Radical Acceptance: Let GO Of What You CAN'T CONTROL (DBT)

One of the hardest things to accept in life is that we can't control everything. Learn more about how to do that using the process of Radical Acceptance, one of the primary DBT skills, which is about identifying, grieving and letting go of that which is out of your control and not your responsibility.

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[benl]

You are brilliant. Thank you! This is now one of my fav vids and I will rewatch this multiple times to let it sink in. It's a shame this video does not have 50m views because you/it deserve that. Or is that just my desire to control?

[amazinggrace]

“We are not the central character in everyone else’s story.” fabulous insight! And what freedom realizing this brings.

[yasminh]

"life felt hard in that moment" that was oddly liberating to hear, thank you :)

[boldish]

I'm barely halfway through the video but I feel your words piercing through me. I'm in my mid twenties and 10 months ago I felt a shift in my soul when I left an abusive work environment.

I've been asking myself many questions and reflecting on the reasons why I've struggled to accept many situations in my life. I've struggled to accept growing up without a father. Struggled to accept my mother's absence nearly my entire pre-adult life. Not accepting my abandonment issues and the consequences that has had in my choices of relationships.

I've clung onto relationships and friendships because I resisted accepting that the people involved didn't 'prioritize me' as I expected them to.

Struggling to accept that I was rejected from a career I worked so hard for and made many sacrifices for. That I faced workplace harassment due to my gender and biases that I can't control.

Falling into deep depression, suicidal thoughts and loss of meaning from feeling helpless. Now I seek to find acceptance and healing. Thank you ❤

[sunspotcarrottop]

I will stretch my fingers out to relax into acceptance whenever I feel anxious and frustrated about someone misunderstanding me!

[alizaghimire]

My family is going through a really difficult and stressful situation right now. It has affected me a lot and my dad. Seeing my father in that situation makes my heart sad. I never thought I would be dealing with this situation in my life, first few months were hell with panic attacks and insomnia but gradually I learnt radical acceptance without knowing it was a thing. I would literally say to myself, " it is what it is", "I don't have control over what's gonna come so better live in the now". This has shifted me from a problem focused mindset to a solution focused mindset. I indeed cry and get anxious often but it's just much relaxed and healthy i guess. Thank you for this beautiful video I'm much aware of it .

[johniesouza]

Aa an LPC myself, I just sent this to my client, it's a really well done and great explanation. Thank you Kyira!

[richardwilsonavena]

Its amazing how much my mind has been wanting to control everything in my life. It has robbed me of pursuits, lovers, and experiences that would have made me so happy. I started meditating about 3 months ago and the rigidity is starting to dissipate. The acceptance is still very difficult for me but hopefully it will be easier as time goes on,

[cerbaugh]

Fellow DBT therapist here...this is an excellent and comprehensive breakdown. RA for life! Way to go!

[evemusique]

I will continue to practice validating my emotions/experiences while also taking a pause or a step back to reflect on the situation

[MyLifeAsBrandon]

“We are not the central character in everyone else’s story.” I can’t explain how hard that hit me and sent me into tears.

Radical acceptance is something I have STRUGGLED with do so long now being bipolar. I want to scream and shout at times but how does that help me when there are situations out of my control.

My boyfriend broke up with me and has no contact. How do I control that? How do I sit there and truly understand the fact he may never come back? I hold onto hope on every single situation because I wish I could control every situation to work out for the better. 😢

God I need a DBT therapist because this whole video just… tore me apart. 💔

[lloydcicetti]

I told my therapist about the book by Tara Brach entitled "Radical Acceptance" when he handed me a list of 10 ways to radically accept. I have a hard time with control and letting go. This presentation helped my really understand what RA is all about. I don't normally subscribe to YouTube channels but I had to on this one. I look forward to the one on Cognitive Diffusion. 5 stars

[miguelesteves]

Great video and explanarion, thank you for this. It is helping me growing into being a less reactive and more prepared to respond in accordance to reality instead of my own projections.

[lazarindelchev]

All my life feel like vicious cycles.
Furst get inspired to do things (trying everything that would make me feel better) for some periods get that feel of excitement, hope, proud until break down, burnout and hit the rock button in worst way i couldn't even imagine.
Eventually life hit me strong enough that i couldn't suppress feelings anylonger and then decide to face then and take responsibility for them.
At first it fell so scary like i, m letting my self down surrender to the feelings i, m scared to fell like i can't afford to feel them, it felt against my will against my mind actually who didn't want to let go of control things and fixing them.
But intuitive just reject any idea that the mind trow at me with intention to do something.
By staying with feelings and expected the least i begin to tap more and more deep into peaceful presence and totally free from the mind literally all the meaning that has all the concepts became so obvious his illusionary nature.
Been fully present staying alone sitting on the bed it was the most extraordinary and the moy joyfully experience I've ever had. I realize everything it's absolutely perfect the way it is feel alive calm and alert in the same moment perceived so much through all the senses and totally free from mind perceptions and thinking.
Next day back to confusion and frustration finding out the mind has evolved in a ways that to catch my attention and drag me out of presence !

[klanderkal]

Hi, .. I loved my City transit bus driving job. It was my life.. then I listened to others that were retiring, they made it seem like was the best thing ever... so I joined them.. I immediately realized what I did.. it destroyed me, and my life. I got anxiety, insomnia and depression depression. I feel so much guilt and regret... self blame. I don't enjoy my life anymore.. its like my life ended. I don't enjoy anything I used to... and have nothing i want to do... I know only i can feel this pain..
I need to validate all the time., in self pity.

[dianadelgado]

I just came across your channel through this video, and as many people say, it couldn’t have shown up at a better moment. Anxiety running like mad and tons of difficult and life changing decisions to be made. After listening for the first time, I found myself breathing again, and now I will review it, make some notes and have them handy “in case of fire”. Kyira, you have a very soothing voice, and together with your message, you have made a difference to me today. Thank you for that 🌷

[FunkyStringz]

Hi Kyira, this is exactly what I needed to hear! Thank you so much.

[insight_juice]

I'm so grateful I found this video. This is a video I will certainly be rewatching. Thank you for taking the time to create and post this video. ❤

[paulaarchuleta]

Thinking positive has it merits, but things happen that are out of our control. We can try to control 8 hours sleep, eating nutrition foods, exercise and meditate. STRESS is a killer! Forgiveness along with gratefulness is the way to go!

[samoiahrussell]

I really appreciated your video. I have this problem and I also need to learn to accept myself more too when I make a mistake and mess up what was in my control. Then I can know that im not perfect and just try to do better moving forward

I really related to the part about allowing yourself to feel like life was hard at that moment even though you know your life isnt hard. I often badger myself for that belief.