How to Build Your Sense of Self After a Damaging Childhood

Join My FREE Training: Build the Real Self You Were Never Allowed to Have

Over my 45 years of practice, I’ve worked with countless clients who’ve felt trapped in a cycle of seeking love and approval from narcissistic, toxic, or neglectful parents.

Growing up in a damaging or dysfunctional environment can leave you feeling like you don’t even know who you are.

Maybe your identity was overshadowed by the needs and demands of toxic, narcissistic, or neglectful parents.
→ Perhaps you were taught that your worth was tied to how much you could give or how well you could conform.

But here’s the truth: YOU were never broken—just conditioned to believe you were.

In this video, I’ll guide you through:

✅ Why childhood wounds distort your sense of self—and how to reclaim your identity.

✅ How to unlearn the guilt, shame, and self-doubt planted by toxic family dynamics.

✅ Practical steps to rebuild your confidence, autonomy, and self-worth.

You don’t have to remain trapped in the shadow of your upbringing. It’s time to let go of the lies you were taught and step into a life that’s truly your own—rooted in self-love, clarity, and freedom.

Your healing starts with reclaiming YOU.

Here’s How I Can Help You Heal:

🆓 FREE TRAINING: Build the Real Self You Were Never Allowed to Have

🔥 THE ROAD TO SELF PROGRAM: Join 10,000+ People Who Have Transformed Their Lives

👉 Start Your Journey Here:

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AND COUPLES: Let’s Work Together to Heal and Transform Your Life

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More Resources to Help You Heal:

Stay Connected:

Instagram: @jerrytwise
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Twitter: @jerrytwise

About Jerry Wise:

I’m Jerry Wise, a family systems coach with over 45 years of experience helping individuals break free from toxic family dynamics. My approach to self-differentiation empowers you to let go of the guilt, shame, and emotional entanglements that have held you back. If you’re ready to heal, I’m here to guide you every step of the way.

DISCLAIMER:
This video is not a substitute for professional counseling. Always consult a licensed professional for personalized support.

[Musicandfilms]

My narc mother made me believe that I'm useless and that I can't make my own money, also that because I'm in my 40's it's too late to start a new career path, I believed her and now I'm unemployed, financially dependant on her and living in poverty. It's time for me to be self sufficient and find a way to make money on my own, I know I can.

[egeyermusic]

Jerry you are a consistent voice of reason, comfort and wisdom in this mad world.

[monicaperez]

I came from a punitive family. Slowly I am learning to be kinder to my self.

[RenoLaringo]

Learning to say ”no” is difficult sometimes, but absolutely necessary.

[rwdchannel]

My childhood was weird. I was put into a foster home when I was 2 years old because my father was a violent alcoholic. My foster mother was neglectful and physically abused me. I got adopted when I was 5 years old by a overt narcissist mother and covert narcissist father. They both worked and my mother's mother was living in the house, basically doing butler duties and raising me. My grandmother was highly narcissistic too. My parents got divorced when I was 15 years-old. I joined the US Army when I was 18 years-old and eventually cut my parents out of my life because of their continual disrespect towards me. I learned about narcissism 10 years ago and have heal a lot since then.

[kbs]

It’s taken me years to find myself. To not feel guilt. To stop worrying what is she going to be pissed about now. Knowing that I’m worthy! That I am loved deeply.

[Jeanetteleuers]

This is the FIRST TIME I have see these ideas anywhere. You are spot on with this real/pseudo self discovery. Very good. So true. Acting up, as someone that is REQUIRED by others, can be desperately lowering. A happy childhood is the best place to begin, but so many people, for so many reasons, don't have that luxury.

[taurusrising]

You are a genius, Jerry. You give so much emotional and mental support to us narcissistic abuse survivors. Your wisdom, support, and kindness make me feel heard, validated and understood. God bless you with love and abundance. Thank you.

[GummyBear]

It's a huge help to NOT be stuck in toxic relationships and have someone supportive with you through all this reflection. I have cut ties with the toxic family and am getting support from my husband and encouragement to continue therapy and do whatever I need to heal and be okay. The deprogramming is starting to feel real now.

[ElizabethCollins-eo]

I still find it hard to believe how l survived. I was brought up in a mental cage. An only child and l dread to think how others perceived my childhood years. I missed so much. 😢

[jammyjay]

This is a brilliant video thank you....yes my parents never talked about feelings...

[warrenbradford]

I have been talking to my therapist about the abuses I got from my narcissistic, toxic mother. I am still figuring out who I am right now.

[scoobysnax]

Wow, just did the 84min Webinar, Love the Calmness, stop being reactive especially to triggers, less emotional & more observant approach. I love the order & process of the webinar, it is really like a great journey. Yes alot of what you say I have learnt before, but the process is what differentiates you & your therapy. The Calmness Process has been an amazing revelation for me. A million thankyous, you are teaching me, its not what you know its how to use it & process it in some meaningful way.

[andersbergman]

I had two kind parents. But I also has a sister. My sister from childhood manipulated my parents and turned them against me. I loved my parents and was kind as a child. I left home early to survive. It took me decades to fully understand the dynamics. My mother suffered heavily all these years. Only a few years before her death she understood that she had been taken for a ride by my sister. Unfortunately we never talked about this. My mother died extremely unhappy. A narcissistic sibling can destroy the whole family. My sister is extremely dangerous. She still manipulates people for her own purposes.

[SandiTink]

You can’t reclaim a sense of self if you never developed one. It’s all entangled with how I was treated, what I was told, and the damage caused.

[franciscovillarreal]

All these videos have helped me find my real self, I found my childhood intuition, remembered how much I like to build interesting art. You are like the cool weird uncle that I wish I had growing up.
I am me now!! I am good now!!! I have freedom!!!!
THANK

[cqs]

I appreciate the title of this video! I have been a long time listener and go back to many of your earlier videos.
Your channel has helped me grow and have a strong sense of myself. Thank you!

[smokingcrab]

I feel like you are only allowed to be what the world deems okay. It's never okay to construct your own self because you will constantly be judged and beaten into conformity

[alpinefreshacademy]

This was very helpful and so well articulated.. Rebuilding feels like a never-ending marathon..

[HappyNarrative]

A good place to start with is who you aren’t: your parents. ❤ Never give up! Your healing is the greatest revenge.