online to have a conversation. In August, she has reached out to me with 5 words & a few emojis. If she is in a chatroom, she only speaks when spoken to & it is vague or limited. Sometimes leaving the room without even a 'bye.' I have not bothered to reach out for over a week.

[SummitMan]

Very good episode ! I can see myself into many of theses situations !

[neverstopgrowing]

Amazing video as always Thais. And unrelated to the topic but the color of that top suits you so well!

[samana]

What are we supposed to do when they pull away, get really angry and claim that "you never loved me", because I had asked her to pay her share for nonrefundable flights that I had to cancel after she broke up? I clarified my boundary: "I still love you as a person but relationship love is out of the window when you broke up with me. I'm not going to pay for your childish behaviors". How bad was what I said?