Jordan Peterson: How to be more Disagreeable and Assertive

Jordan B Peterson (born June 12, 1962) is a Canadian clinical psychologist and professor of psychology at the University of Toronto. In this clip he adresses how to be more disagreeable and assertive, especially as a women.

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[billyandrews]

" NO" is a complete sentence.

[donefinished]

"Truth is your best friend when it comes to being agreeable."

[divergentsenior]

I’ve learned the trick is to NEVER START OUT AGREEABLE. It will only make it impossible to EVER push back without being perceived and told “you have changed”, “got mean”, etc.

You virtually cannot reclaim your personal sovereignty once you have voluntarily surrendered it.

I got assertiveness help and changed jobs. It was very difficult to not back slide into my natural people pleasing personality, BUT it was worth it in every way.

[romaknafel]

5 minutes of Jordan Peterson a day keeps the doctor away :)

i don’t know what i would have done in life without him

He saved my life

[shwetanavani]

After 35 years of being taken advantage of like a doormat I've had it. 🤷‍♀️

[LiberaLib]

Very interesting and well articulated. I disagree with most of it.

[Elevat_KG]

For me, it is a fear of not being accepted or liked by my peers, therefore i would rather be agreeable and universally liked. The problem with this is that when you are overly agreeable, the people who “like you” or “accept you” will subconsciously not see much value in you because you are putting other peoples feelings over your own. It’s better to have 5 friends who truly respect you and your feelings than have 100 friends who don’t see your value.

[MisterAwestasia]

I try to have some disagreeable friends who are good company as they will tell you exactly show how you are gullible and help you, if they are really your friend, and show you how to be assertive. It has helped me out a lot! When you maintain a good balance between the two doors just open up!

[MRPHOBIA]

1) Figure out what you want
2) formulate that aka speak the truth which can lead to conflict so it takes courage to do that
3) become friends with your critical intelligence that you have become to be ashamed of so to not hurt others

[travisblackburn]

My advice to those striving to become more disagreeable:

Give up the vices. This can range from substances to behavior. ANYTHING you know you shouldn’t be doing must go. Alcohol was my problem and when I learned how to say NO, I took control of the wheel again. I learned how to say no to the bars with friends, no to eating unhealthy foods, and no to quitting on workouts.

You must learn how to say no to yourself before you can say it to other people.

[DarrenFMagee]

Self interest isn't the same as selfish

[brh.]

I've never thought much about the downsides of being so agreeable, until very recently when I started my first job. If something doesn't change I can easily see myself falling behind and not being able to compete to progress in my career. It's a really hard pill to swallow but listening to Jordan Peterson on the various reasons women earn less have helped me to pinpoint what's holding me back. Empowering stuff!

[Quasimodov]

I have one simple trick. Just think in this way: everyone takes care of themselves, thus you should take care of yourself too. Agreeable people thinks that they should help people or at least shouldn't take advantage of others. This is the kind of mindset that holds them back from interacting with other people fairly.

[blaqueknight]

You have to take care of yourself better than you take care of other people.

[nrg]

This insight really helped me as a 25 year old, usually agreeable female in the software field. I realised I won't get what I need/want if I don't speak up. It took a lot of guts to start doing that and knowing how to do it respectfully at the same time.

[laurenalmeyda]

Jordan Peterson was speaking directly to me. I will heed his advice. Thank you.

[paulsolon]

In Spain decades ago a great grandmother lived next door. I got to know her some. She knew she was fairly soon about to pass on. I asked her what she had learned what she would change. She answered ‘ I wish I had fought more. Often I knew what was rt. I wish I had fought more’
Her son wd come by every so often. He was also my landlord. He was rude to his mother, in front of me. And he tried to cheat me on the rent.
I left the place. I missed that old, lonely woman when I did—long since dead now.

[ituramphozo]

I have been so agreeable through out my life and it has served me well for a long time. The last 2 years have been hell and it was a direct result of my agreeable temperament. After I watched and read books from JP I have tried to hard to do the small things he talks about, my life is changing for the better… but when I’m being disagreeable, I literally have to give myself some pep talks, it’s truly uncomfortable. How long does it take to feel not horrible about it?

[Babesinthewood]

Im watching this video because there is a toxic narrative going around in the world, that kindness equals weakness. It's a fallacy, it's a stupid and toxic narrative. A person can be kind and assertive. I'm rather upset right now (I came here for therapeutic reasons) because for the thousandth time I was told by an acquaintance that I deserve to be abused because I'm kind. Kind is weak. I have been listening to her talk about herself for 5 hours and I've happily given her only my sympathy and encouragement. No problem. When I mentioned that I've been abused quite a few times myself, she said those things about me deserving abuse. Attracting it with my kind energy (simultaneously using the words "weakness" and "kindness" as if it were the same word). I told her that I am making an intelligent choice to be kind. It's certainly not a stupid one and it's not a weakness. She said that it's evidently not an intelligent choice to be kind, otherwise I would never have been abused. Excuse me? Firstly, it's an assumption without facts. Secondly, we are always choosing between right and wrong. Any day, I can choose to be mean and petty, but I'm not, because I know the consequences of being mean and petty. I've been kind to her. Would she prefer that I treated her with disrespect? Being nasty, cruel, impolite, selfish, exploitative? Is that better? Would that make me less deserving of abuse? If it's true that some people LIKE to abuse people who happen to be kind: it doesn't justify it. You cannot claim that someone should change their character or energetic aura just to stop being a target. I know that is *not* what Jordan Peterson is saying at all. I'm just arguing against an idea that is common in the world. Kind people have rights. And timid people have rights, even though it's not the same thing to be nice and timid, but nonetheless, both have rights. And it's not justified to abuse someone who is "nice". They are making the choice to be nice to you. Why are you not making the same choice for them? Anyway. Having said that, it's great to have a strategy of how to talk to disagreeable people. But, that does not mean that having a persona that is soft and feminine or kind (man or woman) equals weakness and it does not mean that they should change. I hate people who talk down to me. They're out the door. Strangely they assume that I'll continue to be kind to them even after they say these degrading things to me. Absolutely not. I'm not giving my time to such people again

[samn]

For an agreeable person the shadow side, unacceptable and repressed aspects of personality, likely need to be taken more into account. I'm not sure if I'm agreeable by nature but I was too agreeable. Connecting with the parts of myself I felt guilty about, including as Jordan mentioned intuitive thoughts that weren't 'nice', was a huge game changer for me.
I had more power, more to say, less resentment and better communication. I did his authoring suite around that time and it really helped but was part of many things.