6 triggers of the fearful avoidant attachment style (with examples!)

Having a fearful avoidant attachment style could mean you get triggered a lot. Which is superconfusing and frustrating if you don’t know what’s happening. That’s why, in this video, we go over 6 common triggers for Fearful Avoidants that aren’t very obvious!

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WHAT IS FEARFUL AVOIDANT ATTACHMENT STYLE?

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6 LESSER KNOWN CAUSES OF FEARFUL AVOIDANT ATTACHMENT STYLE

[jimmysroom]

"triggered when thinking about the future and them possibly not being the one, preemptively ending the connection" wow. This. omg.

[erineef]

At the risk of getting something wrong 😜, here are the 6 triggers for reference:
1. The feeling of being dumb, incapable, or irresponsible
2. Feeling vulnerable or weak, physically and mentally
3. A moment of connection or deep relaxation
4. The possibility of hurting someone or someone’s feelings coupled with thinking about uncertainty in the future of a relationship
5. Fear of doing or having done something wrong
6. Other people being angry

WATCH THE VIDEO, STILL!!! The beauty of this video is in the details and examples!

[KarieMillspaughInspiredTV]

To all FAs. Get the therapy and help that you deserve - do whatever it takes to get healed because there are people out there that want to love you without the constant roller coaster ride of emotions … I miss my last BF but not the constant drama and heartache of never knowing what trigger I stepped on … it’s impossible to live a calm loving life when you’re always afraid that you might step on a past wound 24/7 😢😢😢

[ZNIR]

Even though this was an old video, I've never felt more understood. It's not just buzzwords or surface-level explanation you see all the time. I'm so glad I found your channel.

[Autie]

The oversharing when experiencing vulnerability is so on point! I find I do the same thing and then retreat like a big old weirdo. I hate that icky feeling of knowing I said too much. The worst! I never realized it was a symptom of my FA style. Thank you, love your content, been learning a lot about attachment styles and you have a unique approach.❤️👍

[jimhayhurst]

Looking dumb, needing certainty, doing something wrong, and other people being angry are my biggest triggers. This will help.

[hweinheimer]

4 is what hit me the hardest. I wanted to know that she was the one, that we wouldn't get 4 years into it and one of us hurt the other. I doubted my feelings, I over analyzed everything, but most importantly I didnt tell her anything. I didnt work together on it. And I pushed her away, and now that I see what I was doing I've lost her. I wish I found this video before :/

[renatalopes]

I wasn't aware of the number 1 but I totally can see myself deactivating on this. It is like I have to be perfect to be loved.

[alexandrahernandez]

I definitely resonated with your story of over sharing and feeling icky and so sick afterwards. I’ve done that to a friend I haven’t seen in awhile, and a tutor that I met for the first time. I have not returned to tutoring since 😂 and the part about feeling afraid of the future with a partner. I feel so not alone to know this is normal for fearful avoidants.

[Taratreehugger]

This video is really bringing home how EVERY SINGLE PART of my life is a minefield of triggers. It’s so exhausting and frustrating and right now I feel so angry and hopeless about it.

[rowanstarling]

I just learned my Attachment style about a week ago. Since then I've been reading and binge watching as much as I can, because my entire life I thought my weird reaction to being 'triggered' was because I hate conflict, lowself worth, childhood and relationship trauma, c-ptsd, etc. Yes, I see, it is all that and more. Some people talking about these styles skip the Fearful Avoidant altogether. Or they are so wordy analytical, and its like, omg, FA should avoid relationships at all costs because their wounds are too tainting, and they put their wounds above everyone else. Ugh! I'm an HSP, loving, kind, compassionate, love to research, improve myself, and grow. I am not my wounds or attachment style 24/7, only when I'm triggered hard. I'm in that crash state right now, and thank God I found out about my style and can do something about it. You have explained things in a way that speaks to me, and I appreciate it, so very much. Edit: omg, i had no idea about these triggers, but number 1 for sure. I would like to add one more to this list, partner asking for a break, not giving a time frame. Necessary or not, it crashed me hard.

[Mandy]

Two triggers of mine are: perceiving the threat of being left + feeling relaxed and stable

[thereseseljevold]

I can relate to all of these. Getting flashbacks to so many situations with these triggers. I handle triggers by pulling away and people pleasing.

[deepikabhalla]

I feel heard today. Watching this at 6:30 in the morning because my mind won't simply let me sleep. Thanks for sharing all this ❤️

[abundantlife]

You don’t even know what a godsend you have been to me these past three days since I found your channel the day of a breakup. I knew something what wrong with me because I kept seeing patterns in myself but didn’t know how to fix it. You’ve given me so much hope that I can heal myself.

[Dlock]

I was of in a relationship with a woman who reacts/behaves in everything you said. Right from #1 she's said to me "I fell like you think I'm dumb" when its the complete opposite, i think she's incredibly intelligent and tell her so all the time. Ever time we start to connect deeply she pushes away. The anger part, so many times ive just been sitting there watching tv/reading something and she reacts like I'm angry and im sitting there going "What just happened? What did i miss?" It's like you made a video describing her.

[ianmeli]

Feeling dumb incapable or irresponsible.
Feeling vulnerable or (mainly) weak.
Hurting someone’s feelings in the future if I decide they are not the one.

This video was amazing. I can’t believe the very straightforward way that you presented these simple but super powerful revelations. SO helpful. Thank you

[lifeisbeautiful]

You digged deep into traumas I never knew they existed before !
Thanks for helping us make the subconscious Conscious 💚

[djenning]

I totally have the “I am dumb” core wound/trigger… it appears with my partner just as you said it… you are spot on!

[jillianbetts]

1:16 This is the exact reason I am here. I fell down the anxious thoughts rabbit hole.

Edit: Holy cow ... Almost all of these triggers have happened to me today ALONE!! It ended up with me locking myself in the closet and quietly sobbing and thinking "this is what dumb, ugly, fat 12 year old me did. And here I am almost a decade later, still the same but only my age changed." I cried for a good 30 minutes then just shut down for another hour before asking my partner to hold me and tell me everything is/will be ok.