Dementia and Guilt: How to stop feeling guilty while caring for someone with dementia

Welcome to the place where I share dementia tips, strategies, and information for family members caring for a loved one with any type of dementia (such as Alzheimer's disease, Lewy Body dementia, vascular dementia, frontotemporal dementia, etc.)

In today’s video, I’m talking about a COMMON issue…GUILT! Guilt seems to go hand in hand with being a dementia caregiver. It can feel that anytime you want to do something nice for yourself, that 5 letter world creeps in our brains. Today’s video is going to share the one question you should ask yourself to help you overcome the guilt and do what you need to better care for yourself. After all, if you want to take the best care of your loved one with dementia, you have to take the best care of yourself. It’s as simple as that.
______________

FREE Resource:

💌 [LET’S CONNECT]

_____________
CHECK OUT MY POPULAR PLAYLISTS

Dealing with Challenging Behaviors:

______________

OTHER VIDEOS MENTIONED IN THIS VIDEO:
Find out: "why you should lie to your loved one with dementia"
__

In case you haven’t met me, my name is Natali Edmonds and I am a board certified geropsychologist. That means that I am a clinical psychologist who specializes in working with older adults. One day, while hiking a trail, I came up with the idea for Careblazers and I decided to see if posting videos online could provide help to the many other Careblazers in the world who don’t get to have help come directly to them in their homes. I hope that this work helps you in some way on your caregiving journey.
#careblazer #dementia #dementiacare

[kennethford]

This is so common for all of us to feel, and go through.

[bagscomeandbagsgo]

This video is me to a tee! I am depressed, I don’t see friends, I can’t get up and just leave when I want to, and I have gained quite a bit of weight! My problem is no one ever offers to sit with my mom so that I can go off! Even my kids don’t understand the help that would be to me!

[chriggle]

I wholeheartedly agree with Natali. I unfortunately found out the hard way 14 years ago. My mum was in and out of hospital during the last 12 months of her life, I was visiting by bus with my 2 year old (it was 3 buses and an hour travel time with my toddler and her buggy) 3 times a week, having medical appointments for tests for autism on my toddler, and towards the last 3 months of my mother's life I miscarried. My husband would collect me from the hospital on his way home from work and we would end up eating take out or convenience meals. I was exhausted, and struggling mentally as well as physically. It took another 2.5 years to be diagnosed, but I had developed Chronic Fatigue Syndrome ( we call it myalgic encephomylitis in the UK).
It's so important to have self care time when you care for others. Don't make yourself sick too. There is no cure for what I have, and some days are better than others.
My midwife told me when I was pregnant with my now 16 year old " you can't look after somebody else if you can't look after yourself" and she was totally right.

[johnsaxontube]

Thank you for this. My wife with FTD actually lays a major guilt trip on me whenever I try to do something without taking her along. It's nearly impossible to explain to her why I might want to get away occasionally. She interprets this as me wanting to get away from her (which is actually true) and repeatedly asks "why can't I go?" I can't even run over to a grocery store without her practically begging to go along. When she does come along it's fairly difficult for me since she constantly walks up to strangers and says odd things to them. I've stopped meeting with the neighbors for a beer at Whole Foods because it was so awkward having her there. At any type of social gathering either I have to babysit her or I have to sidle off and let some poor friend babysit her, which I feel guilty about. Basically, I have become responsible for her dementia and whatever effect it may have on other people, so it's very difficult for me to get away and enjoy myself. These days I find it easier just to stay at home and avoid social gatherings altogether.

[carolthetford]

I recently came across your videos and have been watching them and getting so much out of them. You are so on point with everything. My 90 year old mom has been living with me for a year now and I still work full time. I try and make time for myself and it does help. Her long term memory is perfect but not the short time. She questions everything I do whether it's laundry, washing my hair, why I bought this or that the list goes on. Your videos have given me a better light on so much and I thank you for this. I look forward to your next video. Thank you again

[RafiLake]

Just found your channel and subscribed. Hello there and thank you.

[chantelgray]

Thank you Dr. Natalie. This was right on time! Yesterday, I finally took some time to myself to have some fun! When I came back home three hours later...my granny was fine so I had nothing to feel bad about, but I did feel guilty at first about going even though I hadn't seen my friends in over two months! Keep this information coming, it's very helpful! 😀❤👍

[brendah]

O my!! That is me Thank you. I am going to start eating better than I do For months I have not ate good foods. Just grab snacks and I have arthritis then it gets worse. I feel the way you described in your video.

[marionkirk]

I'm so exhausted and stressed the thing I try to do recently is take my grandson to lunch once a week my son will watch his dad which is great I love it but as soon as I walk back in the house my stress level is boom right back thank you for sharing your videos

[loriearl]

Hi Dr Natali, Thanks so much for taking the time to share this info.. I see myself in your words.. you have given me so much food for thought.. will watch my emails- your pending course sounds like it could be very worthwhile .. God Bless...

[carolkol]

It's so true. I feel guilty when I take time off because i'm exhausted. I hear you but I revert back to behaviors I was taught from birth. Many details from birth but my mom since she blamed me for everything. Drummed into me. I know better but this is similar because my LO is very dependent but angry about his vascular dementia blames me etc. Never Good enough a book I need to find again. Thank you. If I was helping someone else I'd say what you're saying toward myself. Where's the hand out