Navigating avoidant attachment in narcissistic relationships

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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.

THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.

[JB-jsir]

This helps so much. This is my mom. I’m not entitled to have any feelings about anything, a very demented woman with an army of flying monkeys or other useful idiots. No, I will not be celebrating her 90 birthday with any of them. I have complete confidence they will make up whatever to suit their hateful agenda… thanks for allowing this wee rant, I appreciate you

[beckyterry]

I think being in a narcissistic relationship can cause an avoidant detachment style

[youngblood]

Commitment isn't scary. Wasting years of my life, with the a narcissistic nut job, is.

[ericablaschke]

When faced with intense emotions my mother would walk away. I hate her her not ever being there for me stonewalling dismissing me, gaslighting. She is more of a child more than a mother

[Ben-ruju]

I’m a disorganized attachment leaning dismissive avoidant. I found the lovebombing of narcissists uncomfortable. My lack of reaction was triggering to narcissists. Although I had no idea what narcissism even was at the time, I do think it protected me. I wasn’t as easy to manipulate. It’s interesting to realize the dynamic now.

[costelloandlizzievolk]

I fear I am a bit like this, because I had parents who could be so dismissive and judgemental of any normal human emotions. I had to suck it up and survive so much on my own sometimes it was super unhealthy emotionally for me. Learning to manage and acknowledge my emotions in a healthy way. Thank you ❤

[RtWolfenbarker]

I have an avoidant attachment towards relationships but I’m very present and into navigating emotions with my son.
My avoidant disorder is because I was abused and I have a fear of intimacy. So I did cut that out to feel safe- but my son & I are super close. And I’m fine with that. I left my ex husband because he tried to murder me when I was pregnant. And that was three years ago and I’ve not had a proper relationship my entire life I don’t think. We met when I was 11, and he made me feel safe- and my parents- my dad beat the crap out of my sister and I and my mother did nothing about it. I watched my sister get into horrible relationships, and fall into the same thing our mother did. I had one- and now I’m scared because of what I’ve gone through and watched the women around me go through.

[LoveTruth]

Thanks SO much, Dr. Ramani, we REALLY need you out here ! I spent 28 years, so far, with someone like this (still can't get away, fully). Could never understand WHY NOTHING ever got resolved in arguments. Thank you for all you do ! You are helping SO many people. Much Love & Blessings to you ! 🙏🏼❤

[britta]

Describes me and my upbringing. ... and why I seemed so "ok" with a vulnerable narc. He'd be controlling, pushy, P-A, and I'd detach, perservere, keep my unhappiness to myself. In the beginning, I tried not being so independent, leaning in for emotional support, but I learned that support only lasts so long (i.e. lovebombing stage). Learning these styles has made me realize what I need to work on with myself. Hopefully I can fix my broken picker. TY!

[ryanaedmonds]

I have become more and more avoidant over the course of my relationship with my covert wife. Truth is, I was probably somewhat avoidant to begin with, but those behaviours have become more and more ingrained and reinforced over the course of our relationship. Any emotion I expressed was met with dismissal and often outright mockery. Nothing I ever said was kept in confidence but was instead shared with everyone I or we knew together. Over the years I came to learn that she just wasn't a safe person to share with. Then she had an affair and blamed it all on me and my emotional unavailability which, to be fair, is not entirely wrong. But, how can I be emotionally available when she simply isn't a safe person with whom to share?

[wendyclark]

So Spot On, as always! And I want to say too, Dr. Ramani, your pink top...you glow in it. Beautiful!

[CJbrieflittlecandle]

I had one avoidant parent and one anxious. I think I might have been anxious when I first got married to my grandiose avoidant narc but 15 years later I could feel myself becoming avoidant. I couldn’t fight the battles anymore plus someone who’s opinion I respect told me he would never treat me with respect and that was a real eye opener. I thought with both of us being avoidant maybe we could stick it out but after the kids were gone he started slutting it up. At that point it felt like a no brainer to file for divorce. It didn’t even hurt that bad. But now I don’t think I could ever trust enough or want to compromise again to be in another relationship. I think I’m avoiding human connection like the plague. And it just feels right. So … created avoidant who’s never going back I guess 🤷‍♀️

[NS]

I do believe I was anxious but my hubs used that for many years so I detached. Then of course the cycle of approach avoidance. I’ve told him you can only kick someone so many times until they stop coming back or be careful when you take everything from someone and they feel they have nothing left to lose, then you lose your power.

[Stellaluna]

I seem to recall having anxiety and dismissive avoidant attachment at the same time during my youth. It continued into my adult years and made me gravitate toward narcissistic people. I was worried about everything, but reserved in my romantic relationships.

[elle_sanchez]

A fear of mine is that I didn’t show enough emotion to my children. As a child myself, I didn’t receive hugs, kisses or even I love you’s from my mom, dad was completely out of the picture. I will say that I always knew my mom loved me but didn’t express it. At 9 I went to live with my grandmother as my mother was married to an abusive man and didn’t want him to start abusing me. When I went to live with my grandmother, it was the same thing. I knew she loved me but she didn’t express it. So the cycle continued on to my children and I feel very regretful that, that has maybe messed them up in some way when it comes to relationships. Now that I am older I do let my children know I love them and do hug them and let them know I’m proud of them. But as I recall I felt very uncomfortable doing that when they were younger. I’m still not a very touchy feely person, I probably never will be but I wonder if this is my attachment style as well.
Thanks for your content and providing a platform where we can vent with others that may be able to relate and know they are not alone.

[lilifreechannel]

My ex is an avoidant, he gets put off by whatever he considers weakness and has been an absolute dismissive ass*** when i've been in an emotional state in his presence, he acts like a sociopath, no emotions, no expression, no shame for things he should be shameful of and shame for things he shouldn't. He easily breaks up with his partners when fun is over and expectations raise. However, there was 1 of his ex who broke up with him and left most likely unexpectedly; he got a break down and went into therapy for like a year or more. His wife left him too for another man because she was being neglected by him and he didn't care. So i think is the unexpected break up coming from a partner that he isn't ready yet to discard.
He is careless, grandiose, never cries even when his parents died, not affectionate, incapable of saying kind words or call partners loving names, gets over his partners very quickly yet, that one person, really hurt his ego as he prides himself in always being the one who breaks up with all his partners, because of course no one is ever good enough.

[chicanaa]

After I discard the narc I started dating 2 years later. I was always looking out for narcissistic red flags but wasn’t aware of the other type of partners. I ended up falling for avoidant personality partners. 🤦🏻‍♀️ Those relationships didn’t last long, thank God.

[freebe]

I think I fit the description of a dismissive avoidant. I tend to steer clear of romantic relationships in general, and throughout my dating history, serious relationships have been few and rather far apart. I've encountered just two relationships where I suspected my partners of being, at the very least narcissistic, featuring constant verbal abuse, cruel putdowns, cutting comments and controlling behavior. These were extremely uncomfortable and distressing, until the other person initiated the on/off, push and pull thing, during which time I regained some sence of equilibrium. By the time he came back to resume the whole devaluing and humiliation stuff I was out the game, he was on his own. No amount of apologizing and begging could convince me to go back. afterwards.

[DiamondEyez]

Thank you for this..Not only is it my family but I also just realized a friend who tried to end her life a few years ago is like this as well. Spent years crying about her and if she is ok. Apparently, I am too intense and I may be..yet one thing I do know is that I always wanted to make sure she never felt alone esp. after she did ECT, which is rare these days they do it & she lost some sight in her eye due to medication (she had told me). I am glad she finally was honest b/c it frees me from having to care that intensely and focus in on myself and creating other connections as well as focusing in on my new career (that is super intense). I feel she is shut down and well there is nothing I can do about it or desire to, she feels it seems to work for her, then that is ok, she can live how she needs fit for her (she lives in a group home so I guess she is surrounded by what she needs in order to survive for the life she needs in order to live). It's freeing knowing now, and I think not just for me yet for the both of us. No harm at all, it's actually appreciated on my end.

[karlasilis-cruz]

I found this video so helpful! It sounds alot like my mother! If i show any emotions or vulnerability she immediately rejects me and distance herself from me! Thats how it was like growing up with her! It has always been like this! Im just grateful that i found this Youtube videos because im learning alot about narcissism! And i also realized i have alot of narcissism in my family and friends!