Moving out of the narcissistic parent's home for scapegoats

In this video, we talk about the narcissistic parent's need for dominance and control over the scapegoat child and shed light on the coercive tactics employed to maintain this power dynamic.

More importantly, we explore the psychological and emotional risks often encountered by scapegoat children or adolescents when trying to move out AND an effective strategy to protect yourself when moving out from under a narcissistic parent’s control.

This is a key concept I discuss in my course, “A Map to Recovery From Narcissistic Abuse”.

If you’re looking for more information about surviving narcissistic abuse and understanding the experience, grab your FREE copy of my ebook, "Surviving Narcissistic Abuse as the Scapegoat".

#jayreid #jayreidpsychotherapy

[narcissistskryptonite]

Today is my first day living on my own!! 🙏

[PS]

I too get screamed at AND flipped off by narc mom when I go to work everyday. I work 3 jobs. I do ALL the housework, laundry, etc.

[edubois]

I experienced this many many times with my narc mother. I also recently experienced this with my narc former employer. In fact, coming to understanding about my narc boss helped me to gain understanding about the emotional trauma I suffered from my narcissistic mother. But that is another story! Yes, it is very difficult and the leaving is the most intense time. Their need to denigrate and devalue the scapegoat is so great it is nearly terrifying because when you sit back and think about it, you wonder, "if I were to have relented, what would have been waiting for me?" You know it is MORE OF THE SAME. My sister failed completely at leaving and is miserable and has twisted herself beyond any recognition.

[CplBaker]

My parents used money for my sister to try to keep her home, and even offered her a car, which she refused to get her to stay home from staying at college. There was no celebration even though she got into a good school, but instead the proceeding weeks where all about how much of a bad idea it is to live at school for "any reason under the sun". The interesting thing is at this point my Mom started making my sister the scapegoat and I became the "favorite", which I thought was ridiculous and ended up joining the military and leaving.

[peaceangel-rlhf]

Another great and valuable video. Thank you!

[CotyBlair]

Otherwise I'll end up supporting her like her man and I dont know how to say no cause I know in a closer to normal life things move smooth when everyone helps and does their part.

[toriambrr]

i didn’t even realize i needed to escape, i just went to college, then wondered why i felt so much more free and alive

[smoozerish]

I left home when I was 17. I was simply forced to leave by my narcissist mother. Behind it all she hoped i would fail miserably and end up the streets as a heroin addict. That way she could point at me and say to everyone that I was the problem all along.
Anyway I'm delighted to say I disappointed her. Through blood sweat and tears I put myself through university and got a degree and a masters in electrical engineering. Worked all sorts of shitty jobs along the way to fund myself. Eventually bought my own house so i could feel safe again, have lots of nice friends around me. I haven't seen my mother or her alcoholic enabler husband in years and that suits me just fine.

[JJones-nrpl]

You have to smile and be nice to the narcs. Get money, save every dime and keep it secret. Do not tell narc parents what you are doing. Use the internet wisely; sell stuff online and keep learning. Get out as soon as you can and disappear. Go no contact. Do not be "hoovered" (sucked) back in by anyone so they can continue where they left off. Do not give out your new address or phone number. Make it impossible to be found.

[Joelswinger]

It's yet another bizarre aspect of this that they don't seem to want the scapegoat around, yet they don't want them to leave.

[RPJacob]

"You're defective for wanting to leave", for setting boundaries, for saing NO to abuse or manipulation, for doing things good for yourself etc.

[aqualove]

These parents will still control your life even after leaving, moving. Going no contact is when their true nature comes to destroy everything about the scapegoat child.

[mindovermatter]

The whole "I love you/ I hate you" splitting from the narcissistic family is so confusing and the cause of so much self-doubt about leaving. I finally started college courses in my 30s where I take psychology classes. That is where I gained my self worth and power to leave my family of origin. When I started college, my family disgraced me and belittled me about it. Now I understand they don't want you to grow and learn because they know you will figure them out and leave.

[vicbaker]

I just read a comment that the armed forces are an option for Scapegoats that need out quickly. Good comment. Often females will opt for marriage to quickly get out of the parent’s house, but unfortunately, because of our childhood abuse, we consistently choose partners that have the same controlling behaviors as our parents. And that turns into a lifelong battle against narcissistic partners. I’m a senior now and finally got out of my last narcissistic relationship. Thanks for the tips on leading a healthy life!

[janetplanet]

My mother told me that I would certainly be raped should I move out into a house that I purchased on my own and without her input. I moved out anyways!

[miriamevans]

It's like an abusive marriage. The parent will stalk you after you move out.

[adrianaalvaradorodriguez]

Remember it's a matter of life and death, your ONLY life so keep in mind not to tell your narcokiller parent/partner or anyone related, any of your good news. Regardless of you age, keep it a secret all of your achievements, hobbies, dreams, so they won't be even more jealous and envious of you and try to frustrate your scaping plans and/or increase their rage-tantrum like behaivor towards you.
Be sure to seem gray, sad, obidient and share only your bad experiences so that they won't suspect your inner joy which is holy for your sanity.

[hooeqit]

Moving is hard when you yourself are so vulnerable, have social anxiety, triggers and struggle advocating or speaking up for yourself

[madipusundari]

I am 32 and still living with my narc parents. they have prevented me from finding a partner and also from getting an appropriate job that doesn't stress me out like crazy. hopefully things change.

[classicleslie]

Guys I couldn't wish this on anyone. This life is Hell. I feel trapped in here and there is no way out without valuable loss.