This is Why You Can't Build Your Self Esteem

Dr. K’s Guide to Mental Health explores Anxiety, Depression, ADHD, and Meditation

#shorts #selfesteem

[juanmoretime]

“I am in this picture and I do not like it”.
Jokes aside, spot on as always

[UnknownUnknown-cdhh]

When people give genuine compliments, my mind goes “They are just saying that, they are lying.”

[mystiquevening]

When someone compliments me my brain always assumes they’re lying or being dishonest because there are always mistakes to be found. But I don’t want to be rude so I thank them and smile.

[jli]

I learned this about myself too-- I always came up with.. excuses why compliments weren't true, especially when it came from people I viewed as my superiors, whether it was a teacher, professor, or boss. And in a way, it prevented me from building genuine relationships with these people, in addition to not building me up at all. I'd find an excuse to diminish it, like eh, they probably say something like this to everyone-- or oh, they're just being nice. Or they're just trying to get me to do something, etc, etc. I realized that in itself is at times, rude to that person, to think that they'd say empty words, etc. I had this eureka moment and had all these moments flash by where I did this. And realizing that it was because that was what I believed of myself-- and so I kept warping others' words to match my opinion of myself. Such a huge thing for me, and I can catch myself when I do this now, even if it's not all magically fixed.

[BlackOreoCookie]

Yes. Very annoying to see this when I give people genuine compliments. It also stunts growth within the relationship.

[melopuss]

can't build relationships because no self esteem -> can't build self esteem because can't trust compliments from strangers -> can't trust strangers because that requires relationship skills

i love cycles and how round and infinite they are.

[Moose]

I've spent years of my 30's intentionally learning how to accept and internalize other people's feedback

[demonschnauzer]

In a similar vein, I find that sometimes when someone is nice to me, I think thoughts of “are they making fun of me?” “Is this a joke, like they are jokingly being nice to me because I’m the one here everyone doesn’t like?” And I’m like brain what are you doing?

I think it stems from a few early friendships and interactions I had where people were doing that, and it’s so hard as an adult to let that idea go. My philosophy is now that first of all, they probably aren’t making fun of you, and second of all, if they are, they’re being a jerk. If you assume they are making fun of you and distrust them immediately for just being nice, you’re Also being a jerk.

[emmawanjiku]

I got picked to do speeches at my 2 colleges but prior to that my self esteem was weak. I felt validated and it boosted my confidence.

[amethystplane]

Just thinking of that vine lol “omg it wasn’t even good, it was just improv”

“omg why can’t you just take the freakin compliMENT!!!”

[kyaksachan]

There's also the issue of badly implemented Positive Feedback. My school would have some teachers (or a teacher idr completely) that would praise me despite doing the bare minumium and it hurt my self-esteem to the point I won't accept a half-hearted compliment without internally feeling insulted and belittled.

I've gotten better over the years.

But meaningless positive feedback is rather hurtful too. It singles out the individual to a whole cast that wouldn't get the same feedback for the same thing.

[TheBuilderPro]

I can't increase my self esteem because then everyone around me thinks I'm an arrogant person. I'm basically impossible to help.

[forestduffe]

Besides seeking validation from other people, try accepting yourself and doing new things by eliminating that negative mindset. we all are unique and equal.

[AlastorTheNPDemon]

Actually, praise works rather well, at least in my case. It feels like an oasis for my dry, overheated innards.

[abuDA-btei]

The mind isnt the source of the problem. It's a tool. A person's inner self-worth is what stops them from allowing themself to feel worthy. It's a self fulfilling prophecy that keeps them in groundhog day. Almost always rooted in early childhood through trauma and neglect.

[frankkennedy]

To be fair, in this fake society, how can you not question if a compliment is real?

[MetalDeathMusic]

this is something I am working on, simply receiving compliments with no rebuttal. Even a simple thank you, replying with a "no problem" or such, is a way to shy away from it. Just simple say You're Welcome and let that thanks in.

[zentzu]

The only way to crack this is to achieve things, even if it's small things like waking up when you set your alarm. If you try to think positively and consider positive attributes it doesn't work, your mind just throws up a bunch of negativity

There might be something to be said for indepth imagination though, like really focussed imagination in which your creating so much in your mind that theres no room for negative thoughts, I know alot of boxers, like muhammad ali and tyson fury who literally look at themselves in the mirror and visualise and tell themselves how great they are

[heyithae]

Damn, I was literally thinking about this yesterday. I desperately want validation, but when I get it I don't accept it☠️

[johnnyboy]

Great advice! However, I fear that I’ll end up as an arrogant person if I let every compliment in without thinking critically about what can and could be better. How does one increase their self esteem without becoming arrogant.