Should I Feel Guilty?

Thank you to too much candy for helping me finally make this video. It's obviously something I've been thinking about for a long time. As someone who has a LOT of advantages, it is very clear to me that I have them. But I also think that everyone watching this, just by virtue of having access to high speed internet, also has a lot of advantages that might not be as obvious.

As I say in the video, if you spend time with people who have your same advantages, they don't seem like advantages. And then when someone comes along and tells you that your normal is actually inequality, that can feel like an attack...like Heath finding out that he's ripped up Snickers' wedding flowers. Heath, in that moment, felt attacked by Snickers....like the guilt was something Snickers was doing, not something Heath's own mind was doing to attempt to help him behave differently in the future.

At least, that's the really drawn out metaphor I've decided to go with, I guess!

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[livingbeings]

It's as if existence is complex...

[nachiketbhanushali]

He said see you on Tuesday instead of Friday.... Come on Hank, it's pizzamas!!

[NintendoCapriSun]

Feeling guilty is like my forte. I feel guilty about all sorts of things that I probably shouldn't.

Like if I'm that one car that causes someone to have to wait to turn left, I feel guilty about that. The odds of me being in that exact spot at that exact minute were probably 1 in 100, 000, yet there I am overcoming those odds so that they have to wait. Likewise, if I'm the person waiting to turn left, then I feel guilty for making THEM feel guilty. Like I wish there was some way I could convey to them that I'm not hating them for just so happening to be there and overcoming those odds and making ME wait. I wish i could say I was making this up.

[mariavictoriagelvez]

A good video, with a good message. "Started with a discussion between candy bars" God I love this community

[corhydron]

I have had a good, middle-class upbringing and I live in a country in which I need not worry about student debt. I don't feel guilty about it because I don't think it's a bad thing that I had these privileges. I think it's a bad thing that others *don't* have them. I think it's very helpful to reframe it that way - from there, you just have to conclude that it's essential to help others.

[Smirknewmedia]

Acknowledging privilege vs. feeling guilty. Nice conclusion.

[epsereth]

This resonates with me pretty hard. I grew up super poor - my bedroom was originally the laundry room, and we had to get our drinking water from a neighbor because our well wasn't clean and we couldn't afford to have it fixed. I'm now married and my spouse's parents gifted us with a down payment on a house. It's not huge as far as houses go, but it's still so much nicer than any place I've ever lived, and I feel like I don't deserve or am not allowed to live here. We're both gay and I'm trans, and it's frustrating seeing other LGBT+ people in such dire situations while we have this beautiful house in a wonderful area. My spouse agrees that we should use our advantages to help others, so we've decided that we'll use the guest bedroom to help struggling LGBT+ folk get on their feet, find a steady job, and build some savings without having to worry about rent. We hopefully have our first person coming to stay with us in a few months, and we hope to help many more in the coming years.

[Mehrnooshb]

This was a helpful video. I struggled a lot with guilt when I was a teenager because I knew that I was not what my parents wanted me to be and I always felt like by not doing what they wanted me to do I was disappointing them and they didn’t deserve to be disappointed when they had done so much for me. But I eventually did realize it’s not about deserving at all. This is life, it’s not supposed to be fair, but that doesn’t mean you can’t do your best to enjoy it. In the wise words of Mick Jagger, you can’t always get what you want!

[kateh]

You, Hank, are one of the best people I’ve ever had the privilege of knowing even though I only actually know you on the internet. You are good people.

[lockedwhisper]

Thanks for processing through this, Hank. Helps a lot of us.
I think it's important to note that there's a difference between guilt and shame, and while they're both unpleasant, the shame is harder to work through. So to my fellow people who are working through shame, you are not a bad person for what you've done or the advantages you have. Much love ❤

[estrellacasias]

I wanna throw in there that I was traveling and found my first nerdfighter due to her pizza john shirt. She was so happy someone noticed and I was so happy someone was wearing one

[sylviaodhner]

I don't think there's any case in which a person "should" feel guilty. I think guilt is a natural consequence of realizing the impacts of one's actions, and it's the understanding that we need to foster, not the guilt. If it seems like a small amount of guilt is a good thing, I think that's only because the mechanism that triggers the guilt (the understanding) is useful. But as many people know, guilt can overwhelm and cripple someone if it grows out of control.

[zackmazzone]

When you've heard this story before because of SourceFed but appreciate it in a totally different way years later.

[irri]

Guilt should Inspire introspection. So to create better patterns.

[goddessoftheslide]

I've recently decided to let go of the guilt I've been carrying around with me. In exchange for carrying guilt, I have decided to acknowledge the things causing a cognitive dissonance between my body and my soul. I act in accordance. I have found there is often no point in carrying around a feeling of guilt, which oftentimes comes along with a pang of shame. Rather, I am living my life in a way that encourages and uplifts those around me by whatever means I posses at the time. Thank you for sharing this beautiful message.

[kateh]

Apologize and learn from it, in the snickers heath situation.

[stephenmaher]

I've felt the exact same way... Guilt about not having to struggle as hard as folks less fortunate that are at college with me. For the same reason the idea of "feserving something" has always been a struggle for me to fully qualify. Thank you for this, it articulated a lot of ideas I had floating around so eloquently.

[allisonpenner]

I really like this topic. Like you, I try to use my guilt more as compassion, but even that has its limits. I can't truly understand on a moment by moment basis what it feels like to not know where your next meal is coming from or how it feels to be judged on the colour of your skin on a daily basis. But I can listen and try to understand what people who have not received what I have need based on their own experience. I worry this isn't enough, but so far it's the best I've found.

[cam_like_ham]

Thank you so so so much for putting this out in the air. Anxiety has given me a very guilty conscience and I constantly feel more guilty than I probably should about things ranging from having parents that financially support me in my adulthood to anxiety-induced overreactions. Being able to put that kind of guilt into perspective as you did was a big help and will help me ground myself down the line.

[mrtalos]

Don't feel guilty for being fortunate. Likewise don't hate people for being lucky or unlucky. Instead, try to help others because you have been fortunate.

You do this, you have nothing to be guilty about.