STOP FEELING GUILTY FOR SETTING BOUNDARIES

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[OnlyOneName]

Setting boundaries for me is also overcoming the feeling of obligation to overshare or to overexplain things about my life, especially if I know they would not understand my choices. I was raised by very intrusive and controling mother. I often felt interrogated and forced to explain everything, then it was used against me (we all know this pattern). I don't have to do it anymore. I'm currently in a situation that I am tired of explaining it to this person, who I know judge me behind my back (I realized that recently, and it saddened and confused me). I will try not to explain myself anymore. I'm a grown woman. That is my boundary setting. I know it's the right thing to do, yet I do feel guilt from taking a step back from this person.

[Sandy_N_]

I'm always taking on other people's "junk"!!
My mother is the most difficult relationship for me. She wants me to feel responsible for her and uses guilt and manipulation. I've allowed her to suck the life out of me; sacrificing my health, my sanity, my marriage, and actually feeling responsible for her. Feeling like I'm going crazy! I feel selfish and guilty because I want a life.
I will remember my worth. I see her tactics and will protect myself from "stepping into her trap". I always honor her and treat her with respect; now I will do that for myself. 😢❤🙏🏻

[orangecat]

My latest boundary is I have firmly decided to have a stress - free, obligation- free holiday season . Every year I say I’m gonna do this - & never do. To everyone’s disappointment I will be celebrating Thanksgiving & decking the halls with just me, my husband, & my cat. Can’t wait !!!

[lindawallace]

I set a boundary with myself and therefore, with other people.
I stayed in bed a little longer. I made myself a healthy smoothie instead of grabbing a quick cup of coffee.
I returned some important calls and e-mails. I shut off some notifications.
One of the ways my C-PTSD manifests is feeling that I have to be available to everyone all the time. It kept me safe in childhood with my BPD mother but no longer serves me. It just makes me anxious, hyper vigilant and resentful.
I didn’t make an announcement. I didn’t apologize. I just did it

[ErikaMaria-lwen]

I don't appreciate when others ghost me when I ask an important question or getting the "I'm too busy" response... I deserve better. Thanks Kim and have a lovely weekend folks. Aussie 🙂❤

[christineherrmann]

Wow, the end of this video is the visualization we tell empaths to use to help manage boundaries better. When I went through massage school, I had a teacher basically save my life; my boundaries were so poor. Things are better, but you realize they can always improve. For me, right now, caring for my Mom, the boundaries are always shifting to try to keep her doing self-care as long as possible, while never forgetting her NPD traits and tendency to want to control my every breath. I'm trying to breathe through tantrums and to not get angry, but also be willing to walk away and let her manage what she can, even if _she_ gets angry. Tightrope.

[iloveTool]

Lord did I need to hear this today. 37 years old and still trying to get the boundaries thing down. Constantly run into this at work, getting taken advantage of. Being asked to do the responsibilities of managers/people who make more money than I do. Being asked to step in for them again and again because I'm so "nice" well I've been saying NO more and more and I don't care what anyone thinks anymore, I will not be taken advantage of again and again.

[erenwatts]

Friend asking to barrow money, after setting this boundaries over and over again .
It’s not a good feeling
And makes my BPD go of the chart .

[T.Taylor]

Thank you for this fantastic video! And thank you for the validation Dr. Kim.

[evadodombarga]

When they ask me for money. I should say no

[FreezyPeach.]

I needed to hear this today. Thank you 👍 🙏

[HemiBrat]

I set a firm gaslight me and your gone boundary! 🎉🎉🎉
Enable the gaslighting... same -- RAWR 😂

[FaithFashionFinances]

Past generations have taught us for years to just keep the peace and never assert our own needs. My boundary violations resulted in the removal of many people who wanted to hurt me. The more we raise awareness about this, the better we can educate the next generation.

[wendyrobinson-wrlg]

After therapy and work on myself, I've started setting boundaries these last few years. I'm getting better at the practical side of it and am realising that family, certain 'friends', etc didn't have as much power over me as I thought they did. However, the emotional part you talk about in this video is still so tough! Guilt, fear, shame, sadness; this internal part of me that constantly tells me to be scared if I set a boundary because I don't have any rights and will be punished for it. Am going to try 'the wall' technique and see how it goes. Thank you for offering something practical to try out.

[shirasheartbeats]

I just want to be able to say no to what doesn't feel i would enjoy...i need more joy in my life and less musts, shoulds or pressures. It feels luxorious writing it down..but from where i am, it's a need..

[melliecrann-gaoth]

So clear. Brilliant.
I’m thinking with 1 person - do the scratched record- say same thing in a short way, again and again. It’s about saying “no” to something without explaining again & again. She’s a safer person….

[portalsandpathways]

I really needed this today. Thank you 🙏🏻

[wendyhandy]

Thank you so much as I was just have guilty thoughts about the boundary I set for my cousin. I want to spend some visits with my daughter & baby granddaughter us time without sharing with others. Cousin is on the narcissist disordered spectrum & her only son died 6 years ago. She will be seeing us all soon but I want some me & my children/ grandchildren bonding time. So used to worrying about other’s feelings that I forget my own. ❤

[Latterdaysaintcrunchymom]

Got me with that 4:44 timestamp. About to set a hard boundary about language and trauma-dumping/venting in our home with a friend of mine I decided to let rent our downstairs after getting out of an abusive relationship. She’s BPD. Just had a good convo with my other friend about it and am so glad I did. I’ve been full to the brim with her negativity and I can’t take it anymore. I had the feeling I needed to put a wall between her and me and your explanation of that was amazing and solidified it as a second witness that that is what I need to do when I present new house rules to her. Thank you!

[ranc]

"Reasonable request"
That is the core issue - with trauma and abuse - we believe we are not reasonable. That is the core of guilt and panic when disliking and requesting something.