How I Learned to Be More Assertive and STOPPED Being a PUSHOVER

I've been asked many times how I learned to bee more assertive so I decide to create a video describing my journey. It's not easy to become more assertive, especially when you're coming from a passive style of communication like I did. But there are some strategies and mindset shifts that do make it easier. Believe me, I was probably THE most passive communicator around. But I learned how to overcome that and communicate assertively when I needed to and when I wanted to.

Assertive communication is a skill that you can absolutely master. It will take time, but it is possible. And when you do master it, you will absolutely see a dramatic change in your life and in your relationships with others. You will feel way more in control of your life. You will no longer feel like a pushover. You will feel empowered! And that is the result you can expect when you learn to become more assertive.

This video is for all of those out there who want to be more assertive and stand up for themselves but have difficult in doin it. If I can do it, you can too! Watch this video to learn the struggles, challenges and rewards I saw. Let's become more assertive together!

Timestamps:
00:00 How I learned to be more assertive
00:58 What pushed me to become more assertive?
02:14 What I was doing wrong.
02:37 What I did first.
03:01 What I was doing wrong.
06:17 How I set boundaries
08:17 Saying "no" is really uncomfortable.
10:18 Moving from passive communication.
13:17 Making sure my body language was assertive.
14:40 Yes, it's ok to be assertive.
16:38 It's easy to revert back to being passive.
18:42 The power of writing and practicing assertive conversations.
19:25 What happened when I started to be more assertive?

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[glowwithjade]

Being a push over diminishes your character as a person. I started my assertive journey and I’m loosing relationships, yet I do feel more peaceful. This is inspiring me to continue what I have been doing :)

[geronimotuanquin]

Assertiveness prevents being bullied in life. Great advice you shared.

[laaika]

I really liked what you said "you are tired of being invisible. you wanne be valued. you want people to recognise you" and "I knew that if I wanted to be treated differently I needed to set new boundaries". Honestly i thought it was other people's fault that i was not value but i was not valued because i did not value myself and did not demand to be valued. I wish ofcourse that people should value others not matter how much self worth they have but they generally don't!!! If you do not respect yourself they do not respect you that much unfortunately you have to claim that. Life is a struggle...

[kararonin]

Are you a passive communicator? Do you think assertiveness can help you too?

[gelilaabebe]

Dear Kara, It is like you are describing exactly what I am going through... can't thank you enough!

[rrahulg]

Amazing you! I hope to implement some of these assertiveness in my communication skills. Thank you!

[glowwithjade]

Your experience describes me exactly wow your story is amazing !!!

[jayen]

I can't tell you how thankful I am for this video! Thank you so much Kara

[loudrimshot]

This was great. The next step is to role play assertive scenarios.

[ruthgarcia-andrade]

Excellent video! I love all the videos you have. Thanks for sharing.

[faisalabbas]

Good to be assertive do the work in the right way or in a proper direction even you are pressurise by certain people if you are doing job under a heavy pressure or under some type worries then you could not able to do focus on that so first of all you have to set your boundaries then make sure your work is neither tough not easy for you and when you are busy in your work always focus on your goal after setting the boundaries of you try to do all task even it is out of your boundaries the you could not do the task even your own so be passionate and do the work in a good way .

[louisamotloung]

Im able to communicate my ideas freely assertively

[andyk]

This is such a helpful video. Can you recommend and books to learn More of these strategies? Also, what do you do when you are assertive but others also are being assertive and both opinions are reasonable options? How to assertively give way to others wants or opinions?
Like you want Chinese and they want Italian?

[robertoreynaga]

I want to thank you whit all my ♥️ for be like you R !

[lilabukvic]

Bravo. But I always think that my super obsessiv ego self need controll.
But you describe right situation..
I understand what do you mean.
When you says "This people" them är only our mirror and reflect us self or unconscious part of us.
So yes good to know that everything is inside myself to work by.

❤

[sKids]

Love the topics you cover.. So relevant..

[richardye]

Thank you Kara for valuable tips. Do you have any suggestion on how to practice the assertiveness?

[johnrainsman]

My boss: "John, I _don't_ think you can work the coffee service by yourself. I told you _not_ to sign up for shifts by yourself. You need someone there to guide you and give you instructions. I don't know how much clearer I can be about that."

Hypothetical/assertive responses I _should_ have given:

1. [mellow voice] "Well, [boss], don't you think if you say something like that, you might as well just tell me I'm inept and unintelligent?"
2. "My family always taught me to believe in my abilities and be self-confident."
3. "Well, if we keep me in a cage based on _assumptions_ about my skills, we can't discover my potential."
4. [calm, factual voice] "You know, if I said something like that to a person with a learning disability, they would think I was superficial, hurtful, and belittling."

Thoughts on each response?

[mohibquadri]

Extraordinary tips ⭐
Kara as an online design entrepreneur how to convince/get potential clients by using linked in to trust us with a portfolio as beginner & work with us for projects in a competitive market where many experienced people are available in abundance to get those deals ? How to set us apart from that crowd or make the competition irrelevant..

[donnaviggiano]

I would love to see your body language video