How To Be MORE Assertive | Standing Up For Yourself Without Being A Jerk

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Alpha says it's a reality check time-- live is tough and only the assertive will survive. We treat people how to treat us. Don't be a push over and make sure to stand up for yourself.
In this video men's style, grooming, fitness and lifestyle expert, Aaron Marino of IAmAlphaM, AaronMarino, and Pete & Pedro discusses how he grew up from a boy to a young man who couldn't stick up for himself. He associated confrontation with bad things. With each small victory of assertiveness, Alpha's confidence grew.

Assertive is defined as aggressively self assured. To realize your full potential you have to be assertive. Assertiveness grows from the following:

1. confidence

2. speaking up (find your voice)

3. having positive confrontations

[dantegoat]

i'm so happy i grew up as an agressive kid who always stood up for myself with anything i could, insults, shouts, anything, i hope more people start being agressive and stand up for themselves

[RedWolfDrift]

Man you really struck a sensitive spot with me on this one. I've been dealing with this my ENTIRE life, and i'm 32 now. thanks Aaron for all of the inspiring videos. They've really helped more than you know

[anishelali]

Thank you Alpha M that means a lot to a depressed 17 years old Teen

[rssmasher]

Plankton: "Spongebob, you gotta be assertive!"
Spongebob: beep beep
Plankton: "Not insertive!"

[CharliMill]

Dude thank you. I could not agree more. I'm 31 and have spent my entire life trying not to rock the boat and it makes me a total walkover and miserable. I hate it but it's just so hard it's like I think the world will end if I stand up for myself. My problem is I associate assertiveness with rudeness and find it hard to differentiate. It's a real life long problem I need to get the hell over.

[christianlemus]

I think this is one of his best videos, anyone else agree?

[PengiChyan]

I have a little story to tell. Thanks to me not being assertive it has literally erased me from existence. I have stopped posting on social media, I have stopped speaking up in class, I have stopped going out. I have stopped trying ot dress up and just cover myself with sunglasses and beanies. now I am over that phase. I am ready to finally be confident and assertive.

[d]

This feels like one of the most "honest" videos. Like if Alpha actually just wanted to help people (which is likely to be the case). There isn't even a smooth transition to promotion, because there is just isn't any promotion. Thank you

[TheSuperMerc]

1) Be a Certified G
2) Be a Bonafied Stud

Bada Boom. How you doin'?

[Jabbawokeez]

Excellent video. A man, who is a true man, must be confident and stand up for himself.

[floridawildin]

see my problem is i just get ANGRY and it's hard for me to keep a cool head during confrontation. So I have absolutely no problem standing up for myself but I can alienate others if I'm not careful.

[thefutureA]

To know that Alpha M, probably one of the most confident and suave guys I know online was once unconfident but learned is inspiring.

I have come to the realization recently that I try to please people way too much and need to truly develop my confidence in who I am and become more assertive.

Thank you Alpha M for being that influence! You are one of my favorite channels on YouTube and this has gotta be one of my favorite videos

[yavi]

thank you. I need this since I am passive and now becoming more aggressive to others and to myself. I WANT TO BECOME ASSERTIVE .

[PearlTheGirl]

I'm a middle child and nobody listens to me. I'm to naive, forgotten, quiet, and now I'm fed up with people's attitude and I'm going to fix the problem. Wish me luck!

[BeautyByAnneMarie]

Great advice!!! I'm sharing this with my kids...thank you! xo

[cancanthehandyman]

Yo alpha I just wanted to say I've been going through some of my darkest days... watching your videos always brings a smile to my face and always cheers me up. You're like an internet badass dad to most of us guys, keep up the good work man. Much love from the UK.

[pavlinatenekedzhieva]

This video is so helpful, I m on that stage of life and it`s hard....but i am sure it`s worth it

[mbradley]

Believe it or not, a lot of men with anger management issues struggle with assertiveness. Many of us want to be the bigger person in a lot of situations that annoy us. Over time the tension builds and we eventually explode, leaving the other party stunned in disbelief because they didn't know we were put off in the first place.

People also confuse assertiveness and aggression. Being assertive is about firmly communicating your expectations. You can be assertive while also being polite and respectful. Being aggressive isn't taking your turn at a 4 way stop; it's that driver who swerves at you when you haven't made room in your lane fast enough when he wants to move over. In situations of conflict, identify your concerns right away. Don't avoid conflict and let the situation get out of control. Let the other party know what your expectations are as soon as possible and be willing to compromise if they are. Great video, once again Alpha!

[Ellwoodsss]

This video just triggered a major breakthrough for me. I really don't care if anyone reads this or not I just need to get it out there, I don't want to keep it to myself. I'm 33 years old and for all my life Ive been intelligent, funny, reliable ect. but asserertivness or lack thereof has always plagued me. Background: My parents divorced when I was 5. Fortunatly (if there is such a thing that comes with divorce) their divorce was amicable. Myself and my sister never had to endure our parents fighting or talking down about the other to us. All that aside, divorce has horrendous effects on the children involved no matter what. We are very fortunate to have loving parents.
I have been really working on myself and the issues I have over the last year and a half(thanks to the Lobster king if you know who I mean). I've been really trying to figure out why I don't stand up for myself but have no issues standing up for others most of the time. I avoid confrontation. I don't want to rock the boat. I don't want anyone mad at me because I stood up for my needs which would cause them any sort of disruption sadness or whatever it may be. I work part time at a homeless veterans house( I am an Iraq vet myself). Long story short I had to discharge a veteran last night due to repeated drug use. I had major anxiety when I had to confront him. I was shaking as I was talking to him. It was horrible. I rarely if ever have that kind of anxiety. I have realized I really need to work on this problem. It not only effects my ability to do my job but it has effected me most of my life. I can think of so many situations I just went along with what someone else wanted because I didn't want to rock the boat.
Today I find this video. About one minute into it a memory from when I was 12 came flooding back to me. Ive thought about this memory from time to time but this time was different.
When I was about 7, I asked my mother if I could go live with my Dad. This question I'm sure caught her off guard and she told me dismissively "when you're 12 you can". She eventually forgot about the situation. I didn't. A little while after I turned 12 I reminded her about it. She was fairly upset but tried not to show it. She decided to schedule an appointment with a psychologist friend of hers. So we both went to the appointment together at her friends residence. I remember feeling very awkward like I had done something wrong but I wasn't in trouble. If I remember correctly the Dr. talked to us together briefly then took my mother into her office alone. I don't remember how long she was in there but I vividly remember her coming out of the office in tears drying her eyes. I felt terrible. Like I had crushed my mothers heart. I wished I had never brought it up. I had been looking forward to turning 12 and living with my father since I was a small boy. I needed my father. I needed to learn how to be a man and had a biological need to do so. A step father is no supplement in every single circumstance. Children need their father. Their actual father. I don't care if their actual father is a scumbag and the stepfather is a saint, children need their actual father. A step father will never ever ever replace their father. Now I wished I had never asked for what I wanted.. I was flooded with shame and regret. It was my turn to go into the office. I don't remember much but I remember keeping my answers as short as possible so I could just get the FUCK out of there. I never stood up for myself like that again.
This video has changed my life. If you made it this far into reading, thank you for taking the time. I can finally become a better me.

[Dizanta]

Thank you so much for this. I have always been either aggressive or passive. Both haven't benefited me in any way. Aggressive=people hate you. Passive=people take advantage of you. I just recently learned what this word means and here you are right on time with your video for me to take action. Thanks