Why We Always Feel Bad and Guilty

There’s a strange law of psychology that reveals that small children who are treated badly by their parents will always — rather strangely — blame themselves, and not their parents, for their injuries.

FURTHER READING

“There’s a strange law of psychology that reveals that small children who are treated badly by their parents will always — rather strangely — blame themselves, and not their parents, for their injuries. They hate who they are rather than hating those who have done them wrong…”

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CREDITS

Produced in collaboration with:

Julia Marchowska

Title animation produced in collaboration with

Vale Productions

[gabrieljordan]

My parents are very well aware of how badly they screwed up with me because every time I bring up past memories they get very defensive. (40 now)

[Meherethen]

There's also the "I am as a person wrong, I should not exist" version. No matter what you do, how much you try, you just feel like a glitch your entire life. I wonder how that comes about.

[ZeroDarkTwenty]

This video sadly is so relatable to me, you begin to question everything about yourself because it always seem it’s your own personal fault.

Looking back at past mistakes and wishing you could change them, you have to learn that you won’t be able to, but you do learn that it makes you a better person for the future.

Love yourself and you can accomplish anything, despite your flaws, you’re still amazing.

[yohaizilber]

Saying NO is an act of self-care and self-respect, allowing you to prioritize your own needs and best interests. It is not selfish or rude, but rather a healthy and necessary boundary to set for yourself. By saying NO, you are saying YES to yourself and making sure that your own well-being is a top priority.

[DS-uhss]

The only thing different for me is I tend to skew "suicide" not "jail." But yeah, when you're a horrible person whose existence hurts everyone else, you just want to remove yourself from the world and all the reminders of the many ways in which you suck.

[ranc]

Social anxiety, Toxic shame and Complex Trauma explained in 3 minutes.

[shaneo]

I’ve been guilty of something all my life. Spent half of the time hiding. This video is so amazing.

[ronniesal]

The worst thing is that this feeling is brought into adult life. And society does treat them as guilty!

[marca]

I remember taking driving lessons and we got stuck in traffic. The teacher asked me why I was getting stressed. I said I felt I was doing something wrong to cause this jam. He smiled and said "ah, you're one of those" 😅

[charlottepeukert]

But unfourtunately, the people who should feel guilty for mistreating their children, now and in the past, don't feel guilty at all.They have the best excuses at hand, up to the one:" If you didn't behave that way and triggered me, we would have gotten along just fine and I would have loved you the way you wanted me to."

[mindfulnesswithmatt]

And hence most parents who have not processed their own traumas should not be parents. We are intrinsically whole, but many upbringings tell us otherwise

[khalilahd.]

It’s so sad to see how many people relate to this ( including myself) but with the new year coming I want to go commit to growing past this 🙏🏽

[zrcioct]

I grew up with a persistent feeling of guilt. It was so bad that I saw a counsellor when I was 14 and cried, telling her I held so much guilt inside but didn't know where it came from.

I told her guilt had been there my whole life and that it was the main emotion I feel. I always compared myself to everyone else and wondered why can't I be like them? It was just guilt that I wasn't good enough and that I was the cause of all my parents problems. Some of my guilt slowly went to anger and then finally to pain. But to survive we have to blame ourselves not the people around us, because if we didn''t it would've threatened our survival... the pain we internalise for things done to us not our fault

[AdventureCornwall.]

What we all have to remember is we are human.
Emotional beings.
Be kind to yourselves and walk away from negativity if it gets too much.
Sometimes its only a phase people go through. This journey is full of ups an downs and there is an end for us all.
Enjoy it and don’t pressure yourself.
Much love all from a ex self loather ❤️

[aleenatj]

I was literally thinking abt this and googling about it just 2 minutes ago. I feel guilty about enjoying anything be it watching a movie or eating good food. I feel guilty just thinking about my parents. If I'm upset i feel like punishing myself by taking away something I love. When I see underprivileged people or animals I feel guilty about the life I have. Its horrible feeling and I try to ignore it to my best. Considering talking to a therapist, idk why I cant open up to one, maybe I subconsciously feel they'll judge me or wont understand me or will say that I'm just pretending

[livelearnlovesmile]

I feel so called out. I always fear offending others and always fear the guilt. Religions play guilt the best in my opinion as a cycle to keep flocks in control.

[carlranger]

Brought up in an alcoholic house ( which was terrifying at times) I've always felt guilty. My Wife made the most of that to make me feel bad about myself with every disagreement we had. As soon as I realised the game and gained more insight about what was going on and why the marriage didn't last much longer.

[wilwad]

So true. I went through this: alcoholic step dad and a mother that admitted that she should have aborted me. I only recently realized I have anxiety: I overthink, self-blame and relive bad or embarrassing situations over and over. Slowly realizing I'm only hurting myself, it's time to breathe.

[TheGoodMMADog]

Last night, a part of my past showed up in a nasty way. It made its way into the life I was trying to build without it and I finally thought I had done so. I have worked hard in therapy to stop calling myself a bad person, but last night made all those feelings come back. On top of that I experienced a rejection last night and all I can do is think about what I did wrong or why I’m not good enough, even though this person has explained at nausea and it’s not me that’s the issue. Amazing the timing of this video.

[stt.]

I had parents not quite as bad as this, but way too indulgent with me which led to me to waste my talents and be completely ostracized. My parents were pretty much absent. I recognize that it could have been a lot worse, like they didn't actively bully me or anything. They just were not there when I need them the most. I can tell my development is very delayed because of this.

I was also too immature and hid myself in a world of distraction pretending like my problems would go away if I waited long enough. 10 years of self loathing and self pitying hoping something or someone would wake up from this endless cycle. I've been on auto pilot, doing just enough to get by all these years much like a child, because my parents and the people around me never pushed me to make me realize what I had been missing out on.

I'm 23 now and I feel like I've recently woken up from a 10 year coma. I've awakened this drive inside of me to not just be good but be the best version myself.

Was it my fault ? Partially, was it my Parents? mostly. But it doesn't matter, what matters is the present and the future. And I refuse to be a victim to my past. I have the cards that I'm dealt with, and you best believe I will do my utmost to overcome. I take every negative experience as an opportunity to learn and improve.