Learn to Be ASSERTIVE with a STRONG PERSONALITY | Tips to Effectively Communication with Others

#mentalhealth #stephanielyncoaching #narcissisticabuse #emotionalabuse #selflove

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Stephanie

[RedRooster]

speaking slowly seriously make a difference.... I was told by an old Army dog, "When you speak fast it because you don't think what you have to say is important. Slow down....because it is." I felt that.

[johnlovesbridge]

I'm learning to NOT CARE about the negative reaction that may occur for standing up for myself. They don't care about backing me into a corner.

[lightinthedusk]

What's stopping us from asserting and expressing ourselves? Usually it's because during our childhood, we had parents who did not encourage us to express or assert ourselves. In fact, they may have actively forced us to suppress our own opinions by being domineering or controlling parents. Often, these parents may have narcissistic traits themselves and don't realise their child is an individual with his/her own opinions, thoughts, desires, dreams. The parent sees the child as only an extension of themselves. So they think only they know what is best for the child. They don't allow the child to blossom. They don't encourage the child to speak up for themselves, they neglect and ignore their child's emotional needs and wants, and dreams. Instead they just mould the child into whatever the parent would like them to be - which is usually an obedient, compliant, good child who does not dare speak up against the parent. They force the child to suppress his/her real self and become this suffocated version of themselves! So then when the child grows into an adult, they literally have no skills for expressing and asserting themselves. They were never taught by their parents to stand up for themselves, express themselves freely to others, or how to approach confrontation. All they were taught were to people please, place the needs of others before their own, be overly cooperative and considerate and accomodating to others, to avoid conflict at all costs. So the child, now an adult, basically just has no idea HOW they can break out of this programming. In many cases they don't even realise that they are like this, or why they are like this. They just seem to naturally always fall into the role of a good-natured, people pleasing listener who tiptoes around other people, trying to not cause conflict. They don't know why bullies and manipulative people keep targeting them. Even if they do acknowledge that they have problems being assertive, they don't know HOW to go about developing those skills (that normal healthy people normally would have developed from being taught or shown such behaviours by their parents during their healthy childhoods).

[starstop]

Thank you! I was taught to be nice no matter what- this has made me a kind person with terrible boundaries. Working on it!!

[beckyqueen]

✓some people fear standing up for themselves because of a lack of self-esteem. They fear being assertive will make them seem bitchy.
✓u are always teaching people how to treat you.
✓if u don't know how to set boundaries, you are always gonna attract manipulative people, abusive people, people who are going to use you, arrogant people. Emotionally abusive people can smell weak people.
✓Know your boundaries. Know your standards. Know when someone is trying to manipulate you. When you feel like you are being taken advantage of, you are being taken advantage of.
✓Any abusive person can smell fear. So, practice speaking with confidence. Don't show people you are fearful inside.
✓Be ok with saying "No, I can't do that."
✓You are worthy to tell someone: "this isn't okay."

[beccanertia]

Yes, being too passive is a magnet for abuse, so true!

[sherryab]

Wow I use the pretending to be someone else tactic and it works ! I visualize that I’m an actress in a movie and I’m filming a scene. In the scene, I’m self confident, assertive and picking up for myself. It usually comes naturally and allows me detach from emotions of nervousness and insecurity.

[beeznest]

I have a few co-workers who stomp allover my boundaries and it's partly my fault because I allow them. Starting Monday, this is going to change

I used to avoid being assertive in my relationship because I am from an Asian background and was always told to be obedient and agreeable. As a result, my boundaries were blurred and OVERSTEPPED too many times and each time to a different height. I have had enough now this is why I am here. I'm embarking on a new me

[marilynmarcelli]

I learned that they also go after people who have qualities that they want, that they don't have and it's jealousy, not necessarily weak or hurt individuals.

[kaybelletv]

I was not an assertive child. But I am an assertive adult & I love it here! 🥳

[maciebrown]

With strong personalities that won't take "no" for an answer or have an obsession with being right, I tend to subconsciously avoid them cause they were always out to pick a fight, even if it's pointless. On bad days, I avoid these types of people cause I knew I wouldn't have the patience to debate with them. They'd make mountains out of mole hills.

[breakthroughmoment]

Love the shark analogy. They smell blood, like people "smell" fear. I can't explain this enough to my psychologist who just sits there and says: "So, you think everybody's out to harm you." Well, maybe, not EVERYBODY, but if you look meek or timid, even the nicest person will disrespect you because of the way you present yourself. Bullies just take it to the next level. Thanks! Excellent video.

[jimrich]

In therapy i often heard DON'T BLAME YOUR PARENTS..THEY DID THE BEST THEY COULD!!! I dont BLAME my parents BUT they absoluteky trained me to be a frightened little DOORMAT so i finally entered 12 step, group therapy, years ago & learned how they CRIPPLED me & then how to OVERCOME the damage. Im 86 now & still trying to undo the emotional DAMAGES my parents & others did TO ME! Knowing that they were also damaged by their own DAMAGED parents doesn't help. Finally finding self respect & acceptance has helped the most! I'm much happier & carry way less SELF CONTEMPT now than what my parents left me with so, i see hope for OVERCOMING a rotten chilhood
I have no kids to pass on the family SICKNESS to...thank god!!
THAKS 4 YOUR HONESTY!!!

[jw]

You are a gifted teacher! I have a whole family full of manipulative and toxic people. I’m usually the quiet one just observing the toxic behavior but never really knew how to productively handle situations. Keep bringing the great videos, you are helping in a big way.

[daveg]

I am taking assertiveness training at the ripe age of 60. I always believed that if you treated other people with kindness and respect that they would automatically reciprocate. I have found that to be completely false in 99% of situations. All that it does is get you used and you eventually become resentful of people. The way that I now approach this, is that I need to respect myself and live with myself at a much higher degree than anyone else in my life, so if they over-step my boundaries, I can live without them. I can't live without myself.

[NarcSurvivor]

I'm fine with being rejected. Not everyone is going to be on your frequency. What I do find difficult is rejecting.

[khmediayuu]

What I love about Stephanie is how she can communicate her message in a neutral way. She talks about "persons". She never mentions Male or Female. A lot of other channels who speak on these same topic will always portray the female as the victim and use stock images of a woman with her head in her hands - for example. As a male I've been matching Stephanie for years. I really appreciate that neutral aspect to your videos Stephanie. You are clearly aware that your topics can apply to any human regardless of male or female. Thanks and keep up the great work!!! ❤

[tishataray]

My fear is that i feel the person will not hear me out/ dismiss me or respond egoicly and aggressively redirecting blame to me and refusing to be accountable . When you know someone's character as a human, in your mind you can narrate how everything will go down from past experiences. And leaving is not all the time possible

[ludaheracles]

Bless you all, we are good people. But it's time to stand up for ourselves and fight back ♥️