How to Communicate Assertively 4 Tips

free-resources

The video look as the following:
- Passive communication
- Aggressive communication
- Assertive communication
- Passive-aggressive communication

And, it gives four key tips to communicate more assertively.

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Communication Coach, this channel, helps rising leaders like you increase your impact and lead your teams with more excellence. The channel focuses on communication skills for leaders, presentation skills, group and team skills, and conversation skills. If you're looking for self-paced communication skills training, this is the channel for you.

00:00 Introduction
00:25 Assertive Comm vs Others Types
04:06 Assertive Comm Tips

[stephaniepiazzese]

I searched out videos out of sheer desperation tonight. Yours is the best I’ve heard so I subscribed.
All my life, I’ve been quiet, , partly out of lack of speaking skills, partly ( and mostly) out of fear of others reactions. My Dad was explosive, and we were scared to death of his outburst. My beautiful Mom, was submissive and frightened. I’m now JUST LIKE MY Mom. I’m 71, and finding life harder than ever, and ppl run all over me. Nothing I say or do is respected or “ heard”. So I’m approaching this prayerfully but determined to change. It’s so overwhelming now it’s affecting my health.

[privateaccount]

Here’s my conundrum. While I have gotten a lot better at arguing, in the past it has been SO easy to shut me down if I tried to assert anything. I’ve noticed people throughout my life who didn’t have any trouble with asserting their needs are good communicators. They also seem to be able to come up with things that would never cross my mind no matter how hard I thought about something. You get beat down all your life or are at a loss for words when it’s most needed just makes it hard to be assertive.

[ThBigBoy]

I recognize that sometimes I try to speak through others. I'm going to really try to defeat that instinct and attempt to focus more on being assertive, no matter how painful it is.

[susanmeadors]

I recently realized I am passive/aggressive with people who are very emotionally reactive. I grew up in a emotionally volatile home….so I tend to avoid conflict with those types of people.
That phrase will help me. Thank you!!

[alphamegaradio]

Alex, this is GOLD. Thank you. The bit about "patiently listening" hit home with me. While I do try to wait and let others finish before I speak again, that urge to "jump in and react" is very real, especially in times of conflict or heated debate. I would rate myself as Assertive, but in the past, I would've definitely communicated in a passive-aggressive way, as I used to struggle with putting my true thoughts and feelings into words that had sticking power. God Bless, brother!

[lenaely]

I'm a naturally assertive communicator 👍
These tips are my natural style and I agree:

It's best to listen patiently, be direct without being aggressive and communicate your interests.

[linsychilling]

1 Make sure you are calm and under control before starting the conversation
2 Say what needs to be said as directly and respectfully as possible
3 Use " I " language (not "you " language)
4 Be a good listenner

[falishatucker]

It took until this year that I had to learn how communicate better and set my boundaries. I am passive aggressive and Impulsive at times which I release that it destroys a lot of my relationship and how to communicate with others. So at this age I’m practicing in on how to learn on becoming a better communicating and better person. 🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾

[richardbicycle]

This was was more helpful than I expected, especially your point about giving someone "two jobs" by using an unhelpful style. I noticed I used to be very passive aggressive, but in the last few years my confidence shot up and it's like I overshot the mark into more aggressive (at least initially if emotions are higher). It seemed positive and not aggressive mostly because I had been so used to the other extreme. Good points here, thanks!

[aliyahcreations]

I'm here because I woke regretting not speaking up for myself, over and over...

[davidr]

Good video. I would add the following critical points.
1. Try to agree and find some common ground with your opponent. If you disagree with everything said others will hate you.
2. Debate the points and rather than destroy the credibility of your opponent. The only exception is if someone claims to be an expert witness.
3. Try to smile and be pleasant. Have strong data to support your points.
4. Get small admissions from your opponent to lead them to a point when they can no longer refute your point. Like a chess master, think of your points many moves out.
5. If not supportive to your position, rather than directly answering your opponents questions instead make statements to weaken your opponents claims or strengthen yours.

[nareshgoty]

It’s a eye opener for me. Thanks for clearly eliciting most overlooked mistakes we make (I make 😊) when having conversations at work or in personal life.

[joanward]

Thank you Alex, I am a mix of passive and assertive. Passive to avoid conflict but when I am passionate and knowledgeable about something I become more assertive. Thanks for the tips. I will definitely use them.

[kenetinuade]

I recognize now that I've been doing quite a bit of passive-aggressive communication! But those tips on assertive communication are waow! I'll have to listen several times more and practice consistently to replace the old. Many thanks Alex and kudos for a really great video!

[darlafitzpatrick]

Such great points. I went into a recent work conversation expecting to get emotional because I'm very conflict-avoidant, and in previous jobs I had encountered superiors who didn't want to hear what I had to say, after which I got choked up. I think that feeling of being dismissed and powerless led to those stereotypically "female" emotions (ugh) coming out, which always felt like self-sabotage in these kinds of conversations. But, in my recent situation I shared my concerns in writing beforehand, using "I" language and being as respectful and understanding of the background situation as I could (thanks to years of prior communications and conflict-resolution training). My manager read my concerns and immediately set up a meeting to discuss in person. This is where I expected the tears to come pouring out involuntarily as they had in the past, but -- No! It went very well. They said I had made some very good points and they wanted me to be satisfied with my role because of the value I bring to the organization, and they laid out some steps to resolve the underlying situation. No tears, only smiles and candid discussion. Having a good manager / good listener on the other side seems to be as important as the way you frame your concerns.

[EllenSmyth]

Wow, under this definition, I fear I may fall into the passive-aggressive category far more often than I'd like. I definitely want to become more of the assertive communicator when it comes to difficult situations, and I'm hopeful I'm moving in that direction.

I love what you said about control. A friend of mine whose marriage is struggling said that we shouldn't go into marriage expecting the other to change, to which I wholeheartedly agreed, but then he said that we cannot really change ourselves. I eventually stopped him and clarified that I disagreed on that point because I am the only person I can change, and I can definitely change myself.

[michele]

I notice that at times I use submissive and passive aggressive communication. I'm trying to practice assertive communication by being less impulsive and more refined with my expressions. Your videos are helping me learn. You model clear, concise and confident communication in how you present this information. Thank you

[anthonyrossmaund]

Great show today, thank you! I've learned a lot here and made some improvements in my speaking. I have had many problems being essertive and it used to get me in trouble because by the time I got to being essertive I'd be upset and would start to be overwhelmed and say things that didn't make me look very good. I'm working on this all the time and am making improvements.

[throughjoshuaseyes]

Passive aggresive. I always admire people who can pause and think before stating their opinions without being too controlling or pushy

[amoc]

I used to be passive aggressive communicator without awareness, I intended to avoid and minimise the conflicts. However as I learned from this lesson, if one doesn't let their expression out in an assertive way, the true feeling underneath the behaviour will hardly be seen. I also learned the importance of using "I" language which needs not only lots of self-awareness but practice! Thanks for this precious lesson, it surely helps out people who want to have a communication skill, the most importantly, with the clear and geniune conversation, it helps the world become a more peaceful world.