Avoid Mentally Ill: No Families, Relationships

Grandiose, unscrupulous, and unethical therapists cater to the mentally ill and disabled person’s most ardent and fervent wish: to be normal. It is like a medical doctor promising a quadriplegic that she would be able to run again.

Truth is: the mentally ill should be sequestered and discouraged from seeking normalcy. They should not have relationships, get married, bear children, have families, gain access to certain institutions.

Some high functioning patients compartmentalize their mental illness: an accomplished professional by day prostitutes herself intoxicated by night; a beloved medical doctor turns pedophile after working hours; a respected politician burgles homes by moonlight.

Their mental illness functions like a pressure valve, a dysregulated and unboundaried release of anxiety, depression, antisocial impulses and other derangements.

Forgive these people, don’t rage or mourn what could have been. Don’t let their accomplishments and standing in society mislead you: there is nobody home, they know not what they are doing, they are spiralling out of control, threatening to take you with them.

Do not try to make sense of the choices and actions of such poor miscreants and misfits - for there is none. Just move on with your life and forget them.

Remember: you are under no obligation to sacrifice yourself and to love the mentally ill. Your remote sympathy and pity are sufficient offerings.

Safeguard your life and sanity, stay away, and remove such people from your life posthaste, regardless of how agonizing such a breakup may be to you. No contact.

Do not be a rescuer or savior or fixer - lest you end up being in need of rescuing, saving, and fixing.

[kneelbzod]

"I used to think the worst thing in life was to end up all alone. It’s not. The worst thing in life is ending up with people who make you feel all alone” -- Robin Williams.

[sarakristiansen]

There is no way I’d rather start the day than with a 23-minute no-BS Professor Vaknin rant. Thank you!

[kimberlymorrison]

when my BPD husband and I split up 2 weeks ago, he said, "I think I should be alone". In my grief of us splitting up after 14 years of roller coaster behavior, I couldn't understand why he would say that. This video made me realize he may be right. The poor impulse control, the anger and all that goes along with BPD I now see he may be right. Sad very sad....

[dankthinkeralex]

I dont think theres anything wrong with certain non malignant disorders like anxiety or autism spectrum disorder from seeking relationships, especially with each other. Nobody is perfect after all. And the current normal is nothing to be proud of anyways.

[flowergrower]

I knew from a very early age that I was hated by my older siblings due to jealousy. They were not kind to me nor did they interact with me in a positive way. I could not understand what I had done to deserve this treatment and as a result I was a lonely person. After my mom died, I severed all ties with them and I am learning to live my life in peace and have several real sisters that are not genetically linked with me however, I am loved by them and I return their love. I have fought mental illness all my life, mainly depression, but I am feeling well at the moment. I have learned to be strong.

[dariazukowskapsychologkliniczn]

Prof. Sam Vaknin thank you for your honesty with this topic. We all need this kind of truth! Thank you

[spede]

"The truth will set you free". Live your life the best you can, be kind and do good. May God help us all. Have a good day!

[beatrice]

Thank you so much, Sam sensei. Sometimes the pain of being no contact feels just as painful as being with them but your body knows it has to be this way, to stay away for homeostasis. And if we go back, as their successful social standing can be a palatable way to deceive ourselves then we have learned nothing of this life lesson. The need for us to sometimes put ourselves first for the sake of sustaining and preserving our own health, sanity and humanity, even if we love them.

[lightgrey]

harsh but i see your point and it feels very sobering and liberating actually. my life is being destroyed by this dream of being normal. im not investing in my talents because of it.

[presidentamanda]

The problem is that mentally ill people are often forced into society because there is so little support. We often cannot withdraw because we need to get money somehow to pay for basic needs. Also- mentally ill people are more likely to be victims than perpetrators. A lot of mental Illness stems from being a victim of some sort of traumatic event or stressors beyond their control.

[lucillepassos]

One of your best. Thank you Sam.
I've been following you for many years.

[dancadis]

As a self-aware sufferer of strong traits of a narcissistic personality disorder, I agree with the statements made in this video 100%

[yourneighborsdog]

It’s funny, everything Vaknin says about narcissism has applied to me, I realized a few years ago that I destroy anything that comes close to me, to save myself and others I isolated myself, I cut all relationships to most people and don’t get close to anyone so I can’t hurt them. It’s like my personality was a cancer and me getting into new relationships is like me spreading the cancer to the world, so I isolated and became cold, really, because I care about people, I don’t want to hurt or manipulate anyone anymore, so I chose not to get close to anyone. I became very stoic, and have been working on myself for a while… but thank you for confirming my life choices and reasonings, you’ve been helpful throughout my life, Vaknin.

[rachelcronin]

You're the best at explaining in layman's terms and the reality of being involved with the mentally ill. There will never be another Prof. Sam Vaknin. Thank you so much for all your informative videos on the lives of the mentally ill no matter how utterly devastating, all you speak is too true, sadly enough perhaps. You are a wealth of education to us all. We are the fortunate ones.

[MicahRKO]

Whatever "normal" means. We're all nuts.

[cindy]

I had a couples therapist diagnose my ex husband as “anti social personality disorder” and worked with us every two weeks for many years. Recommended we have another baby bc that is a a “project” like the other two babies that we worked together as a team. I could have been out and safe a decade earlier if I had received a second opinion earlier. The new one told to take the first bridge out, she didn’t care how just when. Immediately. She even collaborated with an attorney to help him understand he was a sociopath and more than capable of pedophilia and referred ny children to the sexual abuse council while we were still married. I did file 6 months later.
Sadly, she had missed he was sexually abusing our child for years while working on “conflict management” in sessions and giving me tools to take separate cars to social events due to his “ episodic “alcoholism. She admitted he lied like he could breath, even when it was useless to lie just for fun, “clandestine” and manipulative BUT he was a “great provider”and a “family man.”
It was devastating. I told her later what she had missed and enabled. She said he was good at “duping” others. Now there’s an adult child who is successful professionally but struggles severely daily with a history of repetitive, long term sexual abuse in his own bedroom. I am bot sure he should ever marry or have children yet he’s a very good and kind person. She thought the reason my husband slept with his child, then 5 years old until 11 years old, was because he was possibly repressed homosexual or bisexual and preferred to sleep next to a male and it was comforting for him. He married me because I would be a good mother., as uou me times, he was a respected doctor who was a sexual abuser. She either followed the money trail for frequent sessions for years or was impressed by his charm, sacrificing the lives of children. She always commented on his charm and charisma. I was able to get out before the younger two were sexually abused overtly and long term . I vetted therapists for my destroyed child recognizing the facts you stated in this video.. I even told her my young child told me about dreams of “daddy rubbing his pee pee” She said that she didn’t think my husband was capable of sexual abuse. I believed her. The second opinion met with him. She stated if there’s not significant improvement then 6 sessions are her limit. She was mortified by the amount of sessions we had gone to together and she even had me come separately since I was the most dissatisfied in marriage and had a sexless marriage. She’s meet and bill us twice a week or couple and individual. Her answer to him having no interest in sex with me was to suggest an open marriage so I could get my “needs met”. She said I was very attractive and capable of getting needs met outside the marriage with an agreement .” He agreed. She asked if he was gay and his reply was “not that I’m aware of.”
The issue was her ability to keep us in the books for many years with glaring problems and anti social personally disorder. Back then, I didn’t have Sam Vaknin or any internet resources. I did read books towards the end when my instincts finally emerged and I felt like I needed information and maybe a second opinion. Thank you for making this loud and clear. I hope it brings awareness to others and prevents damage and fraud.

[gnomiefirst]

I had a friend, rip, who had a phd in behavioral psychology. He was in the Nazi concentration camp early on and his family bought his way out. He got to the USA and then went back to fight the Nazi's and liberate the camp he had been imprisioned at. He said all psychology and academics is BS. People go into psych bc it is an easy soft field to get into w/o having to really challenge themselves. Psych is a pseudoscience. Your right when you say most problems in the health field have no solution. I have met many ppl who have had one or more back surgeries w/o any success. I come from a messed up family--- genetic, environment, psych trauma, alcoholic narcissistic gaslighting father who drove my overwrought and overworked mother of nine insane. My son in law has a personality disorder. I got involved and almost ended up needing to be rescued, fixed and saved myself. Finally I came to the same advice you give---forgive them, acknowledge to yourself they are sick, and stay away from them for your own well being. Thank you for telling the truth.

[JohnSmith-lkcy]

LOVE THIS VIDEO! I have three friends who are therapist and the exnars current partner is a therapist. They all live with narcissists while they are supposed to be counselling couples on how to have a great relationship. Makes me angry and amused at the same time. I love that you say that personality disorders are mental illnesses. I have always thought that!

[Wombat-pveb]

Educating parents about how important the 6 first years are....could prevent

[Alice]

In a world where we believe we can fix or control everything, this is a stunning truth!