Why Do We Become Socially Exhausted?

Dr. K’s Guide to Mental Health explores Anxiety, Depression, ADHD, and Meditation

#shorts #drk #mentalhealth

[stanis_here]

‘Ok, let’s find out how many pistachios I can put in people’s pockets without them noticing’ - that was a good party

[LysaBell]

This is also how to make friends. If you just go to a place with the purpose of making friends you probably will have a rough time.
If you go places where you engage in something that is meaningful to you and you engage with other people while doing that activity you will make friends.

[chelseag]

This must be why meeting new people is hard for me (spontaneous situations, random hangouts) but when i go to a get together that was planned a month in advance by my friends I usually am not as drained afterward

[damson]

all u need is a goal bruh. for me it's being authentic, not holding myself back and trying to force myself to believe im free.

[MrReset]

Fuck yes! I'm so happy someone finally understand and explain it properly. I'm so tired of saying it and be looked like I'm weird "Why, what purpose do you need to hang out? Can't it just be Hanging Out?" Ugh! They don't get it.

[justtest]

When parents scolded you for hundreds hours for being shy, not having friends, and hey you must go somewhere (safely) having fun...

[missslick]

This is so enlightening to me. I was an extrovert all my life until I became an adult.

As a teen, my purpose was to make a lot of friends, be popular, get attention, show off, stay out late, feel cool. All of that charged my social battery.

When I became an adult, none of those appealed to me anymore. I was exhausted hanging out with people and started to understand what it felt like to be an introvert. I now identify as an ambivert.

When I think about what 'purpose' I actually want in a social interaction, which I never considered before, I come to realize that none of my social interactions fulfill that purpose.

So, today I learned that the purpose I want in a social interaction is... playing sports, playing games, camping, travelling. I learned that my battery drains when I'm just out with my friends for a birthday dinner or just hanging around trying to come up with small talk.

[gardenandcalico]

I feel like this only works up to a certain point. Being a sales agent for 8 hours a day for example is very purpose driven and also extremely exhausting

[mailill]

Might explain why I found social interaction generally more rewarding the year I lived in another country where even "dull" small talk was an opportunity to practice the language and learning about the culture. I do feel, though, that making a real connection with another person is purpose enough. But that doesn't always happen.

[rkroll]

This definitely explains why I get anxious at parties

[SailorMomo-ixvj]

Ngl, that just sounds like work. You go to work, to do whatever your work is…and yet, I’m still exhausted from it 😂

[YouWhatMate_Official]

This is me, I'm more introverted so if I'm at a party I automatically ask myself what's the point of being here since no one is initiating conversation with me. I've decided it's probably best I don't even go in the first place

[crackedantagonist]

This is very useful advice for anyone, though for fellow autistic people, be warned- a goal might help to self motivate and push through a social gathering, but it will not negate the effects of parsing other people's social signals & regulating your own. Setting check in or break alarms for myself (5 minute breaks with a decompression routine), bringing small hidable fidget objects, and setting both minimum and maximum socialization times have helped me to lower my stress levels somewhat. Not constantly pushing myself to burnout has been the most effective way that I have found to break my brain's internal association of socializing and anxiety.

[joelcoll]

Yes, it's the worse when Im in a social situation where there is no topic or thing to do

[ChaosWolf]

This is why my social interactions typically aren't just eating out with people or anything, its D&D or tabletop gaming of some kind. Because its a focus of interest for everyone there, I get into it just as much as everyone else.

[claytonmoore]

It’s like being motivated vs not, if you have a goal as motivation you have the motivation to accomplish the goal

[julyol]

Yepp! If you're having difficulty with plain socialising, be the one explaining rules for games being played or mixing drinks or something or be responsible for the music etc. You'll have more energy for a longer time and probably more fun and you'll be easier to approach by others.

[GTRFREAK]

Same goes for conversations in those situations - I can have the purpose of going to a party to meet more people etc yet if the conversation isn't attracting me after a while, I'm out (definitely cant pretend I'm interested for long). Certainly makes it harder to go to parties and converse when your being sober, doesn't feel like I resonate with other people who are drinking / taking drugs/ etc.

[kartikayysola]

There's a club near my place that does salsa/bachata lessons an hour before the floor opens. If i go out with the purpose of getting my lesson in and figuring out how to get better, it's way easier to talk to others. My conclusion is that you need something concrete like that to give yourself a reason to go.

[TC-]

This is why introverts can show up for a job and be social, especially when we're in sales or customer service- we're supposed to be doing whatever the thing is, its not about us at that point.